Baby Steps

I think I really am going to try being single.  For reals. 

it’s probably going to suck, but perhaps- just perhaps- it may be awesome and enlightening and I will get to know me better.  It’s been awhile since I’ve done the whole single thing for real.

And besides the whole Craig being weird thing, there are some other things that the Universe I think is using to try and tell me to stop doing the whole dating thing.

#1
I am super sick.  Out of nowhere yesterday, I just started feeling like I’d been beaten up and my head hurt.  Then all last night I had a high fever and this morning I had to take a pile of drugs in order to go to work.  In fact, such a pile that I had to be driven to work as I didn’t trust myself to drive.
(I think I’ve mentioned before that ephedrine is magic 😉 )
Sick on Vday??? How strange!  Also, I doubt I’ll be feeling better enough to go on a stupid date with Craig tomorrow night.

#2
Stupid Craig texted me this morning bitching about feeling “under the weather” and that he called off work.  I feel like a bitch, but I have little sympathy considering I was up all night with a fever of 102 and still dragged my butt to work today.  Granted, that’s mostly because I need the money and there are other people in my department that took today off, so I would get a mark on my record for not coming in (and possibly fired).  But I really don’t want to play the whole nursing/sympathy thing with Craig feeling ill.  I suck at it and I know it’s selfish, but I hate doing it.  I really have to care about someone before I’ll play nurses aid to their ailments.  It’s not that I’m actively trying to be a bitch, I just hate illness and I was never “taken care of” as a child when I was sick, so I have absolutely no clue how to go about doing that whole thing.  The most I’ve ever done is brought Texas and Germany meds or special food/drink.  I think I made soup for Army once.  But I don’t do much in that whole department.  Not my thing.  Sorry Craig- barking up the wrong tree.

#3
My coworker that I’m starting to become good friends with- ahem I should take a leaf out of Weegee’s book and actually give her a blog-name- let’s go with…Hannah.  Not sure why.  Not even close to her real name.  I just like that name.   Anyway, Hannah reminds me of Germany a lot.  She’s really smart, doesn’t take shit, hilarious, and has a healthy interest in men and booze.  However, she’s had the same sort of crummy luck that I have with men lately.  We’ve been comparing notes for weeks and laughing about our similar disappointments.  Today she asked if I would want to go get drinks tonight to celebrate being unattached, single, and fantabuloso.  I told her I most certainly would like to.  She said she’d text me when she gets off her evening job, which should be at about 8.  I’m sort of proud of myself for being excited about it.

#4
Zoe.  I don’t really need to go into this much, I’m sure.  Ya’ll know how much I adore my lil’ puppy kid.  She is my world and I love her.  It said a lot that she didn’t like Craig.  I don’t think it’s a good idea to pursue a relationship with a person my dog dislikes.  Simple as that.

So, baby steps.  I can do this.  I think as long as I remain semi-social, I can manage being single.

-crosses fingers-

15 thoughts on “Baby Steps

  1. Mental Mama

    I wish you all the best of luck with that honey, I really do. I’ve never done “single” well at all. And I didn’t do the whole “casual dating” thing very well either. I always seem to want to be in a committed relationship, even when it is blatantly obvious to everyone just how fucking miserable that makes me.

    Reply
      1. Mooselicker

        Maybe wait until tomorrow. Then he’ll say “Blah blah blah she did it on Valentine’s Day” if you do it today. I hate when you break up with someone and they say it wasn’t a good time to do it. There’s never a good time to do it. That’s how you end up in a shit marriage.

  2. kate1975

    Let me just say it is hard to be upbeat, positive, or compassionate when you are being that sick. So I hope you won’t feel anything is wrong with your feelings or responses.

    I hope you had a good time going out with your friend. I would have a hard time being with someone that my girls (my friend’s doggies) did not like. But then they like far to many people, so if they didn’t like someone it was be very disconcerting to me. 🙂

    I totally get what you are saying… baby steps, that sounds good and an important thing to do, especially for a Taurus. I am often saying baby steps to myself and just recently saw the movie What About Bob? which makes me laugh so much but the concept is so true, baby steps are good for progressing in life and in healing.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

    Reply
    1. Pen Post author

      It really is. Thanks for noticing. I’ve been coughing super painfully for the past 12+ hours and I kinda just wanna be like “screw the world!”
      But I tried not to. Lol.

      I actually rescheduled the hanging out with Hannah for later this weekend due to my sickiness. But I think it’ll be fun. I’m still looking forward to it 🙂

      My dog is very picky about the men she likes. She has very little issues with women. I used to be baffled because I’ve owned her almost her whole life, so she’s never been abused, but I’ve had dog experts tell me this is because I react differently to men (not necessarily negatively, just differently) and she picks up on that. So far the only men she approves of me spending time with are my two brothers, my best friend’s boyfriend, and Army. She is uber picky. But normally she’s just standoffish, not blatantly aggressive. She really didn’t like Craig.

      I haven’t seen that movie. I’ll have to check it out. I think baby steps is the wisest way for me to go about this radical change. I just hope it’ll be successful.

      Thanks for your thoughts ❤

      Reply

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