This week is a bad one.
1.) The wake of Mother’s Day. A holiday I haven’t dealt with well for a couple years now. Add to that my stepfather being extra-dick to my mom while we tried to bond and it was an extra-rotten day.
2.) My best friend is finally visiting the U.S. from all Germany. But she’s on the other side of the country. To be fair, her mom bought the plane ticket (that’s where her mother’s family lives). But it’s rough having her closer and yet still so far. Almost a full five years since I was last able to hug her.
3.) My stepsister announced her pregnancy. Accidental. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But she’s flipping a bit on how to deal. And where to go. It’s shockingly familiar to me. And yet, my father is welcoming her with open arms. That’s a whole fucking different story than when it was me. I do wish her the best, but dealing with my family’s fluffy treatment of her compared to the brick walls I got is extremely difficult.
4.) Still haven’t found a job. Not handling that well.
5.) My brother, Grey’s, constant parties and having friends over while not actually helping me clean/maintain the household is starting to raise my anxiety to unmanageable levels. I’ve basically been holed in my room for 3 days now, slipping out briefly only to let the dog out.
6.) Food and I are not getting along. Grey keeps asking me about grocery shopping (because he doesn’t want to put forth his own money of course…) and I keep telling him later. It’s gotten to the point that he’s bringing himself home food from work since our kitchen is pretty much bare. But I like it bare. It makes the restricting easier. I wish he would recognize the signs and just go shopping himself. Gods know I’m not going to tell him.
7.) I’m supposed to drive across the state on Saturday to visit an old friend I haven’t seen in years (we’re both depressed about Germany not coming to Ohio). I’m both stressed and looking forward to it. Hoping I don’t make an idiot of myself. I also somehow need to get my ass in gear by Friday night because I promised to bring a baked dessert. Fuck.
8.) I would like to sleep until fall please. Thanks.
I’m not trying to list complaints in hopes for some pats on the back or anything. I just need to try and purge it, so to speak. Listing them sometimes helps. Perhaps I can focus on other things now.
I can hope, right?