Foresight

**Trigger warning for pill abuse

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Some part of me had the foresight to purchase a whole box of Primatene a week or so ago.  I’m very glad.

I do not technically have asthma. But that’s not really important.

Things are pretty much falling apart right now.  But I can at least pop 3 or 4 Primatene pills and have the magic of ephedrine carry me through my days.

Better than the alternative at the moment.

I am a little sad that I’m slipping back into my problem with pills.  But I really don’t want to do anything worse to myself.  It’s either these pills or darker things.   Things that leave more evidence.  I have to appear normal.

I have to put on my happy face and nothing helps more these yellow bitter pills.

It also does an excellent job of curbing my appetite while keeping my energy high.  Two-fold benefits.  Yay.

I know I can’t do this for too long.  I know.  But I can’t think about that right now.  I just want to coast for a little bit.

Maybe I can coast to somewhere a little better than here.