Last night my phone let out the familiar bing sound stating I have a new Facebook message.
I did not expect it to cause a spiral of shame and self-loathing I haven’t felt in years.
The message was from a male acquaintance of mine. He’s one of those “friends of a friend” that I stay connected with on social networking because I like the feeling of being involved in a group. Even if it isn’t really an honest feeling.
I’m just going to summarize the message and most subsequent conversation because I really can’t even deal with having all of it here verbatim.
He stated he was offering me “the chance” to have sex with his fiancée so that she may get “girl sex out of her system”.
I was floored.
1.) I have not spoken to this man for over a year.
2.) I have never met his fiancée. Or spoken to her. Or seen her.
3,) He and I have never, ever discussed my sexual habits or tastes. I assume he found out from our mutual friend that I used to be in a relationship with a woman.
I tried to be delicate in my initial reply and stated that I was uncomfortable with his message, being as I’d never met his fiancée. I further explained that I am not comfortable with the whole sex with someone else while in a committed relationship.
He replied accusing me of thinking his fiancée is ugly and that “girl on girl does not count as cheating”, especially since he’s perfectly fine with it. He then said that he wouldn’t even “have to watch” if that was my “issue”.
At this point I’m sure I should have just stopped replying, unfriended and blocked him. But some little part of me just wanted to see why on earth he would think this way. And perhaps educate him on how “girl on girl sex” is not different from heterosexual sex.
So I followed up with obviously I could not be commenting on his fiancée’s appearance, being that I’d never met her. Additionally, that I wasn’t referring to his own comfort with his fiancée having sex with a second person; I was referring to the fact that my own boyfriend would not be okay with said experience. And that it was flat-out offensive to think that a lesbian experience would have any lesser meaning than a heterosexual.
Here’s where I just reeled.
I didn’t mean lesbian. You’re bisexual. You have sex with both. I’m offering you this awesome no strings attached opportunity with my fiancee, who is definitely hot, and you can do whatever you want to her. Bisexuals love that stuff.
I don’t even have words for that response.
Only shame. I hate this stigma with bisexuals so very much. So much.
I hate that it caused me to sob in my living room because of some person I’ve met two times in my life.
I hate the assumption that just because my body and mind isn’t capable of boxing attraction into a single gender that I must be a slutty desperate bit of flesh that anyone can just call up whenever they have some itch that needs to be scratched.
And I hate that this experience has upset me so much to cause a strong enough urge to update this blog after weeks of silence.
I’m just stricken and shamed and so very sad.
(Note: Sorry for the silence. I haven’t had much to say and I couldn’t bring myself to publish any of my inane drafts of bullshit updates. My health isn’t changed [besides additional ER visits]. My work or personal life hasn’t changed. I have nothing interesting to say and didn’t want to bother you all with mindless chatter. Hope everyone is well.)