Ever played the If Game?
If this light turns green now, I’ll be on time to work.
I used to play it all the time as a child.
Not logical things. Not like, If I get an A on this paper, Dad won’t be angry.
More like, If I can catch a falling leaf out of the air, Dad will be in his room all night.
Stupid childish stuff.
I find myself slipping back into it lately.
If my BP is lower today, things are going to finally start improving
If I can get through this work day without a single urge to just go home, I can stick with this job
If Beau* can get through two hours without texting me bullshit, this relationship could be long term
If that ambulance I see in the distance is ———-**, Army is missing me
It’s a dumb game.
Though I’m sure it says a lot about me.
I’m not happy.
I was a little over a week ago. I remember. Why can I not stay happy? That’s all I want. Not forever, just for longer than a week or two.
If the sun is shining tomorrow, I will be happy
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*Nickname/Pseudonym I decided to go with for this new relationship
**The name of the company Army works for, but I’m not going to put it in this post. It’s a small private company.
pen, paper, and crazy 
I think the “if” game is the story of my life, or at least my day to to day existence.
Haha. I play it with myself way too often. It’s either this or the “What if” game, not to be confused despite having a similar name. The What If game is where you daydream about what your life would be like if some big change happened. For me it’s usually owning my own dream house and being comfortable financially (not rich, just comfortable). Dumb domestic stuff like that.
You aren’t the only one. 🙂
Yay! I’m so glad when my dumb games aren’t just mine 🙂