Country Feels

The change isn’t immediate after we cross the border into Kentucky.  It’s many miles before I notice how the trees brush the skyline for miles around- no tall city buildings to mar it.  There are no power lines or poles.  Katherine explains that most of that stuff is run underground so as not to intrude on the farmland.

We’re on a country road for what seems like forever.  I lose track of time and it takes me a moment to realize when she’s pulled into a long dirt driveway. 
I stare up at the large country house in front of us.  It’s surprisingly nice.  I bite back a nasty pure-Yankee comment. 

It isn’t long before we’re out back.  I start for a steep hill, intending to climb it.  Katherine lets out a low laugh behind me.  I turn.

“I thought we were going hiking?”  I ask.

“Not the Northern, city-Yank way.”  She says teasingly.  I blink as she pulls a tarp off of something the size of a huge dog.

I’ve never seen anything like it before.  It’s not quite a motorcycle, but it isn’t a car either.  It’s rough and badass looking. 

“It’s a four wheeler.”  Katherine says with pride.  I roll my eyes, misunderstanding.

“I can see it has four wheels.”

“No, that’s what it’s called.  Also known as an all-terrain-vehicle.  It’s for climbing the hills.  Faster than walking or taking a bike.  Safer too, with how steep they are.”  She dangles the keys at me before sitting on it and smoothly starting it.  It’s louder than a car, but we only have to talk slightly above normal volume.

“It doesn’t look like its intended for more than one person….” I mutter.  She trills another laugh.

“Technically it’s not.  But come on; I thought you came down here to live a little!  Stop being all safe and boring in your world of offices, desks, and four walls.  Welcome to Kentucky.  We break the rules, get dirty, and go fast.”  Her smile is contagious and I find myself stepping forward easily.

I never thought I could feel like a bird.  She drives so fast that we lift off the ground at times.  Part of me is terrified and starts to tell her to slow down.

But my eyes lift and look around the expanse of forest that sprawls in all directions.  The trees tickle the sky as the wind plays with my hair.  I don’t even regret not pulling it back. 

Katherine pauses at the top of one of the largest hills.  She turns the monster off and we both automatically adjust our breathing so it is practically silent.

There’s a valley below us, full of purple flowers.  I know I should know their name (Mom would be disappointed), but I can’t see to quite reach that mind or knowledge that was my “Yankee self”. 

I’m too busy soaking in and gulping down this new knowledge.  This beautiful experience of nature for which there are no words.  Only sensations.  Feelings.

That teasing tug on my hair the wind does.  I’ve never had anyone play with my hair and it makes me smile that the wind down in this beautiful place knows of my secret desire for it.

The slight scratches on my arms from snagging branches and thorny bushes on our ride.  It’s my fault for wearing a tank top.  Katherine smartly wore long sleeves.

I suck in a breath and it feels so cool, so clean.  Nothing like this air in the city.  I know that.  Nothing like these smells.  The forest is alive with plants, animals.  Life.

I look at Katherine and she meets my gaze.

“Let’s just come live up here.”  I say seriously.  She smiles softly, knowing that she has been perfectly successful in showing me exactly what she loves about being a country girl.

“Forever. Just us.  We won’t tell anyone.” She replies, just as serious. 

I wrap that fantasy up neatly in a box.  I know it’s a lie.  Obviously we can’t just run away and live here.

But is the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me.

I tuck the box carefully away in my mind.  Protected.  Safe.  The lock is complicated so that it can’t just be tossed away.

It is thrown, nicked, burned, and scratched at throughout the next couple years.  There are many things that are not remotely romantic, damaging, hurtful things that Katherine does that has insiders trying everything to get rid of that box.  They want no reminders of the good.  None.

But boxes are my specialty.

It is such a beautiful fantasy.

Such a beautiful place.

Can it really be that harmful?

Clarissa explains

Hi there. I’m Claire, the compulsive writer alter.  It occurred to me that The Beginning/The Abuse is always a curiosity for blogs with DID victims (don’t feel bad, we all have that morbid curiosity. It’s the first thing I look for when I’m surfing other DID-er’s blog….as terrible as that is.)

Some years ago I managed a little excerpt of a story. I present it now.  There are aspects of supernatural creatures because of my interest in fantasy and sci-fi fiction.  But most of it….not fiction.

Make of it what you will.
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Girl was playing in the alley again. The Thing craned forward to see, while still forcing the glamour to protect it from sight. She had on a pale blue human shift-like covering today. It looked pretty. The Thing tilted its head as it watched her waved to someone in the distance.

It was Him.

Boy came into view and the Thing automatically recoiled. Large ribbons of dark energy curled around Him enticingly. The Thing knew that wasn’t good. But it couldn’t do anything for Girl.

Girl nodded as he whispered something in her ear. The Thing skittered a little further into the alley, hoping to catch any dialog it could.

“I’ll be It. You have to run away and hide and not let me catch you. Then you can be It after I catch you.” He explained. Girl blinked owlishly.

“What happens if you catch me?”

Boy just smirked in that charismatically dark way that so enticed Girl and repulsed the Thing. She giggled and prepared to run away. The dark tendrils around the boy danced in excitement. The Thing chewed its lip nervously. Perhaps it should do something.

He leaned against the back of the garage and pillowed his head on his arms, starting to count.

Thing watched this passively for a bit. It continued simply watching as Boy finished counting and immediately went tearing over down the alley. He knew where Girl was. Sadly, she tended to not be creative with her hiding places.

There was a shriek of surprise and Thing heard pounding feet. Girl came tearing up the alley; Boy fast on her tail.

He caught her at the garage. Grabbing her arm roughly, he gently tackled her to the ground, rolling to soften the blow. She laughed again, not even sensing the dark wisps curling in delight and expectation of what was to come. The Thing moved closer. It hesitated, knowing there was a terrible risk if it were to help.

A metal scraping sound as a zipper was undone.

The Thing moved quickly, diving into His body with a sickening squish. It was uncomfortable in here. It kicked out its own energy as quickly as it could.

The dark ribbons grew teeth. And sank their sharp points into Thing.

It was too late.

And Thing grinned in that charismatically dark way that usually enticed Girl.

She shuddered back as the realization hit her like a bolt of lightning. But it was much too late.

Thing reached forward for her and its power was combined with Boy’s. She couldn’t get away now.

Afterwards, the ribbons easily let Thing go. The act was done, their dark want sated. What need did they have for Thing now? And Thing realized the whole act had been just intended for it. To beguile it to merge with the Boy. And it worked.

Boy left immediately, not looking over his shoulder even as the glazed look lingered in his eyes.

Thing watched the curled bundle on the ground that was Girl. She was silent and unmoving. Soon Mother would call for her to come inside. Thing moved forward and reached out to Girl, stroking her softly with dark taloned fingers.

Thing gave her two gifts in an apology for the terrible act that day.

Mask and Box.

Girl blinked as the glamour prevented her from seeing what had happened. She felt it though. She reached out to her second gift and put all the horrible things from moments ago into its hallowed recesses. She snapped the lid shut firmly.

Mother called distantly from the back porch.

Girl glanced up and stared towards her house for a moment. Her face was a terrible mess of broken dreams.

Until the Mask was put on.

All better.