Relationship Are Dumb

In light of this stupid V-day thing, I’ve been pondering relationships way too much.

I’m come to this conclusion: relationships are dumb.

I got into this whole discussion with Mama over at Mental Midwest (that was probably waaaay more drawn out that she needed to hear 😉 ) about relationships, men, and FWB.

And it’s got me thinking.

Craig is driving me nuts.

But I don’t think it’s entirely Craig’s fault (besides the creepy baby discussion).  I think I just don’t really get how to handle a relationship that demands a shit-ton of my time, attention, and possibly emotions.  I’m just not really that interested.

I thought that’s what I wanted.  I thought I wanted the deep, schmoozey, can’t-stop-thinking-about-them, meant-to-be kind of relationship. 
But I think that’s only because that’s the relationship Katherine and I had.  However, that also had aspects of abuse to it as well, so I definitely should not be holding it as some sort of standard.

I miss Army a lot.  And I’m so angry and resentful towards myself for these feelings.  I made myself examine why I got fed up with Army.  His flakiness.  Then I made myself examine whether I’m grumpier about Craig’s neediness, or Army’s flakiness.

And the results are surprising and a bit displeasing.

I’m coming to like living alone more and more.  I like being able to make spontaneous plans with friends only a day or two in advance.  I like being able to spend so much time with Zoe.  I like being able to only have to worry about my own finances.

I hate how Craig keeps pushing for me to come over to his place.  I hate how he planned this V-day thing on Friday over a week in advance.  I hate that he constantly wants to do something.  I hate that he can’t hold a conversation unless it involves computers, babies, his family, or his exes.

I miss that Army could/can always make me laugh.  He can always cheer me up.  He can always make me feel pretty. I loved that he likes the same sort of movies that I do.  I love that we like the same kind of food.  I love that we can talk about my job, his job, current events, mutual dumb shit we’ve heard and actually have a two-way conversation.

Goddammit I miss Army.

And the worse part is I know I could step right back into a “relationship” with him. 

We texted for two hours last night.  Just in a friendly sort of way.  He’s always been a good friend before the whole sex thing.  But sex did get brought up, like it does with him, and he sweetly said something about how I was the best and he missed it with me and he liked how it was always without awkwardness or extreme expectations.

I winced at hearing that because all it did was make me crave that sex again.

Ugh.

Relationships are dumb.

I think what I’m going to do is go to this thing on Friday with Craig, and if there aren’t amazing turnaround fireworks or something, I’m just going to let him down as nicely as I can (god I hate being that girl) and then re-evaluate me, myself, and I.  And my life.

And not immediately jump Army’s bones.

No.  I will wait.

Not immediately.

But perhaps…

Dammit.  I need to learn that self-control thing.

Treat sex like I do food.  Don’t want to get fat.

Patience.

11 thoughts on “Relationship Are Dumb

  1. Mental Mama

    Relationships are dumb, but for some reason we keep going back to them. We can’t help it, we’re social creatures. I wish you the best of luck in exercising restraint with Army – that kind of thing never works well for me.

    Reply
    1. Pen Post author

      I also am ever-Taurus in my hatred of change. I just don’t want to do anything differently- even if changing is the right thing. I will use that broken item waaaay past it’s viable usefulness because I just don’t want to get a new one. I like the old one.

      Reply
  2. manyofus1980

    I’m sorry you miss army. Perhaps thats what you needed, was a break from army, to see that well, maybe he really is the one for you. I love V day, but it wasnt always like that. I love it now because I have the best SO to share it with. Too bad we’re 6000 miles apart.
    Carol anne

    Reply
    1. Pen Post author

      Aww, distance can be a tricky thing. I did that a couple years back and it was super hard.
      I’m glad you’re so positive though.
      I don’t really feel one way or another about V-day in general.
      Army and I were together last year during it and I think we celebrated with him buying dinner, me baking, and then a horror movie at home while we ate. It was awesome. I miss that sort of low-key stuff.

      Reply
  3. vwoopvwoop

    relationships can be dumb. i’ve heard that good relationships don’t hurt. i’ve also heard that we are drawn to people who are at a similar functioning level to ourselves, whether clearly apparent or not. that’s a big reason why i have NO interest in being with anyone at the moment…because the people i’m drawn to are just as screwed up as i am and that is something i *really* don’t need. i have decided i will reconsider a relationship when i feel i am healthier. that way i’m more likely to be want someone who is also, healthier.

    the relationship you talk about with katherine reminds me so much of a relationship i had with a young woman which was twisted and intense but felt like it was real love ( i know now it wasn’t). it’s hard after having something like that to not sort of, slightly, (sometimes a lot) crave it again. that’s another huge reason i refuse to have a relationship at the moment. because i still have that urge. ick.

    i hope valentine’s day doesn’t suck. it sure is a holiday that causes more grief than happiness i imagine. whether you have a partner or not i think you’re pretty swell, so ❤

    Reply
    1. Pen Post author

      Your words are so very enlightening. You are so right on all counts.
      I think I’m going to take some advice I’ve been given by multiple persons and just take some time for me. It’s been a long time since I’ve just been single and I think it might be a good idea for me to revel in that.
      Hopefully it can be reveled in…. >_>

      Reply
  4. kate1975

    I think that your issues with Craig really are not about Army or that it had good elements to it. I think it is because he is needy and over-attaching and talking about intimacy levels beyond the short time you have known him allows. He is a huge boundary jumper. I think you should feel totally justified in making him back off on these things, whether you ever see him again or not in a date, he needs to stop with fixated on a high level of commitment talk after only a short period of time. Guys who do that are really emotionally immature and it is difficult to take another step with them because they are constantly leaping when you aren’t looking. I’ve been there with guys and I ran each time, after I tried and failed to talk them out of their boundary violations.

    I would really have to suggest that Army is a whole other issue. I’m sure he texted about sex to get you to think about it. Guys are so transparent. I recall there were lots of ways he was not compatible, though, too. As several of my brothers have told me many times, there are lots of fish in the sea, don’t settle. I’m sure there are many guys that you would have many of the same things in common, who would only treat you well and loving. Just some food for thought.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

    Reply
    1. Pen Post author

      You’re are completely right and so wise 🙂
      Thank you for your words. It’s helpful to hear it from another perspective, especially one not directly involved.

      I think I am going to be bidding Craig adieu here soon. As for Army, he’s a good friend, but you’re right on the relationship front. Although I think the texting about sex got mis-relayed. He didn’t randomly text me going “sexxxxx”, I was actually talking about Craig’s creepiness on the subject of babies and the fact that Craig and I hadn’t even gotten intimate remotely yet. Then Army mentioned how he missed sex. But you’re still right, it was in a manipulative way.

      I think perhaps it’s just time for me to wade out into Single Waters and live it up there for a bit. I just hate being alone. But I can make plans with friends and family, so perhaps I can manage it without going completely bonkers 😉

      You are such an awesome friend. Thanks for your thoughts ❤ ❤

      Reply
    1. Pen Post author

      Do I haaaaaaaaaaaaaave to??
      I can change, technically. But I turn into whiny-bitchy Taurus when it’s against my schedule. Which is always, since my schedule is “No change ever.” Lol.
      Tauruses rule ❤

      Reply
      1. kate1975

        Yeah, but the change is best when it moves you in the direction of being the best and happiest you. Then at least it has a good result, in the end.

        I understand what you were saying about how the topic of sex came up. Still, you are right, he took an opportunity to remind you of what it was like.

        Good and healing thoughts to you.

        Kate

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