Who I Am

I think as a whole, my blog paints me as this little sagging girl who is constantly struggling and rarely is able to do anything in life.

This is absolutely not the fact.

I care about my identity as someone having DID, an eating disorder, depression, etc.  But this does not define me.  This past week has been a hard one and I’m worried I’m losing my true identity.

If this post bores you, feel free to move on.  This is more for me to remind myself Who I Am.

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If you knew me in real life, I would bet $100 that you would have no idea of my inner/deeper issues at all.  You would think I was absolutely a normal Midwesterner, post-college, just getting her toes wet in the corporate world.

I have a decent amount of friends.  Granted, most of them are just surface friends, but I can easily find someone to hang out with if I feel so inclined.

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I’m the woman who loves going out to dinner with friends and family.

I’m the woman who will plan an elaborate shopping trip with some girlfriends, complete with a montage of goofy outfits in the dressing room.

I’m the woman who will devour at least 3 books a week with gusto.

I’m the woman who will challenge anyone in the room to do a shot of gin without making a face.  I always win.  (I can’t manage with whiskey though- Army creams me on that challenge)

I’m the woman a friend will call at 2am because they’re in some sort of pickle and need a ride/a shoulder/help bailing.

I’m the woman who impresses her bosses with her ability to increase productivity and multitask without losing accuracy.

I am a daughter and a sister wholeheartedly devoted to my mother and brothers (my father not so much) at any moment.
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I love long car rides, especially by myself.  I will take the long way if possible for every destination.

The greatest compliment to me is on my baking.  I’ll take that over my looks, personality, or intellect any day (which is probably a bad thing…haha)

My favorite place to go on a date (or hangout with friends) is to a stand-up comedy show.  I cannot get enough of humor- as many brands as possible.

I love watching TV shows in long stretches, at least 5 episodes at a time.  This means I really only watch shows through Netflix or the actual DVD.  Not on standard television.

I am clumsy as hell.  Seriously.  I am even clumsier when tipsy or tired.

I love animals.  I adore cats.  But my heart belongs to dogs.

I can’t stand coffee, but I cannot get enough of hot apple cider.  I’ll settle for hot chocolate when I go to coffee shops with friends.

I hate the color yellow.

I’ve only recently discovered hot bubble baths and I’ve fallen in love with them.

I can drink hot sauce like a soda.

I research law and Revised Codes in my spare times.  For the hell of it.

I am not an affectionate person.  Unless I’m alone with my partner.  Then I’m pretty much glued to them.  I am not affectionate with friends or family at all.  I was raised not to be.

I make jewelry to calm myself.  I don’t usually wear much of it- I tend to give it away.

I have big celeb-crushes on Eliza Dushku, Charisma Carpenter, and Jennifer Lawrence.  Yes, there was a theme there before Jennifer Lawrence.  My crushes on male celebs aren’t as crazy, but I do adore Thomas Jane and Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

I tend to favor books that are sad and make me feel lost after completing.  I don’t know why.  I think it’s the masochistic side of me.  The most recent one I finished is “Looking For Alaska” (which I highly recommend).

My hands are always cold.  My feet are also always cold.  However, this does not mean I will wear a jacket.

I hate socks with the fiery passion of a thousand hells.

Though I fear heights, one of the best experiences that I’ve ever had is when Germany and I went on a hot air balloon ride (my dad used to do balloon chasing as a side gig).

A picture I took of another balloon that was below us.

A picture I took of another balloon that was below us.

I am more than the sum of my parts.

13 thoughts on “Who I Am

  1. donofalltrades

    I like to research laws too! Of course, I’m an attorney sometimes so I guess it’s not technically just for shits and grins. Oops, sorry, can I say shits on your page?

    You sound like a wonderful person to have as a friend or sister or daughter, and wife too one day, if you can bake and are so inclined!!

    Reply
    1. Pen Post author

      I’m a paralegal, raised on law practically from birth (my mother is an attorney).

      You can totally say shits on my page. Pretty sure I’ve said worse 😉

      Haha, I do love baking. Not sure how I feel about marriage. I have “commitment issues”. I really hate that term, but it’s really the best way to describe my dodge-y-ness. I’ll settle for sharing my creations with friends and family for now.

      Reply
  2. kate1975

    I think you are so right, that others can’t tell from looking at us what we are dealing with down to the depths, down to our core.

    What you shared made me feel as though I know you better, like you better, and care about you more. You are a great person. I’m glad that we have some things in common. 🙂

    Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

    Reply
    1. Pen Post author

      I’m glad we do too! I thought a list of random bits about me might help followers get me beyond that “mental-health bit”. I’m glad it seems to be working 🙂
      And you’re a great person too!

      Reply
  3. vwoopvwoop

    love to learn all these cool things about you! aaaah you read looking for alaska? i love john green. the fault in our stars is perfect and devastating and ❤

    jennifer lawrence is an excellent choice for a crush, she is the most adorable person.

    <3<3

    Reply
    1. Pen Post author

      I will have to check out that book! Thanks for the suggestion. Looking for Alaska was good, but a bit uncomfortable for me (Pudge is a LOT like Jeff). But I really enjoyed it as a whole.

      I love Ms. Lawrence so very much. She just seems so utterly uncaring about being seen any certain “proper” way. I love that about her.

      Reply
  4. Mental Mama

    More things in common – I also make some jewelry and I absolutely hate socks. But yes, you are indeed far greater than the sum of your parts. And you are woman, let’s hear you ROAR!!!

    Reply
    1. Pen Post author

      Haha. My mom gets annoyed with my hatred of socks. She’s like, “But you complain about cold feet. Just wear socks!” and I’m like “Firstly. They don’t help much. Secondly, they’re godawful uncomfortable. My feet need to be freeeeeee!”
      I would dislike shoes probably, but I find them so fun to shop for and try on and show off.

      Reply
    1. Pen Post author

      It was completely worth it.
      I was really nervous when we were first getting off the ground, but once we got high enough that it was like we were in a low flying plane and everything below us looked like ants, I loved it.

      However, I have no issues flying in an airplane. For me, the fear has to be directly relate-able in a visual sense. If what is below me only sort of seems like the ground I’m familiar with, my fear tends to decrease. I do have a huge fear of ladders and glass elevators.

      I also have no fear of heights if I’m over water. I love water in all forms and if I’m on a high bridge I actually like it.

      Hopefully that helps? I think fear is such an individual thing that you’ll never know how it’ll be until you try it directly for yourself.

      Reply
      1. littlewonder2

        Thanks. I’ve found I’m not so scared of airplanes, so I think it’s more visual for me too. And I love water, but I don’t think it would make a difference to me.

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