Pete is dead


This is not Pete, but it looks almost exactly like him.

Pete is dead.  I am heartbroken, petrified, and mental over this whole thing.

I should probably clarify though- Pete is my car. 

He has been my car for many years.  He was a good car.  A Honda Accord, comfortable, reliable.  Older, but Honda’s are angels for years and years.  And Pete had been babied since and before I received him from my father.


Sunday morning as I was simply driving down the street in front of my apartment, the front tire suddenly snapped off.


Snapped off.

According to the mechanic, it has so many things broken that it’s going to take over $1,000 to fix it.  Which is so close to what the car is technically worth that I can’t justify it.  Plus, the mechanic admitted it wouldn’t be super reliable after this bad of a fix.

So I have to get a new car.

I’m not really financially ready for that, so I’m stressing.  I’m freaking.  I’m trying not to let my mind go to dark places.

But it’s really hard.

This month has been so difficult.

I just wonder if there will be a time soon that the universe will be done shitting on me.

This is why I don’t deserve to be a normal girl who is healthy and happy.


**Note** I’m sorry I haven’t responded much to your comments on my last post.  They were appreciated, but I really couldn’t respond too much without lashing out or getting even more self-loathing, so I didn’t think it was a good idea.  The comments are still much appreciated, despite being a bit triggery.  This month sucks.

20 thoughts on “Pete is dead

  1. Mental Mama

    Honey, KNOCK IT OFF!!! You totally deserve to be normal and have a good life. The universe is just testing you right now – seeing how much bullshit you can take before you break. That’s the trick – not breaking. Chin up, it’ll get better. You can’t have a rainbow without a little rain.

    1. Pen Post author

      ….yeah, I don’t respond well to yelling.

      But I appreciate your thoughts.

      I’m pretty much at the point of breaking. My father is offering all sorts of trickery and deals to “help me” get a new car. I’m about desperate enough to do it. But then I get to be a robot lady again. Joy.

    2. Pen Post author

      I’m very sorry miss Mama. That was a rude comment. I did not mean to be a bitch. I know your “yelling” was in a friendly encouraging way. I’m pretty stretched thin right now and it just makes me all snappish.
      You are lovely to be so encouraging ❤

      1. Mental Mama

        Don’t sweat it, it’s all good. Life gets rough on us sometimes and the only way we know to react is to get rough right back. Just try to breathe and think rationally. There’s got to be some kind of reasonable solution to this situation, it just might not be an obvious one. If time permits, sleep on it for a night or two. Sometimes clarity comes easier to a well-rested mind.

  2. Grainne

    Why do they always seem to break right at the worst moment? Cars are so damn expensive. :S Sorry the extra stress is crowding you…hoping for a reprieve soon.

  3. sortaginger

    First, I am glad you aren’t hurt from the tire coming off. That could have been very dangerous.

    Second, RIP Pete. Cars stress me out on a special level, so I get it. Snappish is understandable (speaking for myself, not MM).

    Third, I didn’t reply to your last post since I am really in no place to give advice I can’t take, but you know I am there for you. So, as always, sending peace and strength to you for today. For me, it really is a day to day thing to try to get through and carry on.

    And I wish this effing month was over already, that spring was here, and for one less stressful day.

    1. Pen Post author

      I will be so very very happy when this damn month is over. And Spring comes. Stupid winter and stupid March.

      Yeah, I am glad I wasn’t hurt either. The closest I got was some ghetto looking guys drove past and stopped to bitch at and threaten me because my car was in the road when it broke, so I’m “slightly” blocking traffic. I pointed out that it was a one way street and there was plenty of room for them to go around (and my emergency flashers were on for plenty of warning). They were like “just put it in neutral and move it”. I glared at them and replied “I would love to. I doubt it’ll roll with one tire turned at a 90 degree angle, however.”
      They slunk away sheepishly after that.

      I appreciate the constant support. I’m not so vain as to require constant comments/replies 🙂

      RIP indeed Pete. You were a good car and you will be missed.

  4. aviets

    Oh, oh, oh….you DO deserve to be happy! Keep telling yourself that over and over again. And thank you for sharing about your car. We keep our cars until they literally can’t move any more – usually for way over 200,000 miles. And I get to love them so much, with all the memories they carry, that I always cry and mourn when one has to be taken away. It’s nice to know that losing an old car friend is hard for someone else, too – I thought I was alone in that. 🙂

    1. Pen Post author

      Haha. Yes, I am very attached to Pete. He was at about 250,000 miles. He was also my first car, so I mourn extra hard. He was a great friend to me. I totally admit to talking to him when driving. Only one-sided conversations though- I’m not that crazy 😉

      It’s nice to know I’m not the only one too. Car do so much for us they deserve to be almost like a member of the family.

  5. kat

    im so sorry to hear abt Pete! i am myself quite attached to my older toyota. i recently bought a 78 t-bird for my son, and it has a lot of things to fix. fixing his car made me think how im so happy to have my toyota and how upsetting it would be if it broke down and i couldnt afford to fix it. cars are not just things we own, they are part of us.

    1. Pen Post author

      They certainly are. I’m glad to see this is more common than I thought. I’m not crazy then- at least in this aspect 😉

  6. Mooselicker

    My car died back in January. I had it parked at my dad’s as parking in my neighborhood is a pain and I had nowhere to really drive to anymore. Another blogger I know named Pete (oddly enough) had his car die last month. Winter is rough on cars. May Pete rest in peace.

    1. Pen Post author

      However, I apparently have a cursed touch. The car I’m borrowing just had the starter stop working after weeks of being fine with it’s original owner. It’s at the auto shop now….

  7. vwoopvwoop

    a first car is always an enormous attachment! i loved my first car beyond words despite everyone else seeing it as an adorable little deathtrap. i named him phantom, after the phantom of the opera, which turned out to be weirdly clairvoyant because he was totaled in an accident that rather disfigured him, but only his left side. he may have been a tiny old car to everyone else, but to me he was a friend and he died protecting me and my sister, so i don’t care what anyone says, he was perfect. if there was a *point* to telling that story, it was mainly to say that i know how sad it must be to lose pete, because he has been there for you and protected you on so many journeys. you will always remember him and he genuinely mattered. ❤

    thank you, pete, for taking good care of my friend(s) all this time. ❤

    1. Pen Post author

      That’s a great name!! I love it! My friends bitched about Pete occasionally too, but he was a good car. He did so well for the 5+ years I had him.
      And it is a nice thought to think about him protecting me. Even at the end, his tire went out when I was meandering down a small deserted street, not flying down a busy highway. I am thankful for that.

      He will always be my first car 🙂

      Thank you for your kind words ❤


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