I’m so very tired of being hospitalized every couple weeks.
This is ridiculous.
I was just released late yesterday from my fifth ER visit in less than three years.
All related to this ridiculous hypertension that does not respond to treatment.
I had a coworker drive me from work on Tuesday because I was having chest pain and my BP was 204/167. The ER admitted immediately and did a good job to quickly rule out a heart attack or stroke.
From there, they played with the idea of a clot for awhile (blood screening showed that possibility). But when my contrast CT scan showed nada, they sort of gave up.
Technically they admitted me onto the floor for overnight observation, but that was only to give me a couple doses of IV blood pressure meds to bring down my points. It did help. The IV meds always do. But I can’t take those at home. The doctors ran a bunch of tests. I was prodded, poked, pricked, etc. I was very very disassociated pretty much the whole time.
A flicker happened when Army actually came and visited me. We’d actually been a bit in contact via text because I just instinctively contacted him when I didn’t know how to respond to strange chest pain (I’m an idiot, I acknowledge that).
He’s never visited me in the hospital. He stayed for a couple hours and despite sassing the nurse, it was nice. He tried to take over for a guy who was running an EKG because he saw me immediately withdraw and disassociate when the EKG guy lifted up my hospital gown to attach the leads. If I’d spoken up, they would have let him (he was wearing his EMT uniform), but I was too far gone by that time.
I don’t remember a lot of it. There was a lot of pain, nausea, and dizziness.
My father didn’t even bother visiting me. Then he was offended when I didn’t call him first when I got my discharge paperwork.
But the doctors are still stymied. Well. Not stymied. Apathetic.
Doctors: We think you perhaps just have crazy high blood pressure.
To which I (well, Charlotte) responded with annoyance: So you’ve seen other similar cases of a female in her mid-twenties who does not smoke, take birth control, regularly exercises, has a normal BMI index, no family history of high blood pressure or heart disease, doesn’t eat fast food, is relatively good about taking her medications, be hospitalize multiple times a year for extreme hypertension crisis or related matters?
Doctors: Uhh…well…no. But sometimes there just isn’t an underlying cause.
That’s why I’ve been quiet. I’m discharged as of yesterday. Feeling shitty still.
Sometimes I wonder if maybe I just wasn’t meant to live. My body seems to be telling me that.