The universe is still trying apparently.
I don’t talk a lot about my spiritual or personal-type (i.e. religious) beliefs on here because I’ve learned through experience that 99% of people really don’t want to hear it.
But I’m not atheist, or agnostic. But I’m also not particularly devout and I hesitate to even use the term “religious”. It’s not that I believe in a giant person-type being sitting up in the clouds staring down at me and poking and prodding at my life.
Makes me think of a child with a magnifying glass, gleefully looking at ants too much- creepy.
I also don’t believe there’s absolutely nothing. There are too many surprising and amazing things in this world, even with the horrible and scary. And of course I know there are horrible awful things that a supernatural being should pay attention to and try to prevent, at least a bit more.
Okay, fine, maybe it’s entirely just universal coincidence, but it makes me feel not so hopeless and stupid and useless if I at lease pretend otherwise.
Anyway, this morning I was feeling shitty.
I slept awful, I woke up feeling awful, I felt useless with SD’s anxiety about her children, my shower was just another moment of time spent with an uncovered body I currently hate, driving to work was full of too many stupid and bad drivers (it’s raining, which in Ohio means drivers become extra-dumbass).
Then I arrived at work and got out of my car and walked towards my office building. I was angry with myself for wearing my black moccasins, which are incredibly comfortable (hence why I wore them), but terribly impractical for all the puddles in the alley from the parking garage to my building.
Then I notice a crowd of construction men hanging around the back entrance to my office building. I begin to feel uncomfortable, as in the downtown area of my city, those kind of men tend to make uncomfortable jives at me. I begin to quicken my pace to get past them as soon as possible when the universe steps in to pull a 180 on my day.
One of the men meets my eyes and smiles, then goes to open one of the doors of the building. Another opens the other door and the remaining two move to the side. They all tip their hats at me and say a polite “good afternoon ma’am” as I walk through the open double doorway like I’m in a movie.
My smile is quick, and my mood isn’t entirely lifted, but my day feels a little brighter.