The Boyfriend and Mental Health

Things are tangled today.

My thoughts, my feelings, my very self.

This past weekend Army and I spent a couple days together at my new house being couple-y and domestic. Something we’ve been giving some more thought to since I have a house now.

And at one point, mental-health came up (in a round about way, not in regards to me). Especially personality disorders.
In the past, Army has been understanding of depression and PTSD, but I think that is because he’s struggled with it. It is empathy as opposed to sympathy. He’s never really been able to truly grasp sympathy, even though I think he wants to. At least with me.

I’m trying to keep this post from degrading into a bitchy rant about his inability to be sensitive. We’ll see how I do.

Anyway, personality disorders came up.

And he immediately gets riled up and goes on a soapbox about how Sybil is a big, fat liar and so all personality disorders are crap and schizophrenia is the only “semi-legit crazy issue”.

I was floored. I am floored. I am completely at a loss. I tried to push back and explain that, just like the [multiple] people who’ve falsely claim to have Ebola it doesn’t void the legitimacy of the whole disease.

But I am not sure if I truly got through. I wasn’t brave enough to use myself as an example. I was terrified at him calling me a liar and faker. I’m a coward. And he refuses to compare physical health to mental health.

And now I question myself. Am I liar? A faker? Is all the issues I’ve struggled with regarding my identity since that abuse so long ago just a ripple in a pond? Caused by those pebbles I tossed in myself?

I am at a loss.

I feel lost.

9 thoughts on “The Boyfriend and Mental Health

  1. Mental Mama

    Mental illness are most certainly real, just as real as physical illnesses like diabetes. And schizophrenia is just one of many mental illnesses. You know this, you live it. Personally, I’d have a real hard time being with someone who wasn’t able to acknowledge that something I was struggling with was just as legitimate as a physical illness.

    1. Pen Post author

      I know. I’m a coward in multiple ways. But perhaps another conversation could straighten this out. I just didn’t want to keep discussing because it was feeling bullying. But perhaps if I was willing to be braver and pushier. He responds sometimes to evidence and persistent passion. I just didn’t have it in me after Friday.

      Thank you for your thoughts ❤

      1. Mental Mama

        I would never consider you a coward. Fighting mental illness is a hard thing to do, especially when you have physical issues on top of it. But some men (and women) do respond better to people pushing them back. Just take care of yourself, that’s the most important thing right now. Sending lots of ❤ and *hugs*

  2. kat

    HA! NO, you are NOT faking it, or imagining it. And by the way DID is a Dissociative Disorder, not a Personality Disorder (the main Personality Disorder is Borderline Personality Disorder). And you would expect that if he has had episodes of Depression and PTSD, that he would know that Schizophrenia and Bipolar are just as real, and even more so, those two are both based on dendrite formation in the hippocampus and prefrontal cortex–the dendrites have fewer spines and their length is much shorter than ‘normal’ dendrites in those who do not suffer from either bipolar or shizophrenia. This link was originally posted by Bipolar For LIfe blog.


    ok, well, maybe not take it that far. or maybe do. but you shouldn’t be doubting yourself, not one bit. and you should be putting him in his place too. he has no right to make those statements, esp. since he has experienced some kinds of mental illness himself.

    whatever you do, you are not the one who won’t open up your mind to all the current science and psychology of the modern world. you should tell him to try opening his mind a little. it only hurts the first time.

  3. kate1975

    Lack of a emotion towards others’ pain is a part of a mental disorder. It is human and normal to feel something, to feel compassion, to want to lessen pain. Army has always struck me as a sociopath. I dated one for several years myself. I dont think that I am projecting my own stuff. But I have always thought he was a sociopath.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.



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