Feeling like we’ve been sucker punched to the brain (no this has nothing to do with that shitty movie of a similar name).
For the first time in a couple weeks, we’ve having complete amnesia. None of the alters (we’re aware of) are remembering more than half of yesterday, which hasn’t happened in a long time. With the choking thing from the other day (see the post Choking) we were suspicious of a possible newer alter. Or at least an alter that isn’t in our “clique” that adheres to a set of rules, including no hoarding memories of day-to-day events.
A lot of yesterday and it’s crumminess is described in SD’s post here, but we need to get some of it down ourselves, if only for the cathartic release. Claire’s going to hate this, but there is no way we can manage it in any sort of narrative cohesive flow. I think the style we used in our Dreams post might be able to cut it.
We pour a glass of pomegranate-cranberry juice to drink before work. There is a moment of debating on getting something to eat before Victoria viciously vetoes it. We down the glass of juice and get in our car to go to work.
Somehow we are on the other side of the office, in the copy room, though the last thing Serefina remembers is typing up a response to a client’s email. She looks around tentatively, but no one seems to think anything is amiss. She quickly copies the packet of papers clutched in our hands and hurries back to our desk.
The end of the day comes all to quickly. Serefina is suspicious that more time has been stolen, though the additional time seems to have all been at our desk. Claire slips out momentarily to text Jeff and invite him to Pagan’s Night Out, a local meetup event.
No one remembers the drive home.
We’re in the car again, this time with SD next to us. Apparently we’re going to pick up Jeff and then will go to PNO.
The drive is spotty. We miss a turn we should know. A street and house near the Air Force base mildly triggers us…
[charlotte had been trolling the dating websites again. we’d already met him once for dinner at a local restaurant and he seemed harmless. the second date was at his place. he was very insistent. after dinner (he cooked) we get strangely groggy and he pulls our head into his lap as we stare mutely at the TV screen. his hands keep trying to reach lower and he makes a suggestion that we should sleep over. rika is out in a moment, jerking upright and scanning the room for our car keys. whatever was making us groggy is burned away by her focused rage. she leaves him spluttering on his couch in confusion, tires screeching as she peels out and speeds far far away.]
We park in front of pizza place where PNO is held. SD reminds us that Stalker is going to be there (Stalker is a long story we really can’t get into right now. You can check SD’s post for more info. It’s only important to know he is creepily obsessed with us and Charlotte spent some time teasing him. Rika hates him.). We had forgotten.
SD cuts into our brain shifting and twisting, “I swear if Charlotte flirts with him, I will stab her in the face.” Rika snorts and promises Charlotte knows better now. Charlotte rolls her eyes. She has no interest in creepy psychos.
We are walking back to our table when a woman greets us. She is one of the highly-involved community Pagans. Roms comes out briefly to chat with her. She is sitting at the table with Stalker and he cuts in as soon as she’s finished talking and greets us before talking about legal matters (a divorce he’s going through). Serefina won’t come out so we stare blankly at him before there is a shift.
And we’re walking away from his table. We glance back and he’s grinning at us. What the fuck did we say to him?? Sitting down, both SD and Jeff ask us what’s up, but we can’t manage much except Rika’s cussing. Then our eyes lift, meet Jeff’s and Charlotte pounces on the momentarily spike of emotion that rushes through us, using it as a lifeline to climb safely into the body. She adjusts her seat to be closer and brushes her knee and hand against him.
Midori groans and fishes into our purse. Thank god we have cigarettes and they aren’t effing Parliaments. She stalks outside and lights one up, sharing half of it with Rika. We are joined by Jeff and SD and one of her friends. Midori tries to savor the cig while Rika hotboxes it. She knows we have to get out of here.
Stalker has come outside. Our cig is finished and Midori automatically starts to light another one, getting ready to throw the first away.
Victoria pulls one hand sharply, bringing the still lit cigarette butt brutally against our thumb. Rika curses and savagely throws the butt away, ignoring Stalker’s attempt to make eye contact, his face concerned.
Suddenly we’re in our bedroom, SD on the bed next to us, extremely concerned. Rika pops out defensively, not sure how we arrived back home and feeling on edge. She knows someone’s stealing time. She thinks perhaps a drink of gin would help, as only Charlotte likes the taste of it, and it is a rare time where she can be trusted.
The rest of the night is a complete blank. Charlotte swears she wasn’t able to come out at all. We have no idea what happened. And today is just a wild cycle of switching and getting triggered by the simplest things. Poor SD caused a trigger loop this morning by offering some simple assistance, which triggered us, which triggered her, and so on and so forth. I think we’re still getting the hang of a two-multiple household.
Taking today off from work because Serefina is hiding and won’t come out. Yesterday severely disturbed her, as she’s always been able to keep control at work before.
We aren’t sure why things are so in a twist. And that’s what’s the scariest. If it were obvious, that would at least be reassuring.
The good thing is that your side of this story confirms my ability to read some of who is out and understand your system well enough to watch for any potential problems.
Again, I apologize for tripping over that specific trigger this morning and will be more cautious regarding that in the future.
take care and be safe xx