Petty Drama

“We accept the love we think we deserve”  -Stephen Chboksy, “Perks of Being a Wallflower”

I’m feeling a bit divided today.

Basically, Facebook drama has reared its ugly head.  Sometimes I wonder why I’m even on Facebook.

I hate that I have to blog about something that seems so very petty, but it’s really upset me.

Army, during this probationary period we’re trying, recently decided to take more of an interest in my social life and what makes me happy.

I decided to share a little about some of my best coping techniques.  One of those includes the lovely friendship I have with Rogers.  It’s extremely rare for me to feel this emotionally comfortable with someone of the opposite gender.

It’s nice to be able to just honestly tell someone about my emotional state and when I’m triggered and what the trigger entails, etc.  I don’t have to be vague.  I don’t have to say something like “Oh…it’s just been a stressful day.”

It’s a relief.

I sometimes worry that I take advantage of my friendship with Rogers.  It’s hard to have so few friends who really know “me”. Also, he’s one of my few “techy” friends, so he gets bombarded with dumb questions like “How do I take a screenshot on my new iPhone?”

Anyway. Told Army about how Rogers is a really amazing friend. And Army seemed to take a genuine interest. I also realized they’ll probably both be at a Halloween event that I’m helping with this year.

Now, Army is very very Libertarian (conservative leaning) and Rogers is very liberal (socialist ideals).  They’ve butted heads over this in the past.

I requested that Army respect Rogers were they to encounter each other at said Halloween event. Army agreed.

Then this morning, he decided to friend Rogers on Facebook. I have no clue why. But within ten minutes, he finds a liberal slanted status and proceeds to reply with patronizing snark.

Rogers, who suffers from some similar anxiety and confrontation-fear that I do, decided to unfriend Army and delete the post.  Understandable.

Army then messages me about the situation and tries to appeal to the fact that he “just had to explain something close to [his] heart”.  (Note: he means gun legislation)

I feel torn. I understand how Army is about gun control. But I also feel he isn’t understanding how it looks to Rogers. He thought he was being offered something akin to an olive branch, and suddenly it’s being snapped in half.

I dislike conflict.  I dislike having to “pick sides”.

Honestly, I’m on Rogers’. Army was completely unreasonable.

But this makes me worry that my romantic life and social life will not be able to easily mix.  Ever. This isn’t the first friend of mine that Army has alienated.

How can my relationship with Army be long term if he can’t understand how not to insult my friends?

This really is unnecessary stress, but I can’t seem to force myself to move beyond my concerns.

I’m now thinking about telling Army he can’t come to the Halloween event.  Which seems entirely unfair; both to him and myself (I do enjoy his company when he isn’t an asshat).

But I know I won’t enjoy it if it turns into some insult/debate-athon.

I just wish he could shut down that part of him for others like he does for me.  But it doesn’t seem to be possible.

I also feel dumb for dumping this petty drama in a post on my blog.  I promise to return to more deep and relevant posts in the future.

Thanks for your patience (if you’ve even read this far).

Hope your day is going better than mine.

12 thoughts on “Petty Drama

  1. Wanderer

    So sorry to hear that—and this is your blog where you can share whatever you want! Facebook/internet drama seems petty, but it’s such a real part of our lives these days. Really, how different is it from you going to lunch/coffee/what-have-you with Army and UberDork and them having a heated debate off a casual statement.
    On the one hand, I think it’s a bit naive for people to post political views (especially controversial/divisive ones) and not expect argument. That said, it IS a free country and expressing your political beliefs and opinions is our right. I don’t think Army handled it well. I can understand why UberDork reacted the way he did. I wonder if, in some way, Army thought engaging in a discussion was a way to make friends? It does sounds like he was less than tactful, however, so his motives may not have been that honorable.
    Sorry again—I hesitate to give advice, but I wouldn’t go right out and un-invite Army. If you haven’t already tried talking to him about the stress/inappropriateness of his behavior, maybe you could talk to him—see if he really didn’t realize how he would come across.

    1. Pen Post author

      Hm. That is a good point. Army would see it as a friendly exchange. He debates constantly with his friends, even good ones. I think perhaps it is just a matter of two radically different people and their responses to a situation.

      He and I have been talking about it. It was what caused this post. He wanted to explain to me that he wasn’t trying to be an outright jerk, it’s just that he saw the status and wanted to show the flip side of the debate.

