Fear for Zoe

Zoe did something super scary this morning.

She woke me up by pressing herself forcefully against me (she is an affectionate dog, but not to this extreme and especially not during the summer) and the skin on her back and sides was trembling violently like she was shivering (the room was at least 60 degrees).

My initial concern was a seizure.  I know a couple dogs who’ve had them.  But she was responsive to me, let me move her and manipulate her while following my hands or mouth.  She did not whimper, pant, or drool.  Her legs did not stiffen or twitch.

When I tried to get up, she flung herself into my lap and continued to tremble.  Her eyes stared up into my face and her nose tried to touch the nearest bit of me she could.  I thought then that perhaps she was just scared (a bad dream?) and picked her up as I stood.  I carried her to the couch and sat with her, saying soothing words and petting her lightly.  

As soon as I was within a couple feet of the door, she started squirming and I put her down so I wouldn’t harm her.  She ran to the front door and pressed herself against it, staring up at me.

Ok. She wants to go outside.  I’m not an idiot.  I took her outside where she halfheartedly sniffed and wandered around, sniffed, peed, had a small poo (normal-looking) and then let me take her inside.  

She then proceeded to climb up next to me on the couch and do the same thing from the morning.  Pressing herself against me almost painfully with her back and sides trembling.

I called the vet.  They were not very helpful.  They said it could be a toxin she ingested (though I informed them she hasn’t vomited or had diarrhea, or trouble eating and drinking), seizures (though they admitted they agreed it was unlikely with her responsiveness to me), or just “a behavior possibility” (i.e. she just freaked herself out).

My dog is not a timid thing.  She comforts me during thunder storms, she asserts herself with all strangers (dog and people alike), she boldly goes in the car and into new buildings she’s never been in.

When I pressed the vet further, they stated they would have to have her come in for an appointment.  However, until July 15th, I absolutely CANNOT miss any work (not to mention I don’t have any leave time left after my most recent hospitalization).  They don’t have any openings before or after I get off.

Tomorrow is July 4th, a national holiday.  They are closed.  They say if she gets worse, I will have to take her to an emergency vet.

I desperately wanted to stay home with her.  I desperately wish my mother wasn’t out of town so she could watch her.

Neither of those two things are an option.

So here I am, physically at work, while my mind is frantically trying to reach back and be with my guardian angel of a dog.

It breaks my heart that she is always with me with I feel unwell, but I cannot be with her.

My system is fractured too.  I have yelling, crying, screaming, sobbing, begging, on and on and on in my head.  It’s all I can do to try and maintain some semblance of normalcy here at work.

I am hoping our office closes early for the holiday.

18 thoughts on “Fear for Zoe

    1. Pen Post author

      She is good now. I think it was a behavioral thing (bad dream, perhaps?). I’m very relieved she is all right.

      Thank you for your thoughts ❤

      1. Wanderer

        So glad to hear it! It definitely sounded like she was really frightened by something, so I’m glad it passed. Continued good thoughts for you AND Zoe!

      2. Pen Post author

        We will take a steady stream 😉

        It was just baffling that she could be so scared- she has no such reactions to gunshots, storms, or fireworks. Some friends and family have suggested she had a bad dream or was feeding off my own stress and discomfort. Which we know I have a lot of… 😦
        I hope I’m not causing her pain.

      3. Wanderer

        It certainly sounds like it could have been a very bad dream, but dogs are amazingly intuitive, so if you were bothered by something perhaps she was just worried about you. It’s a dog’s duty to care about and for their owner—and vice versa—I think Zoe is lucky to have you, even with your times of stress.

      4. Pen Post author

        You’re sweet. Truly it’s that I’m lucky to have her. She has been such a rock with my crazy life over the past two years. I really do believe she was sent to be my guardian angel 🙂

    1. Pen Post author

      It was a terrifying thought. She is okay now. I don’t know what I would do if anything ever happened to her 😦

      Thanks for the hugs ❤

    1. Pen Post author

      She’s okay now. Not sure what it was- maybe just a bad ream? Thank you for your thoughts. I know you understand how I feel about her being in pain ❤

  1. vwoopvwoop

    sending a lot of love and positive thoughts to zoe. i am worried about her. *lots of hugs for zoe*

    and of course a zillion and one hugs for you, love. i’m sorry this worrying thing is happening. please keep us updated if you can. we care about you all.

    1. Pen Post author

      Thank you so much. She is good now, thankfully. I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to her…. 😦
      She means so very much to me it’s scary to think that she’s a dog and something could (and will) happen to her….I just try to stay positive in the moment.

      Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and words. And hugs ❤

    1. Pen Post author

      Thank you for your thoughts ❤ She is good now, thankfully. No sure what happened. Bad dream perhaps? I'm just glad she's okay now.


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