Risks of romance

Things are taking a strange turn with Army. Technically good, but that has half of the system trying to backpedal as quickly as they can.

There is something about being being treated sweetly and wooed that always has red flags raising in this head of mine.

First Army goes to Horrorama with me and is absolutely wonderful. I spend the night at his place after and it feels way too good to be held by him again.
Red Flag #1

Then he invites me to dinner on Halloween, but his job sending him on an extra call causes him to stand me up. I am upset. He spends hours texting me all sorts of sweet and apologetic things until I can’t even manage mild annoyance.
Red Flag #2

This past weekend I had a bit of a rotten time and though he’s technically on shift, he again spends hours texting supportive and endearing messages.
Red Flag #3

Tonight he takes me out to a movie and afterwards we fool around a bit in his car. During the whole “heat of the moment” timespan, he says some surprisingly deep and romantic things about missing me, needing me, wishing we still lived together, and being thankful that I gave him a “second chance”.
Red Flag #4

I go with it during- mostly because Charlotte is fronting and she’s eating it up. But Daria, Rika, and Victoria are all getting on edge together.
Sidenote: I never noticed the “anti-romance” alters’ names all end in “a”. Interesting.

Anyway, when we part ways, there is some serious talking in the peanut gallery/system during my whole drive home.

Victoria just finished texting him confirming that he meant what he said in his car. He’s adamant he feels that way and hinted about things changing and that we “need to talk in person”.

And now my head is a twister.

Uniballer taught us long ago that wooing and sudden sweet talk only leads to manipulation and heartbreak.

But Army’s never been the manipulating type. But he usually so emotionally stunted that we can barely deal. That is not “deep relationship” material. But maybe he’s seeing things differently.
We’ve had friends and Mom tell us that Army and I moving into separate places has made him realize he misses me when he took me for granted before.

But why? We don’t deserve to be missed or needed. And we certainly didn’t deserve the second chance that was ours, not his, as he seems to think.

Our insides are so broken, crazy-glued, and delicate that how is it possible to consider entrusting another person with even a part of that again?

It was mere weeks ago that we were reminded of the lesson of lies men feed us to try and gain trust. A lesson we should be well versed in.

So why is my heart jumping and clenching at the idea? Is that excitement or abject terror?

5 thoughts on “Risks of romance

  1. vwoopvwoop

    oh this is so complicated. i’m glad you’re happy but i would have the same misgivings. you seem quite sure that he is not the emotionally manipulative kind so that bodes well. i suppose there’s never a guarantee you won’t get your feelings hurt in a romantic relationship, but i’m relieved to know that he isn’t a manipulator.
    i hope you are well and i hope you make a choice that everyone can be comfortable with.

    Reply
    1. penpaperandcrazy Post author

      I guess I’m a little happy. Mixed with a lot of hesitation. I know there is never a guarantee and I think that’s the problem. We’ve had too much roller-coasting the past three or four months. It’s just…I’m not sure about what is the “right thing” at this juncture.

      Thank you for the support ❤

      Reply
    1. penpaperandcrazy Post author

      “Amazing”?? I think you and I have had very different experiences 😛

      Can you tell I’m not a fan of roller coasters?

      Thank you for the support though. I know in order to reap the benefits, the risks have to be taken too. I just wish it didn’t have to work that way.

      I need a crystal ball to see if it’s worth it.

      Reply

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