Monogamy vs. Polygamy (in our DID world)

Recently, I’ve been reading about how most persons with DID/MPD are either non-sexual or polygamists.  Obviously, this isn’t true.  I know this isn’t true.  This is a narrow-minded pop culture viewpoint.

But I’ve gotten a couple people on a website I’m a member of ask me how I can be both DID and monogamous, and yet still be highly sexual and into kink/BDSM.

It’s hard, I’ll admit.  We play that balancing game constantly.  We are hard-wired to be monogamous, but it is tricky trying to satisfy all of the requirements demanded by each of us.  But we work it out due to the following feelings on relationships; broken down by alter.
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Armes:
being a litle i dont really wanna have a boyfriend or girlfriend.  but i do want someone who will let me have my alone time to watch disney movies and play with zoe.  i’ve never really found anyone i felt safe enough to be around.  besides katharine. there were a few times she would watch a disney movie with me and i felt safe. but boys are scary, so its harder with them. i just dont want someone who will trigger any of the others…

Charlotte:
I have needs.  That’s pretty much my bottom line.  If said person cannot fulfill my needs (which are also the body’s libido, so it isn’t just me being selfish or some shit like that), then they don’t hang around for long.  A libido has a lot of power, especially for a young woman, so I get a lot of say in whatever relationship we attempt to pursue.  I’m willing to be patient….to a degree.  But there is that point around the 3 month mark or so where I start getting antsy, twitchy, and it’s time for me figure out a solution to those needs.
However, I don’t do the whole cheating thing. That’s disgusting.  I am monogamous.  If the current relationship some other dumbass alter has gotten us into doesn’t fulfill my needs, then I correct that (Rika: she means sabotage).
Thanks Rika. Sure. Fine. I sabotage it. We need a complete relationship, not some half-hearted bullshit.

Claire:
I just want to be able to trust someone.  I don’t want to be used. I don’t want any more abuse.  We’ve had enough of that.  Sometimes Charlotte forgets that the sort of people that fulfill her desires are the dark ones who will take us down that thorn-covered path again.  Roms and Rika help back me up on that usually.  I like someone who I can actually talk to.  I can cuddle with.  Who will make me smile and charm me.
I like the idea of someone who knows about our condition.  It’s…really hard to hide it.  It’s dishonest.  I’m tired of dishonestly.  It’s only cost us in the past.

Kit:
I’ve been getting the largest vote in the past- though apparently this needs to be re-evaluated.  I care about that spark.  That chemistry.  Not necessary with the clothes-tearing and such, but just at least someone who will make me smile when I think of them.  I suppose I’ve got a bit of Claire’s romantic streak, but I also do enjoy sex occasionally (not to the degree as Charlotte, but at least some vanilla stuff).  I’m looking for that happy medium.  Someone who can be my friend and my bed-mate.

Midori:
I am mostly a loner, so I don’t much care about relationships.  But I do like the idea of someone I can bake and cook for.  I’ve done that in the past and it was nice to have someone praise and enjoy my creations.
I also want someone who understands my function with the pills.  That I’m not trying to be suicidal, like Victoria or Daria.  I’m quite aware of the safe level to take to keep us from drowning.  I’ve perfected it over the years.  I’m the closest thing to a medical-alter this body has.  Let me do my thing and stop bitching at me for having “problems”.
And let me play my piano in peace. I do not perform.

Rika:
I allow only partners who will not fuck us up.  No more of that shit.  I have one job and I’m going to fucking do it well.
I will handle any asshole who thinks he’s hot shit but is really fucking crazy shit.  I don’t care about honesty, like Claire. I don’t care if they know about our “condition” or whatever.
I do care that they understand that though Charlotte may be into dark shit, there is a line and they will not fucking cross it, or they will deal with me.
There is a reason why we were not nervous living in the slum side of town without constantly carrying weapons.  And that reason is me.  I’ve handled men and women larger than the body in the past will little to no trouble.
You fuck with us and I will fuck you up.

Roms:
I’m not particularly opinionated about relationships.  I just want someone who isn’t going to upset the other alters, especially Armes or Claire.  I have no desires to be with anyone, but I respect the other alters having those desires and they are welcomed to pursue them.  I suppose I would prefer someone who does not have a problem with the whole Pagan belief thing.  Someone I can have the occasional intelligent conversation with.
Someone who doesn’t hate children.

Serefina:
I will not stand anyone who is dumb.  Also tired of people who don’t have their shit together.  I worked my ass off to get the job and education I have.  It was hard- but I did it.  Despite all the shit we deal with.  If you have a damn good reason for being a little behind the curve, then sure, I get that.  But don’t be making stupid excuses for being a lazy fucker who doesn’t understand how life actually works.
I don’t really have a physical interest in anyone.  Just someone I can talk to.  Especially about work.

Victoria:
No person should touch me.  That’s very bad.  The other alters say that it’s going to happen though and I should say what sort of person I would accept if I had to.
Someone who doesn’t judge our appearance.  I know we’re awful and fat and disgusting, but I don’t like that being pointed out.  Someone who isn’t constantly trying to make me eat.  I hate food.  Maybe someone who is nice to my hair.  I do like brushing it and playing with it and putting it into braids or buns or other things.
Someone to make the thunderstorms not so scary…

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Daria declined to participate.  I don’t think she has a true opinion beyond wanting to ruin anything we attempt to do as a functional person.

This is the balancing act we have to do every time we think about starting a new relationship.

But we definitely don’t want to compound the problem by adding multiple partners.  That would just cause more issues.

Sometimes we wonder if it might be easier to just remain single.

4 thoughts on “Monogamy vs. Polygamy (in our DID world)

  1. vwoopvwoop

    this is really awesome, it totally puts everyone’s needs together to form a complete understanding. i’ve never thought about doing something like this with our system, but now i’m wondering what everyone would say. i think it would be helpful to know!

    i think monogamy in a DID system is probably very common, since so many are married. plus i guess systems are just like singular people, some are devoted to one person, some won’t settle down, some are interested in cheating, and some are not willing to be sexual at all.

    Reply
    1. penpaperandcrazy Post author

      It is very useful to us. You should try it 🙂 At least as a private post. We have other private posts that sort out our feelings about certain things (sometimes certain people) on an alter-breakdown kind of format.

      Reply
  2. Larry

    My GF has DID- she often says she did not do something that i know she did and gets angry when I point it out and continues to deny it.. it makes me nervous that since she is not aware of some of the things i know she does that she could have other lovers.. and her main personality may truly be unaware of those relationships.. but this information above does put me somewhat at ease..

    Reply
    1. penpaperandcrazy Post author

      Ah, well glad to provide some ease.

      Do keep in mind that having whole personalities/alters that you aren’t aware of that can hijack your body is a terrifying experience. I know when I’ve done things I couldn’t explain or remember, I was more angry at myself than anything. It was never my intent to hurt anyone (besides myself). I can’t speak for all DID-ers, but that’s at least some insight into my thought process.
      I hope things stay safe and loving for you and your girlfriend- that’s the hardest part.

      Take care.

      -Roms

      Reply

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