Someone is stealing time again.
I can’t go through this again.
And not just simple time stealing. It’s malicious. Upheaving type.
I know this because when I left work a bit ago, I unlocked my phone and opened the mobile browser to discover a website open to search “Northern Illinois available residences”.
I am terrified.
Not a single (allied) alter/insider has memory of this.
But my phone has a complicated passcode to get into it (thank you paranoia) so it had to be “me”.
Losing time is one thing. But secret planning is a whole other.
I don’t want to wake up somewhere unknown.
I promised myself I wouldn’t do that ever again.
How can I keep a promise to myself if my whole self doesn’t seem to agree?
pen, paper, and crazy 
Wow, that is scary, Pen. Do you have someone that you can reach out to when this happens? Not that it helps, but it keeps you from being alone.
I don’t have any one (who’s safe) that knows me in real life that is aware of my mental-health situation.
I tried last night to just go out with one of my friends just so I wouldn’t be alone with myself. But no one wanted to spend any time with me.
Maybe it’s best if I just let whoever wants to run just go.
Very frightening indeed. In my dreams (nightly nightmares) this happens to me often but I always wake where I was… At least in the vicinity of where I was even if I so sleepwalk.
Is there someone who can watch over you for the next while? Make sure you show up where you’re supposed to? Xx
No. I tried to spend time with some friends last night. No one wanted to. I don’t have many friends. Maybe I should just let them run.
😦 I know how that feels…having no one to turn to when you most need someone. I’m sorry you’re having to suffer this alone. If I could sit with you all day, I would.
eeks. thats scary! i have had a few really significant dissociative fugues in the past. and i lose time to an alter from time to time. but as for how to improve communication and to prevent any surprise moves, my suggestion would be to sit down and have a conversation in your head to all those inside (even if youre not aware of all of them) and explain calmly why such a surprise move or anything else like that, would be detrimental to all of you, that you have to be in the loop. and also, i suggest trying to reassure all insiders they are safe, wanted, and needed..just you need to be in the loop. i know its not as serious, but i kept having things disappear, and this is what i did. i had to have 2-3 of those conversations, but it finally worked.
hang in there, and good wishes!
We have pretty regular “board meetings” (I’ve worked/volunteered in an office environment my whole life….it shows, heh). but no one is wanting to fess up to this fear and desire to bolt.
I’m sorry you are dealing with that. Good and healing thoughts to you.
Kate
Thank you Kate.
I’m worried about you girl. Do your best to stay safe.
Trying. It’s hard. I can’t seem to find any support locally to at least distract me. Maybe I should just leave.
Nope, right where you are is where you’re supposed to be. Hang tight. I emailed you.