It’s been awhile since I’ve cried in the bathroom at work.

The short of it is I’m a gullible idiot.

The woman (and baby) I was going to help did come over Friday afternoon. And stayed until late last night. Then they moved back out.

Basically because I refused to help find her heroin-addicted husband that abandoned her after she had their baby. One of the main reasons she said she needed to stay with me was to get away from him and keep her baby safe.

And she let me adore that baby. And watch him all of Saturday while she had to go to the ER for surgery complications.

And she wants to put him back in danger.

I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m scared. I’m just upset.

I’m feeling used.

She had some drug-addicted friend come get her and obviously I couldn’t lock her in my house.

I’ve just learned that reaching out, giving a part of myself is never ever good. Every time I do it it backfires.

So I’m done.

I’ll just do that whole shadow walking the next couple weeks. Finish what’s needed at work before I get laid off on the 31st.

Then who knows?

I don’t know how long I’ll last alone in my house with no job or drive to do anything.

I just don’t see the point any longer.

14 thoughts on “Pointless

  1. Mental Mama

    You can’t force someone to change, they have to want it. What you can do now is call Child Protective Services if you think the baby is in danger, and that’s what you should do if that’s the case.

    The point is that you’re an amazing woman with a huge heart and you really do have a ton to offer the world. Life is hard right now, for a lot of us, but please don’t give up yet. If nothing else, Zoe needs you.

    1. Pen Post author

      She’s (supposedly) leaving the state, so not much I can do. And even if she isn’t, I don’t have an address or anything to give CPS. I have no clue where she’s going, but she was evicted last week from the apartment she’d been in the past couple months (hence why she needed to stay with me). So I guess I’m shitty at even being able to pass the help onto an agency.

      1. Mental Mama

        Not shitty, just lacking all the info. And that’s entirely not your fault. You tried to do a good thing for someone in need and it just didn’t work, but that isn’t a reflection on you. It sucks that her baby might be in a bad situation, but you did what you could. Hard as it is, let it go.

  2. Grainne

    Aww honey. 😦 I still think you did a good thing, trying to provide her for a place to start learning from past mistakes. I’m sorry she did this to you though. *hugs* You come away the good person…it is no fault of yours that she wasn’t ready to accept the help she needs.

  3. kat

    don’t let this kind of person discourage you from being a caring and compassionate person who is willing to help. she just didn’t want real help at this time. and that’s not your fault.

  4. NotAPunkRocker

    (((HUGS))) I am sorry you got caught in the middle. At least for that one short period, you were able to help. I know that doesn’t help much, but it does make a difference.

  5. donofalltrades

    You cant help people who aren’t ready to help themselves. God, i’ve wanted to try to save so many people over the years as a cop that it’d drive me bonkers if i let their failures be my failures too. You tried, and that’s more than many people do. Youre a good person.

    1. Pen Post author

      Thank you. Your thoughts, especially because of your own experience, really help. I’m going to try and continue to remind myself that I did try. And that’s important too, regardless of outcome.

  6. Hannah

    Please don’t let the fact that someone took advantage of your kindness and selfless generosity break you down. You can’t force someone to realize that they are in a dangerous situation–they have to realize for themselves. Your ability to care deeply for people is what led you to make the decision to help them in the first place, and that was the right thing to do. But you can’t control how people respond to that–and you are not to blame. Here’s hoping she realizes she’s not making the safest choices soon.


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