I know I have been so very quiet lately.
And I wanted very much to delete my last entry. Even speaking of her influence on me has caused such a cataclysmic backlash to my state of mind. And this week has been so very stressful, job-wise, health-wise, friend-wise, mentals-wise.
Today I would just like to know I am heard. I am not alone. I am alive.
Because I am wondering right now. I am feeling like a ghost. A specter, wraith, who merely glides around and attempts to play amongst the living.
If perhaps a couple of you could give me some sort of feeling of warmth, it would mean the world to me.
I don’t like to reach out. To ask for help. To admit fault.
But today I am in need.
And we were doing so fucking well.
They’d even exchanged messages with goddamn Katherine last week- no problem. Talked about mundane nothingness. She didn’t fucking touch us mentally.
Goddamn disaster. Some idiot decided to fucking talk to her about the indecisive bullshit about Army. Shit went sideways in two ways.
First of all, Katherine’s all fucking weird about hearing it. I guess because of the fucking ex factor or some shit. And then telling her shit about what they consider desirable in a relationship just turned shit all to hell because she decided to drop bombs like “Oh, you mean like us?” or “Like I used to do?”.
And so Claire’s doing her schizo act again, talking to an invisible Audrey. Middi and Char are chain smoking (inside the head- the body doesn’t need that shit right now) and Armes is practically fucking catatonic.
This is too fucking far.
Shit needs to change.