Pointless

It’s been awhile since I’ve cried in the bathroom at work.

The short of it is I’m a gullible idiot.

The woman (and baby) I was going to help did come over Friday afternoon. And stayed until late last night. Then they moved back out.

Basically because I refused to help find her heroin-addicted husband that abandoned her after she had their baby. One of the main reasons she said she needed to stay with me was to get away from him and keep her baby safe.

And she let me adore that baby. And watch him all of Saturday while she had to go to the ER for surgery complications.

And she wants to put him back in danger.

I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m scared. I’m just upset.

I’m feeling used.

She had some drug-addicted friend come get her and obviously I couldn’t lock her in my house.

I’ve just learned that reaching out, giving a part of myself is never ever good. Every time I do it it backfires.

So I’m done.

I’ll just do that whole shadow walking the next couple weeks. Finish what’s needed at work before I get laid off on the 31st.

Then who knows?

I don’t know how long I’ll last alone in my house with no job or drive to do anything.

I just don’t see the point any longer.

Baby

I think I’ve done something crazy.

Well, like a normal kind of crazy. Not a crazy kind of crazy.

Maybe I better explain.

A dear friend of mine is in a tight spot financially and physically. She just finished a complicated pregnancy. Thankfully, the baby is absolutely perfect without health issues. She is still recovering (had to do a c-section for medical reasons) and cannot do much for 6 weeks. For reasons I don’t really want to get into (even though this is semi-anonymous, it’s still her life and her privacy and I want to respect it), she needs a place to stay for a couple weeks. Possibly 2-3 months.

Since I have a 4 bedroom house and no landlord, I offered mine.

I am not sure how it will go. But it clicked the moment I offered. I don’t get much into religion on this blog, but I think I did the right thing. It felt right. On a spiritual level.

I suppose we shall see.

Meanwhile, I’m trying to help with figuring out some supply stuff, doctor referrals, and safe transport type things. I am hoping it goes as smoothly as it can.

Any thoughts (and prayers) are appreciated.

Enjoy this picture of me holding the cutest baby in the freaking world. Seriously, he’s perfect.