The path isn’t a straight line; it’s a spiral. You continually come back to things you thought you understood and see deeper truths.

-Barry H. Gillespie

I was doing well. I was. I have a house. I own it 100% outright. I’m doing this adult thing. I even traveled this year.

But life isn’t a straight path. It’s a spiral and half the time, you come right back around to where you were.

And where I am now is not good.

My life is a spiral.

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7 thoughts on “Spiraling

  1. kat

    everyone needs an Ana. i am looking for mine right now. but i am sorry your’re struggling after feeling you were doing so well.

    1. Pen Post author

      Thank you very much for your thoughts.

      I actually hope your Ana is healthier than mine. Unfortunately mine is a reference to my ED, but I realize with the partial-post screenshot it isn’t obvious. But I definitely agree we all need some inner strength that is *healthy*.

      Stay safe ❤

  2. Mental Mama

    We go up, we come down, we relish the times when we get to hover in the middle. Try not to be too hard on yourself sweetie. This is just one of those unpleasant side effects of being human. Know that we’re here for you when you need us and we won’t judge you, no matter what. ❤

    1. Pen Post author

      Very true. Middle ground would be awesome. Got slightly manic during my whirlwind cleaning of my house today and then sat down and cried after I was done. Cleaning a huge two story house in one day still overwhelms me at times.

      So glad to have you guys. And your thoughts on my FB brownie post really meant a lot. Much thanks ❤

  3. Choirduck

    I am listening. I am not judging. I am wishing I could help. I admire your strength. YOUR strength, not Ana’s is what I admire. I admire your writing ability. I admire that you write at all. We have very different lives, very different experiences, yet I feel a pull and a connection with you that I can’t really explain. It’s not something I’m looking for, just something I feel.
    Sometimes I wish the ones I care so much about weren’t strangers living thousands of miles away. I wish I could get to know you more as a friend, but with our different lives and distance I believe it will only really be a dream. I’m not the sort folks want to make friends with right now. That’s like asking for pain, because I have stage 4 cancer. I can’t be much of a good friend, and it sounds like you need a good friend – the kind of person I was deep down inside all the crazy before the cancer started. If my words here are odd I apologize. I have many reasonable excuses but I won’t bother trying to make them all. Just for the one moment sitting here writing this my heart is sending out a hug for your heart and I hope one day it finds you and you feel it.

    1. Pen Post author

      You are such a beautiful soul and it really is incredible of you to share such deep thoughts. It’s still surprising to have people feel a connection after spending so much of my life trying to be independently strong and determined to “need no one”.

      But I am truly touched. It would be very nice were we able to get to know each other in person and enjoy our shared company.

      I’m very sad to hear about the stage 4 cancer. I can’t even imagine what you are going through. But I have to say the fact that you wrote me such heartfelt thoughts truly shows me how incredibly strong *you* are. And I will take that hug you’re sending. And please, don’t feel like you need to excuse a reason to not connect or talk to me. I’m happy to chat (via email or messages obviously…darn distance limitations!). I think this world can be short and precious for any person at any moment and there can always be opportunities for connections, even deep ones, and time isn’t necessarily the main factor in that possibility.

      Now I hope I’m the one not coming off as odd 🙂

      Lots of gentle thoughts and hugs. ❤

  4. manyofus1980

    I’m sorry things are back to square one. thats tough. I hope things pick up for you really soon. X


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