Got the latest medical test results.

Trying to solve this chronic health issues.

Guess what was mailed?

There’s basically nothing wrong with me except I’m fat.

Of course I am.

My family doctor says 5’8″ and 146 is normal.

But the specialist says “weight loss” is the only thing that will solve my problems.

Fatty fat fat.

Dumb fat bitch. Stop listening to stupid hippy doctors.

Obviously the specialists know better.

Just stop eating. Stop stop stop. Replace with gin and pills. That’s a better plan anyway.

So much for my months of being free of self-harm.

The silver streaking pain feels so much better.
Feels better this way.

I deserve all I get.

16 thoughts on “Results

  1. Katrina

    i see you deleted this post after the email got sent, but i wanted to still comment on your test results. that doc that told you your chronic issues are because of your weight is a QUACK!! that’s just what they say when they don’t have an answer, a real answer, to the problem. so screw this guy and find another for a second opinion. because you are absolutely correct about your weight being perfectly normal for your height. i am 5’6″ and my doc tells me (and so do many many searches on the internet) that i should weigh between 135-155 (of course, I really am actually fat–but im working on it!) but earlier, before i gained all this weight from meds, i never weighed over 140 except after my kids were born. so, i know that that range is right for me, and that means that your family doc, my family doc, me, you, and lots of studies on the net, are right. your weight is just fine, just perfect, for you. it is not you that is wrong, it is that a**hole of a doc. try to get a second opinion from a legit one, because your weight cannot possibly be the explanation to your heart, blood pressure, dizziness, etc. he just didnt look or didnt find the right answer. you are fine. i went 3 yrs with some chronic symptoms that every other doc pooh poohed as not so bad or in my head or whatever. after 3 yrs, i got the right doc, and found out i have a kidney disease caused by a med i take. it is very very rare, like less than 1% of all the people on this med get this disease. so hang in there!! please don’t give up, please dont hurt yourself, and stick to your guns.

    On Sat, May 10, 2014 at 5:19 PM, pen, paper, and crazy wrote:

    > Pen posted: “Got the latest medical test results. Trying to solve this > chronic health issues. Guess what was mailed? There’s basically nothing > wrong with me except I’m fat. Of course I am. My family doctor says 5’8″ > and 146 is normal. But the specialist says ” >

    1. adria

      I have to chime in and agree with this. I’ve had tons of doctors tell me I needed to lose weight for this and that, and then I actually found a competent doctor who figured out the problem and put me on meds for it and I’m much better. “Lose weight” is often their advice when they have no idea what they’re talking about. I am so sorry that you got this awful triggering piece of mail. 😦

      1. Pen Post author

        Doctors are basically awful. And yeah, getting that piece of mail on a Saturday when I had no friends or family available for support sucked bad. I’m glad I dug myself out eventually. Thank you for your thoughts- reading them helped even when I couldn’t speak.

    2. Pen Post author

      Thank you for this. It helps to hear I’m not the only one who’s struggled with this labeling and dismissal. I’m sad to hear your struggled with chronic issues for so long too. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
      Warm thoughts, ❤

    1. Pen Post author

      Thanks for the thoughts. I’m terrible about keeping up in the blog-world lately. I’m sorry- I have a lot going on and so little energy. I hope you are doing well.

  2. mintythings

    I’m so sorry the doctor said that to you. Having a degree and being a “specialist” doesn’t make them right. Lots of doctors are totally unreasonable about weight and will blame absolutely anything on it. Your weight is completely fine. According to BMI you are normal, and while there are problems with BMI, it’s the standard most doctors use. No doctor should be calling you fat.

    1. Pen Post author

      Doctors are definitely asshats. Thank you for these words. I read them when I was struggling, even though I didn’t have the strength to reply, they truly meant a great deal to me.

  3. Nataly

    “Lose weight” is rarely a viable or realistic diagnosis and treatment, unless the issue is an obesity related issue when the person is in fact obese. Which you are not. Not even close, not by a long shot. Chronic health issues are so frustrating, but although they might be diet related (i.e. vitamins, minerals etc) they are almost never weight related. It’s so different. And it’s rare that they are diet related. Keep searching for the real answer, my dear. This is not it. And that doctor should be fired. xo.

    1. Pen Post author

      I shall try my best to keep searching. Or perhaps I’m just mean to live with the occasional vomiting for no reason. Oh well.

      Thank you for your comment though- I read it when I was stuck in that dark circle of thoughts and it helped even though I couldn’t speak. Lots of warm thoughts ❤

  4. Bourbon

    wtf??? weight loss when someone is clearly not overweight?? what sort of Dr is he?? what an ignoramus… and what a trigger, I’m so sorry 😦 xx

    1. Pen Post author

      It was a sleep/neurological expert doctor. Also known as a complete asshat of a doctor. Ugh.

      Thanks you for commenting on this- it truly meant so much to see your name pop up on my notifications even though I didn’t have the strength to reach back out or speak. You are so lovely. ❤ ❤ ❤


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