Lost her…

I just got told when I tried to make an appointment with my GP that she’s no longer practicing.

I can’t even speak.

I was so stricken that I stumbled over a vague excuse and hung up.

What do I do?  Where do I go?  I don’t even know what to do.  She was so young- she said she was looking forward to being my doctor for a long time.

5 years isn’t enough.

It took me 3 to find her.

The universe is giving me signs again.  I don’t deserve help.

I don’t wanna do it again.

I can’t do it again.

I hate doctors.  I hate medicine.  I hate all of this.

I just want it to be over.  I just want it to end.  I can’t handle this.  But there’s no one I can go to.  No one. 

22 thoughts on “Lost her…

  1. Wanderer

    oh no. I’m so sorry to hear this after what you were wanting to do next. Please don’t give up! Maybe you can find a way to find someone your GM would recommend??

    1. Pen Post author

      I think she lost her license. They won’t even talk to me about her further than “she’s no longer practicing”. They were actually rather rude.
      They told me I have to see the male doctor in her practice to get a referral. I’ve seen him before when she’s been on vacation or the time she was on maternity leave He’s bad. He thinks my migraines are “bullshit”. I don’t want to go back to him. I also don’t really like male doctors.

      So unfortunately I’m on my own.

      I’m hoping I can find some friends who refer a possible doctor for me to try.

      I’m trying really really hard to keep it together.

      1. Wanderer

        oh no. Definitely don’t bother with him then. I have a weird dislike of Doctors that comes from nowhere and is a more recent thing, so I understand a tiny bit your dislike. I have some health stuff that doctors told me was nothing for years. You don’t have to put up with that. I hope your friends can recommend someone that is right for you. Otherwise some internet research might help a bit

  2. empressxinsaneo

    It will be okay, Pen. If you keep thinking like this then it will stay this bad. And though I’m not a psychiatrist, I offer my ear (or eyes). It makes me angry that your doctor won’t be there for you; you deserve help. I don’t expect you to just get all positive over this comment, but I couldn’t leave without you knowing someone is here for you.

    1. Pen Post author

      Thank you for your thoughts. They help remind me to keep myself together. Validation is a powerful thing.

      Warm thoughts.

  3. Chatte Nocturne

    That’s terrible! Also, it seems unprofessional that she didn’t let you know, perhaps something happened? Please don’t give up hun, you were about to take a big positive break, you deserve to get helped and stop the suffering!

    1. Pen Post author

      I think she may have lost her license. She and I were close and it is very strange that she didn’t let me know if it were something she had warning for or the allowance to warn me. When a doctor loses their license though, they aren’t really allowed to do much or it’ll compound the problem.

      I’m going to do my best to not let this drag me too far down….

  4. beadstork

    Actually, doctors are required by law to notify their patients if they are moving or closing their practices. They are supposed to be available for 30 days for emergency help or to recommend another doctor, and to be available to transfer records to the new physician. I don’t know what happened to your friend but it can’t have been good. I really really hope you can find someone good because I know what it means to have a poor relationship with someone who is supposed to be taking care of you. There is someone out there for you though. Talk to your hippest friends. Talk to the ones that you know have psychological issues. And check Angie’s List, because they review doctors as well. Hang in there! You will find someone.

    1. Pen Post author

      Yeah, my mother (an attorney) was pretty livid about the fact that they did none of that legality-type stuff they’re supposed to.
      Well, they did offer me the male doctor in her practice, but not only is he not licensed exactly the same (she was not only my GP but my GYN and he isn’t a GYN at all) but he isn’t a good fit for me anyway, as he find my migraines and mental-health issues “hard to validate”.

      I’m hoping to check with friends and such to find someone. I did not think of Angie’s List though, I thank you for that suggestion!!

  5. vwoopvwoop

    you do deserve help. you also deserve to be given notice of something this important before it happens, and i’m very sorry that you have been triggered. regardless of what she is going through, you deserve to be cared for and this was no way for you to find out she is no longer practicing.
    i’m so sorry, pen. your reaction makes us think you feel abandoned and i can fully understand why it would feel that way. i’m not even sure it’s a matter of opinion, your GP (for whatever reason, valid or no) abandoned her post as one of your supports. i’m so, so sorry.
    you did nothing wrong, this is not your fault. you deserve help, respect, and support.

    please do not give up on the idea of finding someone who can be your GP. or if today you can’t think about it, perhaps in a few days when the shock has worn off you can consider it again. you deserve support and care as much as anyone else in the world (and shhh, i think perhaps *more*, because you matter to me).

    *safe hugs* (you are loved)

    1. Pen Post author

      Your comment made me all teary-eyed (in a good way). You are such a sweet, good person and such a great support to me.

      It really does feel like abandonment. I was scared to use that word because I didn’t know if it was too personal a word for a pretty much professional relationship. But I’m so utterly lost and unsure of where to go from here….

      Thank you for reminding me of my worth though. It’s so hard for me to remember. I’m going to do my best to get back onto my feet and get through this.

      Thank you for your thoughts- they truly meant a great deal to me ❤ ❤ ❤

  6. Dave Walker

    The universe is opening the door for a more amazing doctor to help you. I lost my doctor in August and felt the same way. I have since found a naturopath that has helped me make the move to the next level of healing. Sometimes a fresh perspective is exactly what we need.

  7. Lily

    Sorry girlfriend. That’s hard when you find the perfect fit for you and then they disappear. Don’t get too bummed out, you will find someone new. Try out some new people and don’t be afraid to say ‘no’ if they don’t work out.

    It will be okay!

  8. kat

    hey, that sucks. finding a new doc (GP) is hard. took me 3 of the last 4 to find a good one. now that you have insurance tho, you should be able to call the number on the card and ask for a few names of GP’s in your area, that are female, and can do GYN as well. You then make appts with them and You interview Them to see what the feel about different illnesses, and treatments and therapies. if You like Them, then you stop looking.

    1. Pen Post author

      I’m not the type to do the whole “out of a hat” thing. I’ve been starting ask friends and family for recommendations, although so far nothing’s been the type of fit I need.

      It may come to doing some more broad-type research, but I’ll probably still at least use a review website (like Angie’s List) for some idea. I don’t like seeing medical people blind. Way too triggery.

      Thank you for your thoughts 🙂


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