Integration is basically a four letter word to me. It terrifies, destroys, triggers, and corrupts my system.
However, over the past couple weeks, we’ve come to be more co-conscious than we’ve ever been. It was probably a bit noticeable on this blog (especially in hindsight) with a lot of the recent entries being more generalized and categorized under “Multiple Alters”.
To mark this occasional, we decided I need a new name to be known as when we’re more co-conscious. On the blog, that is. Obviously in day to day life, I go by the body’s legal name, which is becoming a bit more comfortable to us lately (Army helps immensely with the sweet way he’s been saying it lately).
In a rare unanimous decision, we decided upon “Pen”.
It is not short for anything. It comes out of the first part of this blog’s name, yes, but also because most of us enjoy some sort of hobby or activity with a pen- whether it be blogging, writing, composing music, doodling, or taking notes.
It’s been nice to have the co-consciousness. I now know what some of my DID friends have been talking about. It isn’t integration at all. We’re all still here, still separate. But there can be this beautiful unity.
It’s not entirely perfect yet- Victoria and Daria have yet to join in, and Rika does tend to keep herself slightly free/loose in order to observe the world more closely in her paranoid way.
But things are more balanced.
And the self-harm is at an all-time low. Part of this is a pact we made with Army to be better about this and truly reach out for help if we need it. But part of it is this unity.
I hope it can continue.