Hospital Arms

Hospital arms are pale.

Five days of the sun not kissing that skin does much.

And yet these hospital arms are still a variety of colors.

There are a smattering of purple-black bruises. And some even faded to the sickly green-yellow of age.

Most hover on the inside of this girl’s elbow

Someone who was unfamiliar with the way lab tests and IVs affect this girl would ask upsetting questions regarding illicit drug use.

They would hiss heroin.

There is the red of stress and the red of fresh pricks that sapped the girl’s life blood.
They need so many vials for tests that never show any results.

Though the tape they use to staunch the pricks doesn’t remain long, the sticky grey glue residue remains for days.

Standard soap does not help.

It is only when the girl scratches and claws at her skin desperately that stringy gray webs of the glue lift from her skin.

Five days in a hospital and these arms are covered in the evidence and signs of all that has been done to try and determine any solution.

To no avail.

There are no answers. Only ideas. Only theories. All of them whiplashes of terror-words.

Lacunar infarct
Infection
Lymphoma

MRIs and CT scans fly by and dance about but provide nothing magical.

And no surgery in sight. The idea of surgery is clamped down hard and fast. This girl is not a candidate for surgery. She is not normal. Surgery will kill her.

Yet they also say no surgery may kill her.

This girl distantly wonders what would happen if she just stopped taking the piles upon piles of meds the doctors say are barely keeping her from stroke or heart attack.

Her hospital arms tremble. They are tired. They not longer desire to push or carry or pull or reach or lift.

They are hospital arms only.

They will never be healthy arms again.

20131126-185207.jpg

6 thoughts on “Hospital Arms

  1. vwoopvwoop

    oh my goodness, pen. things seem very dire. 😦
    we’re so sorry to hear you’ve been so ill, and remain ill. we are so, so sorry dear friend(s). the hospital is a scary place, and it sounds as though you are living in a scary place emotionally too. our thoughts are with you now, and our hearts go out to you. we send love and hugs. we don’t pretend to know what you’re going through, but we want you to know you are loved. <333

    Reply
  2. Wanderer

    Dear Pen, I know you’re not big on the “Big Guy” upstairs, so I hope this doesn’t upset you as I mean it with only the best of wishes, but I’ll be praying for you.
    I wish you a quick recovery and doctors that are knowledgable and kind. I hope things start looking up soon.

    Reply
  3. Grainne

    My heart is with you friend. There’s nothing I can do to bring you comfort but I will think of you and lend you any ounce of strength I have in me. I wish for answers for you. Ones that lead to treatment that changes everything and sets you back on a path to health. xoxo

    Reply
  4. Bourbon

    (((((((hugs)))))))) I am so sorry – all of this confusion and pain and fear must be so heavy to carry around. I’m here if I can do anything xx

    Reply

Please share your thoughts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s