      I actually really thank you for your opinion. It’s really helped me think about this a bit better and not stress so much. You’ve got some wisdom going on 😉

      1. Wanderer

        Glad to help in any capacity! I have friends that like to debate just to debate—so I could see how Army might have that mindset. I think the fact that he wanted to explain himself is a good sign—and probably also shows that he knows (at some level) that he overstepped some bounds.
        Maybe once he and UberDork are able to realize that they don’t necessarily interact the same way, they’ll be able to avoid/move past situations like this one?
        Best of luck—I know balancing friendships with people who tend to rub each other the wrong way can be tricky!

  2. vwoopvwoop

    army, come ON, dude. ugh respecting other people’s space is really important to me, and i realize facebook means different things to different people, but to me it seems that uberdork was just posting something in his own space and if army didn’t agree then *fine, but he didn’t have to make a fuss*. it is perfectly possible to disagree with someone’s opinion and not need to confront them over it (or do it politely if you *must*). army can post whatever he likes on his own page, why does he need to police what other people post? i know lots of people who think like him, though, and believe that confronting other people’s views that they deem are “wrong” is not only a right, it’s a necessity. it’s mainly a bummer that he couldn’t understand that his confronting of your friend was directly disrespectful to YOU, not just uberdork.

    if you do decide to uninvite him to the halloween thing, i urge you not to feel guilty. you don’t owe him anything, you don’t want a confrontation and he has yet to prove that he can achieve that goal. i think whatever makes you feel safest, whatever will allow you to have a calmer, more enjoyable experience is fair. if you’re worried he’ll ruin your night then by all means don’t let him. some people are like that, they may or may not be aware of the consequences of their actions, and they may or may not be doing it on purpose, but you have the right to decide whether or not you want them around.

    whatever you choose, i support you. i hope the stress isn’t too much.

    *hugs hugs hugs* ❤

    1. Pen Post author

      You are a doll, as always. I think that is the bottom line: what makes me feel safest. I don’t want to go to my special Halloween night and encounter petty fighting and debating. I want to go enjoy the holiday and be relaxed with my friends.

      Army has a problem comprehending when he is crossing a boundary he isn’t familiar with (like turning a status into a hardcore political debate). Granted, I don’t talk about politics on Facebook because 70% of people turn it into this nasty underhanded thing and I don’t want to be a part of that.
      I just don’t want my general social situations turning in a FB political debate…

      Warm thoughts to you ❤ ❤

  3. kat

    this is exactly why i deleted my facebook account a few years ago. way, way, too much drama over things that arent that important. i have never missed having it since then, either!

    So, don’t worry, you are not the only one who finds themselves in the midst of petty facebook drama that takes on large proportions. and i do hope you can find a happy medium between your love(Army) life and your social (UberDork and other friends) lives. But it maybe that you just have to have your own friends and he just needs to have his own friends, and they shan’t meet and the two of you exist just as the 2 of you. I once had a very good friend who was like that. She went out with her girlfriends, and he went out with his guy friends, and other inbetween times, they were just them with no other friends.

    good luck with this!

  4. NotAPunkRocker

    I wish I had some answers for you, but I just don’t. I am a huge believer in keep your beliefs on your page, don’t attack mine and I won’t attack yours. The constant violators of these rules were my family, which is why I finally blocked them.

    I hope you are able to figure out a way to reconcile these two sides to each other. Hugs to you in the meantime.

  5. Mental Mama

    Boys. Give them both pointy sticks and let them poke each other.
    It does sound like Army has a different “style” than UberDork and that this is what is at the root of it all. While I don’t think you should be an intermediary, it might be acceptable this once to explain to UberDork what Army meant. And then if Army does it again you whomp him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper and put him in his kennel.

    1. Pen Post author

      Boys do like their sticks. Especially pointy.

      I agree that’s it’s very much a matter of differing styles and thinking methods. They are two very different men. But, as seen by my post today, Army’s already trying to work around it. Thankfully.

      I do like the idea of a newspaper smack though…

  6. anxiouselephant

    I completely understand why you’re upset/worried about this situation, I hate being in the middle of conflict too, especially when both people are close to me! Did you manage to speak to Army about why this bothered you? I doubt that Army meant to be horrible, when people have strong opinions sometimes they find it hard not to voice them, even if it is not always the best thing to do! Sending hugs your way – don’t stress! I’m sure that for your sake the two of them will be able to be civil at least at Halloween! xxx


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