Let’s start by taking stock:
1. Still single and don’t seem to have recently had “relations”. Awoke in my own bed, alone, and no unknown names or numbers in my cell phone.
2. No noticeable injuries, though I do suspect someone decided to down extra pain pills. I feel heavy, out of it, and have some wicked dry mouth going on.
3. It’s about 1am on July 10th which means I’ve lost…3 days. Last thing I remember is being at work Friday afternoon and my phone went off.
This blog isn’t therapy ordered, like some of the abuse and DID ones I follow.
One of my most severe triggers is therapists due in a large part to some nasty time in a psych ward that I won’t get into in this entry. Needless to say, any time I try to go about seeing a therapist one of the alters prevents it.
I used to not really have a problem with this. We had worked out a semblance of a system to appear sane and functional in everyday society.
That has collapsed these past few months. Mostly due to health and medical stress. Nothing gets my triggers all a’ flutterin’ like doctors and hospitals. But there are also some things in my work and personal life that are adding to the strain.
I decided to start this to try and keep track and record and sort things out. And who knows, maybe eventually create a bit of support with some like-minded people. At the moment I have very few friends and only a single family member aware of my “peanut gallery”, as I like to call them.
And I know when the self-damaging behavior (pills, drinking, eating disorder) starts to creep back, self-mutilation and suicide attempts aren’t far behind.
And we won’t go back to that psych ward.
She is my only saving grace right now.
At least we all like the dog.