Trust Issues and Relationships

Charlotte may think she botched things the other night but that’s only because she is mostly a sexual sort of girl and that was just not the right direction.

We’ve known Jeff for a while. In fact, he’s one of the first people I did my first “coming out” around when I first remember being a conscious alter.
I’ve always had a special place for Jeff. It was me who asked Roms to text and apologize when Charlotte stepped out of line a couple days ago.

And he did text back; saying it was surprising, but fine.

We spent this past weekend together.

It was amazing. I was the lucky one who remained out most of the weekend (with the exception of Charlotte poking out during some intense making out).
There was no sex. Though there was…affection. It just sort of happened. We were watching movies and there was this magnet. It was delicious. We haven’t been so simply and tenderly caressed like that in years.  I don’t know if any of you have hear the song by Poe called “Fingertips”?  It was exactly like that.

Army is all about “wham, bam, thank  you ma’am”  (and that’s even pushing it with the ‘thank you’ part).

I tried to tell Jeff it wasn’t needed and he didn’t have to do anything he didn’t want to.

But he just understands us so well. In fact, we confessed the whole DID/MPD thing to him the other night.  It wasn’t intended.  Just sort of got pulled out of us.
He took it really well. Asked for simple explanations, then was accepting but not with the attitude of “ohhh, that explains EVERYthing!” that is always a trigger for us.

There are VERY few personal friends that know about our condition. It’s not something we just trust with anyone.

And the fact that Charlotte actually backed off and felt guilty the other night? That says a lot. She only feels that way when-

She says I’m “emotionally charmed” by him.

Maybe I am.

I think we may be tentatively seeing each other. I’m so bad with the whole dating world that I don’t understand that stuff, but Jeff promised to be gentle and understanding. He said especially in light of realizing our condition.

I’m terrified to make that trusting leap.

Last time we did…

We lost everything.


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