In Need




I know I have been so very quiet lately.

And I wanted very much to delete my last entry.  Even speaking of her influence on me has caused such a cataclysmic backlash to my state of mind.  And this week has been so very stressful, job-wise, health-wise, friend-wise, mentals-wise.

Today I would just like to know I am heard.  I am not alone.  I am alive.  

Because I am wondering right now.  I am feeling like a ghost.  A specter, wraith, who merely glides around and attempts to play amongst the living.

If perhaps a couple of you could give me some sort of feeling of warmth, it would mean the world to me.

I don’t like to reach out.  To ask for help.  To admit fault.

But today I am in need.


25 thoughts on “In Need

  1. vwoopvwoop

    you are not alone. ❤
    you are heard, you matter, you are real and alive and i have been thinking of you a lot even in your absence. i care about you, i worry and i love you, dear friend. <33333
    YOU MATTER TO MEEEE~~~~ you are a ray of light, darling, you are kind and thoughtful and you are my friend.
    i hope zoe is giving you sufficient cuddles. *lots and lots of hugs*
    love love love

  2. Mental Mama

    Hi sweetie, I’m here. I’ve been quite unpleasantly busy lately, but I’m happy to chat if you need me. I’m sorry that “thing” upset you so much. I wish I could do something productive that would make sure you never had to encounter it again.

    1. Pen Post author

      I have to remember I have those people I can chat with. I know your cute pics you post on FB always give me a smile. That means a lot.

      That “something productive” might be bordering on a felony though 😛 I have many friends who wish to provide that service for me. But I prefer my friends accessible and not in jail.


  3. Wanderer

    I just caught up on a few of your posts that I’ve missed–I missed them because I wasn’t keeping up with WordPress and I missed hearing from you here. Glad you’ve popped in, I was thinking about you today!

    1. Pen Post author

      I haven’t been keeping up with WordPress either. Bleh. This month just seems to be the month of internet blahs for many.
      It’s sweet that you were thinking of me. That makes me blush and smile 🙂

  4. YaniDarling

    I saw this post come through my email as I was driving to work and I couldn’t wait to get to my desk.

    Sometimes in the midst of everything we forget how very special we are. Each individual is unique and priceless, just as you are. You are not alone. Ever. Have a great day and remind yourself that you’re worth it.

    1. Pen Post author

      Oh wow. I’m honored. To cause such eagerness to communicate is truly humbling. And your words are absolutely sweet. I appreciate them so very much. It’s hard to remember that I’m not alone, so every single reminder helps.

      Lots of warm thoughts ❤

    1. Pen Post author

      Zoe has been very helpful. She keeps me from teetering too far off the edge of that cliff. You guys all help a lot too. Thanks for your words ❤

  5. kat

    i always feel the same way–guilty and regretful that i even think about asking for help or support. but here is some support for you from me–no matter what, you are deserving of help, friendship, kindness, support, whenever you need it (as do we all). love your dog, talk to people and communicate with your blog and anything else you can think of that might help you right now.

    1. Pen Post author

      I think it’s truly depressing that so many of us find it so damn hard to just ask for help. Ask for words. Ask to be seen. To be be heard. It’s so very sad.

      Thank you for your support and happy thoughts. It’s great to hear from you ❤

  6. Choirduck

    I don’t have good words. I just felt it was important to say that I heard you. I wish I could tell you the things my heart wishes to express, but all I can say is they are full of warmth and comfort and understanding for you. I’d give you a hug, if you’d let me. A hug from me is the best words I have.

    1. Pen Post author

      Good words are certainly not necessary. It means a lot that you merely took the time to stop and say something to me. To acknowledge you heard what I said and offer me comfort. Thank you from my heart for that ❤

  7. Lily

    Hey Pen! I’m sorry you’re feeling low. This time of year always seems to magnify the sadness inside us. I hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself, do things that you like to do and that make you happy. Surround yourself with uplifting people. And know that you are loved 🙂

    1. Pen Post author

      Hi Ms. Lily. I’ve missed your funny posts (I’ve been playing turtle on reading blogs lately) much lately. I really should go catch up on them to give me a smile, as you always do. Thank you for dropping by and giving me such kind words. ❤

  8. Grainne

    Holy crap you did it!!!!! 😀 I’m so proud of you!! I know how impossible reaching for help feels sometimes and I know it’s about your least favourite method of communication but look at this! You did it!! xoxoxox I’m in a dark place myself but it doesn’t affect how I feel for you. I care about you…it’s amazing how hard you try to just keep getting to a better place.

    Much love. Come for hugs over email later if you’re interested. xox

    1. Pen Post author

      Aw, shucks. You got me blushing now with your knowing of how hard this post was. Thanks twinner. I do find it amazing that I did it. And I’m even more amazed by how much it helped. My god, all these people are so wonderful.

      I know you aren’t doing well from your emails. I was very sad to see that. I hope we both reach some better places here soon. Or I might have to come kidnap you so we can fly to Spain and warm up for awhile. ❤ ❤ ❤

      1. Grainne

        You are so awesome. I’d give just about anything to meet you in Spain for a…year. (Can we stay for a decade maybe? I have lots of talents…I’m sure I could get a part time job as ….hmm..what? Towel girl? Zero stress (zero money but who the hell cares, we’d be in Spain!).

        ah…dreams. Thanks for being my friend Pen. Sheds a touch of light on a bleak day. xx

  9. anxiouselephant

    I’m sorry this is so late, but just wanted to say I’m thinking of you. I hope you’re doing ok, and I think it’s really good that you’re reaching out for help. You are not alone, and you will get through this hard time. Sending hugs and hope xxx


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