I’m already dreading Sunday and feeling that curling sick feeling in my stomach.
Probably won’t post this weekend.
I heard two women on the elevator this morning talking about st–lborns and mis—riages. I have no idea why a person would discuss such topics on a busy public elevator.
I’ve had some planning issues with having company on Sunday. I’m not sure if it’s going to happen.
Army get some credit though, as he is trying very hard to get a shift swap to take place so he can be off. The problem is he has this absolutely horrible partner that everyone in his company hates and no one wants to work with. So I’m not sure about him being available.
Texas was supposed to be, but she said she’s got some homework and her boyfriend’s soccer game. I keep reminding myself that I need to stop being selfish and other people have lives and sitting with a dumb girl who is just having a case of the mentals is no one’s idea of a good way to spend a Sunday.
Rogers said he’s still down. And he’s being gracious about Army joining us if he is able to get off.
I’m just dreading it so much.
I know I shouldn’t drink or down any pills that day or my mind will just swirl out of control. Rogers has offered me the herbal alternative if I would like, but I am unsure how that would affect me when I’m so unbalanced. Especially with the DID/MPD.
I just want this weekend to pass without me carving words into my skin again while high on pills and drunk on booze. And alone. Last year was such a mess.
I just want to have an excuse to not dwell. If I’m alone, I know I’ll dwelldwelldwell. But it feels so ridiculous and selfish asking other people to spend time with me when I know I’ll be probably semi-robotic and terrible company.
I should stop being so selfish and just stay at the apartment. Maybe I could managing some sort of movie-thon on my own.