I definitely crashed today. I expected it. But it’s been a little more than I thought.

I made the (stupid) decision to go to this local health fair yesterday morning. It was mostly because they were giving out free spay vouchers and I wanted one for Zoe.

Good news is I got one.

Bad news is I decided to do some free screenings. My father has instilled in me this drive to take advantage of any free offers, especially if their a “high value” one. No matter how triggering.

And we all know how triggering the medical field is for Pen.

I was deeply disassociating by the mere second screening.

Those face masks.
The snap of the blue gloves.
Squeeze of the blood pressure cuff

Then somehow I end up at a BMI stand.
I know this will go badly. There’s a reason why I don’t own a scale.

The reading seems so high. I am blubber. No dinner for me today. Salad for the lunch I have scheduled with Mom.

And then I have to be social.

Just too much for one day.

So today I am my in my ball in bed. I am not dealing with the world.

I can barely deal with myself.

15 thoughts on “Crash

    1. Pen Post author

      I am a bit proud of myself, I was very good last night. I mostly just slept and watched trashy TV. No self-destruction. And lots of watching and holding puppies πŸ™‚

  1. vwoopvwoop

    😦 that sounds so stressful. i’m sorry, love. *safe hugs* sometimes i get the oddest feeling i wish i could bring over flowers or a plush toy or something to cheer you up, then i remember we communicate in a virtual realm so i can send you ALL THE IMAGINARY GIFTS I WANT! πŸ™‚ *sends you a gift basket of flowers and toys!*

    *more hugs*

    1. Pen Post author

      Yay!! And you picked out the perfect toys! And you knew purple irises are my favorite flower! You are the best at virtual gifts!

      Thank you for the hugs too. Those always mean a lot ❀

  2. GrayEyedAthena

    Sometimes it seems like the healthiest thing to do: beat a hasty retreat and hide under the covers and wait until YOU feel safe to come out. It’s better than the alternatives! I hope you’re doing ok! xoxo, g.

    1. Pen Post author

      So true. That re-charge time is sometimes the only thing I can manage without going to something more destructive.
      Doing much better today, thank you!


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