Cluster Casserole

Yeah.  I meant clusterfuck, but I thought that might be an inappropriate blog post title.

I know a lot of my blog friends are from the U.K. and I’m not sure if they have the expression “clusterfuck” over there, but that is the only apt descriptor for my current situation.

(I’m gonna borrow lovely WeeGee’s footnotes style for one entry because I cannot express myself in this entry without a lot of quick abbreviations and expression because my mind is a great big swirly mess of horribleness*)

Clusterfuck.  It means that basically, some big universe-controlling person** took the ingredients of my life and swirled them around in a bowl.  Then they were supposed to add the ingredients to create a semi-passable cake or brownie; but instead, this idiot PTB*** added the WRONG ingredients that turned my bowl of a life into some awful casserole of fuck-uppery instead of a good sweet dessert of yumminess like I desired.

Clusterfuck Casserole

1 part Pen who is trying to get her butt into more a healing gear lately

1 part messy “vacation” with her father to her hometown that was a mix of good, bad, and utterly horrible****
1 part her grandfather (the local/maternal one, not Chicago/paternal) going into a risky surgery this past Friday*****
1 part things going all roller coaster-y in the relationship with Army******
1 part having to spend time with a lot of family and be near/in a hospital
1 part making the mistake of going out drinking with people she barely knows Friday night

Season with:
a sprinkle of taking care of puppies for extended periods of time (as well as another one getting adopted)
a pinch of no communication or spending time with close friends in almost a week
a dollop of next to no sleep for going on 4 days now

Stick in the oven at about 400 degrees for 5 days.


The blog world is a bit much right now.  I’m trying to ease back into reading and commenting on some.  Sorry it isn’t everyone.  I’m doing my best.  Bear with me.  I’ll eventually be back to normal.  Hopefully.  For the moment I’m going to attempt pretending at being a normal person at work when all I really want to do is curl into a ball of self-loathing and debate on sobbing.

*i.e. Clusterfuck
**I don’t mean a god, necessarily.  Maybe I mean FSM.*******
***Powers That Be.  I took this from Cordelia’s expression of them in the show “Angel” (Joss Whedon!)
****Yes, that was over a week ago, but I am still recovering due to the extreme backlash of drama that happened from it
*****For which I was just told the night before.  The night before.  About surgery that he could easily DIE from.
****** Of course, when is it not?
*******Flying Spaghetti Monster

15 thoughts on “Cluster Casserole

  1. Mental Mama

    Hang in there sweetie. Take all the time you need to get yourself back on track – I’m pretty sure everyone here understands the importance of doing that sometimes and will totally respect your space. I hope you start feeling better soon. *hugs*

  2. Grainne

    I hate it when everything comes crashing in like that. It’s like one little things goes and suddenly you’re left standing there in a mess, everything in your life falling apart. I wish I could get in there and separate all the ingredients again…give you back some focus. xx Take care of yourself as much as you can in those tiny moments of calm in between.

  3. butcheringsaint

    yes I think your “casserole” is aptly subtitled and fitting. I like your footnote style and had a few chuckles over the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Cool. What you are going through, NOT COOL! How you responded on here to it is cool though. Great post, and cheers!

    1. Pen Post author

      Lol. Thanks. I’m not the one to come up with the style, actually. But I did find it useful in this particular post.

      All posts can use more mention of FSM 😉

      Thanks for your thoughts!

  4. Wanderer

    As if I needed another reason to adore you, any Angel references get you 57 gold stars. Which totally count for like…stuff. It seems like you were able to interject a little bit of humor (be it wry and sarcastic or not) even if it was just in hindsight. I hope you get some good “me” time and some Zoe cuddles and definitely catch up on some sleep. The world can seem a tad bit brighter after a good dose of snoozing. Hang in there.

    1. Pen Post author

      Haha. And likewise, hearing you’re a fan. Cordy is my favorite in that series.

      I think I’m going to take Zoe for a long walk tonight. Then she and I will both sleep well 🙂

      Thanks for your thoughts. I’ll collect on those 57 stars eventually 😉

      1. Wanderer

        I actually don’t think I’ve seen the whole series in order but since discovering it’s on Netflix…I know what I’ll be doing for the next month or so! It’s great how a little bit of exercise can be just what you need to sleep well. I’ll have them shined and ready when you do! 😉

      2. Wanderer

        I will! I was always a Spike fan. Love me some James Marster although I’m eternally wounded that he is not, in fact, British.

      3. Pen Post author

        Lol. It was disappointing to me as well. I like Spike pre-Buffy obsession and how he is in Angel. I hate him mooning over Buffy.
        Honestly, for being a big Buffy-universe fan, I very much dislike Buffy herself.

      4. Wanderer

        I never got into Buffy…I stumbled across Angel back when it was in re-runs, I think and I never bothered to watch Buffy. I think I would have shared your opinion though!

  5. vwoopvwoop

    oh dear. i’m sorry things are so stressful at the moment. 😦

    talking about the buffyverse is an *excellent* distractor though…willow is a darling. and faith is too cool for any of those sunnydale kids. i never got into angel. but i’ve heard cordi has an incredible character arc in it so i should probably watch just for her.

    1. Pen Post author

      Faith is my fav from Buffy 🙂 I may eventually get a tattoo saying “Five by five”.

      Cordy is lovely in Angel. It makes me like her all the more in Buffy.


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