Impartial View

This whole ridiculous thing with Army has gotten a bit out of hand.  Especially on here.

No one so far has given a fair, impartial view of what this relationship is like.  Of who is really the problem.  Of what the issues truly are and whether they would be worth working out.

Being that Rika is too much against relationships, I am probably truly the best unbiased judge.  I had some input on this list from Serefina, our “legal-minded” alter.

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Army Factoids

  • He works in the medical field with extremely varying shifts, hours, and unreliable time off.
    However, our own jobs are extremely demanding and we don’t like being smothered anyway.
  • He’s extremely intelligent
    Thank the gods for witty banter
  • He’s mostly emotionally distant, except in times of privacy and intimacy
    We don’t like being all gooey in front of others anyway (unless we’re drunk), so this works out in general.  Sometimes we’re the more emotionally distant, especially during sex.
  • He very rarely apologizes.
    This is only a big problem because it’s triggery because of Father.  Honestly, when he’s really done wrong, he apologizes. Eventually.  Usually the first opportunity we’re alone in person.  He doesn’t like apologizing over text or phone calls.
  • Despite his military history and extensive collection of guns, somehow does not trigger us as violent or threatening in any way.
    This is lovely and puzzling at the same time.  Though there is no man on Earth we trust with our emotional/mental state, he is one of the few we trust with our physical.  Wholeheartedly.
  • He reallllly sucks at the whole romantic stuff (like sweet gifts, random surprises, cute dates, etc.)
    This is only particularly hard because we had gotten used to the smothering romances of Katherine and previous exes.  We aren’t really the kind of woman who needs a bunch of crap.  It’s just nice to be reminded that we’re wanted.
  • But he is usually fine with most suggestions we have of date locations and activities
    This almost makes up for the lack of romantic initiative.
  • Though he doesn’t love horror movies, he doesn’t hate them either.  He gets that we love them and will go out of his way to watch one with us
    This is a big thing, considering I doubt we could date anyone who couldn’t watch horror movies. It’s not a big thing that he isn’t a huge fan- we like being the bigger geek in that sense.
  • He loves anything we bake
    Obviously I can’t say anything negative about this fact.
  • Though he isn’t much for comforting, will listen to us when we’re upset.
    We don’t really want comfort.  Just an ear and validation that we have a right to be upset.  He’s very good at that.
  • He loves Zoe wholeheartedly
    And she loves him back.  He’s the only person (besides us) that can walk in any door and she doesn’t bark at him once.  She only bounds to him happily.  That says a lot.
  • He gives us medical assistance when we’re sick or when we ask- but respects our boundaries and triggers in regards to medicine and medical persons/places.
    Basically he doesn’t drag us to hospital unless we’re in serious danger. And he helps that danger not happen by giving us a bit of slightly unlicensed practicing of medicine.  Whatever, we give him unlicensed law advice (SHHHHHH).
  • He can be unimaginative in the bedroom but he is really good at the basics so….not necessary an issue
    The sex is good. That’s the bottom line.  But some of us (*cough* Charlotte) itch for a bit more playing in the bedroom.  However, he has said he’s open to direction.  We’re just not wired to direct.
  • He doesn’t like talking about his issues, especially if related to depression or finances.
    Neither do we. We both bitch about how the other won’t confide about these problems to each other. Bwahahahaha.
  • He can be really awkward socially, since he really only enjoys two or three topics and can be a pushy know-it-all about those topics.
    It can get bad with certain friends and family.  But he’s gotten better at noticing my uncomfortable and pissed-off cues and will then try to rein himself back on being a know-it-all prick.
  • He’s so very good at getting us to feel good about ourselves, especially physically.
    However, this only lasts about a day after we see him at the most.  And we don’t see him often. 

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So there we go.  That’s as unbiased as I can get.  I don’t particularly dislike the man. But I suppose there are relationship flaws.

Not sure if the good outweighs the bad.

This is just my take on things.

Nothing less. Nothing more.

8 thoughts on “Impartial View

  1. weordmyndum

    It can be so hard to figure out relationships. We’ve never been good at it either. But it’s okay to figure it out as you go along. I’m pretty convinced that’s all anyone does.

    Reply
  2. vwoopvwoop

    this post actually made me smile a lot. you obviously are very close with him and appreciate his quirks, both good and bad. i think this is a really fair-minded and interesting activity. he’s not perfect, no one is, but he seems like a person who sort of fits well with your life and has good boundaries. 🙂

    Reply
    1. Pen Post author

      Glad you found it fair minded. That was my main intent. I think he’s best for all my issues and boundaries too, even though he drives me up the wall sometimes…lol.

      Reply
  3. manyofus1980

    I agree with vwoop, it sounds like although some parts are bad, some parts are also really, really good. I am in awe of your complete clarity. You seem very logical to me. Way to go!

    Reply
  4. Phoenix Rising

    This is a really good analysis of your relationship. It helps to explain a lot of things. There seems to be a pretty good balance between you. Yes, there are things that aren’t ideal, but no relationship is perfect. Also, they’re always evolving. There will always be things that drive you mad, things that get under your skin. That’s true of all relationships. You’re not alone there!

    As long as it’s not actively hurting you, maybe going with the flow for now would be ok.

    We wish you all the luck in the world. And all the love you deserve.

    Nick

    Reply

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