Not working

Everything is not working.

I’ve had multiple people back out of taking a puppy (one even brought it back after taking it).
I can’t handle them anymore. They’re too noisy, too playful, too messy. I can’t remember how I handled it with Zoe.

So now I’m alone because Mom took them because I can’t handle them.

I’m on my second day of a migraine of death and I can’t even get a simple doctor. I’ve called a bunch of GPs recommended by my insurance company and none of them are accepting patients.

I miss Dr. M so very much.

I just feel like the universe is conspiring against me. I think the fact that I haven’t eaten in 3 days or been able to keep liquids down for 24 hours has me edging a bit on extraaaa crazy.

I just feel done. So very done. I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to be uncomfortable anymore. I don’t want to be a burden anymore. I just don’t want.

Except for one thing. I do want to just be done. With everything.

14 thoughts on “Not working

  1. Mental Mama

    If you haven’t kept down any fluids in 2 days I’d say it’s probably time to head to the ER for an IV. You don’t want to get yourself completely dehydrated. Try to take care of yourself, we all still love you.

    1. Pen Post author

      I survived. Doing better now. I managed to sip some stuff enough to get slightly rehydrated. It helped to have the liquid room temp or warmer- cold liquids trigger my stomach faster.

      Thank you for thinking of me and sending your support. ❤

  2. sortaginger

    Can you go to an urgent care center? I don’t know what state you are in but several here have primary care doctors so it doesn’t cost more than a regular visit.

    Then again, I agree with the above commenter, maybe a trip to the ER is needed between the migraine and the mood/depression/etc.

    I hope you feel better soon.

    1. Pen Post author

      I managed to eventually keep some liquid down, when it was room temp or warmer. I just couldn’t do chilly or cold stuff.

      I think I’ll be okay now. I’m not going to be alone much in the next couple days, and that’s really what’s the worse thing for me.

      Thanks for your thoughts ❤

  3. Wanderer

    Why is it that headaches make everything especially bad? I can’t imagine dealing with a migraine. Please take care of yourself, dear Pen. I’m hoping this soon will pass.

    1. Pen Post author

      It is much better now. I am nausea-free and mostly-pain-free. Mood is a bit better. I’m not going to be alone for the next couple days, and that’s really the main issue I have. Me, myself, and I are the worse of companions.

      Thank you for you support ❤

      1. Wanderer

        I’m glad you’re feeling better physically and I hope the mood keeps getting better! Hopefully it will once you’ve got some warm bodies around. And I’m glad to be of whatever support I can!

      2. Wanderer

        STILL HAVEN’T SEEN IT. I’ve been watching Skins, however, which stars the Zombie male lead. I need to rent it. But you’re welcome!

  4. Grainne

    Oh honey…the low fluids are likely making your headache so much worse. Can you try sipping on some Gatorade? Keep your electrolytes up if you can..don’t worry about the food for now.

    I wish I could help somehow xx

    1. Pen Post author

      I managed to sip room temp liquids. It was chilly/cold liquids that trigger my upset stomach the most.

      Feeling better now, thankfully.

      Your comment was much appreciated. Knowing there are those out there who wish me well helps a lot ❤


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