Mini-vacation = stress

Months ago, one of my friends managed to secure a great deal on a hotel suite at a local waterpark resort.
It’s for the middle of December and back then I thought it would be a fun pre-Xmas break.  Especially since I knew I wouldn’t be making it to Chicago at all this year.

Well, the dates are this Sunday-Tuesday (Decemeber 16th-18th).  There are four or five of us going (it’s a big suite).  Due to other people’s work limitations, we’re only staying Sunday night and during the day on Monday.  We’ll drive back Monday evening.

I already took Monday and Tuesday off work.  So I get to have a lovely day off on Tuesday doing whatever the hell I want.

So far, this is the only thing that makes me smile about the vacation.  The part involving other people scares me.

First of all, I hate eating around other people.  Hate hate hate hate hate.  Especially for multiple meals.  It gives them an opportunity to notice how much I don’t eat, and then I get lectures (or jokes…) about eating disorders and blah blah blah.  Yeah.  I’ve heard it all before.  But do you see this flab???  It’s not like shoveling down junk food is going to melt it away.

Which leads me to the next point.

There’s the whole waterpark aspect.  I don’t want to wear a bathing suit.  There’s the fact that I’m the size of a whale, yes.  But also, the scars and marks on my thigh would be there for all the world.  There’s a reason I picked above my knee all those years ago.   Because unless I wear something super slutty (and then I wear stockings) I don’t show a thing.  But a bathing suit makes it impossible to hide those marks.

I don’t want anyone to see them.

To see how broken and messed up I am.

I really don’t want to go on this vacation.  I want to just stay home.

But I already paid and they’re counting on me and I hate to be that person who “flakes out”.  So I’ll wear that mask tightly and do the best I can at pretending to eat and have fun like a normal girl.

Aren’t vacations supposed to be de-stressing?

4 thoughts on “Mini-vacation = stress

  1. veva525

    To be honest, I think vacations are the most stressful experience of all. You’re taken out of your daily routine and schedule and you’re forced into an unknown environment with people that you may not want to spend every waking moment with. I don’t blame you for stressing out!

    I really hope you do enjoy yourself, though. If these people are close to you, and you like them, then they should be willing to accept every aspect of your being. I get you on the eating thing, too. When people comment on my eating habits now, I kind of go, “Well, you eat what you want and I won’t say a word, got it?” It’s a little cold, but it gets the point across. We’re not in one anothers company to judge. I think people forget that.

    Sending all my love 🙂

    Reply
    1. Pen Post author

      That is some excellent advice I will most certainly try 🙂

      Thank you for your thoughts. I’m glad I’m not the only one who finds “vacations” super stressful.

      ❤ ❤

      Reply

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