giving thanks | pen, paper, and crazy

(I don’t want to keep that last post up at the top any longer)

Today I am thankful.

Despite all my pain and depression and health issues still looming over like a dark cloud, I am thankful.

I am thankful to have a roof over my head.
I am thankful to have the ability to have food in my fridge (sometimes I choose not to restock due to mental-health, but that doesn’t need to be addressed in this post)
I am so very thankful to have Zoe: the best dog in the whole world (to me; I know many of you have the best dogs in the world as well 😉 )
I am thankful to have some of the best friends that exist. I am thankful for their gentle understanding mixed with firm encouragement.
I am so very thankful for Army. I may bitch and moan and skitter back from that whole complicated mess of feelings, but he truly has been nothing but helpful during this circling of the drain. He has been the drain catch that prevents me from fully going down the pipes.

Things are moving forward. And that is what keeps the dark thoughts away. It is stagnation that breeds the negativity and urges.

Some good bits of info on my life moving forward:

Zoe and I have been attending a local obedience class and it’s going fantastically. She isn’t attending because she’s a dog incapable of responding to basic commands (in fact she’s impressed the trainer with her grasp of all the basics: sit, down, wait, come). It’s the socializing and structured environment that is needed. For both of us. Plus, something for us to do together. She and I are seriously working on heel for the next week; her weakest area of obedience. But it’s my fault- I’ve always had her off leash (her recall is excellent) or on a harness that prevents her from pulling physically. I need to get to that mental zone of no pulling. She’s finding it frustrating, but is working hard. She’s such a good girl and I can see how much she wants to please me.
Zoe practicing “sit-wait”
My best friend (Texas) is getting married in July. I’m so happy for her. The man she is marrying is a great guy and has become a good friend to me. It doesn’t hurt that he’s bailed me out of a couple car fiascoes (he’s a mechanic/engineer). They’re just doing something small and private but it’s still a big step. They’re also getting a house together. Which brings me to the next item…
I’m on the road to purchasing my first home. It’s due to a couple items coming together, the big one being some settlement money from a class action lawsuit (that’s been going on since I was a little girl) finally coming through. I’m going to use some of it for a large down payment and finally get that elusive homeowner title. I’m doing mostly research these days to make sure I make well informed decisions and choose the best possible house for me. A large yard for Zoe is definitely on the list of wants! It’s also in the plan that Army (and Sofya) will move in with me and surprisingly I’m eager for that. I suppose that’s how I know I’m ready for this step forward- when Army suggesting living together a year ago I balked. Now I can’t wait to be able to just cuddle every night (or at least every week, depending on his EMT schedule) and not have to worry about if I have enough energy to drive over and see him.
A raise and possible promotion is in the pipeline at work again. Probably not until the fall, but I’m still eager for the next step. I do like the company I work for and would dearly love to stay with them- but I’m getting enough education, experience, and responsibility under my belt that I can’t justify staying with them at my current wage for over a year.

Those are the big items going on. So despite being at a big roadblock in my health, I’m looking past that to all the wonderful things I have coming in the next year. I’m determined now to keep truckin’ and see these things all come to a successful conclusion.

And I cannot thank all of you enough for your kind words on my last post. I know I didn’t reply to the comments and I probably won’t (the post is a hard one for me to read and I want to avoid it for now); but please know that your words were heard and meant a great deal.

Lots of hugs to all!

I had a meeting with my supervisor today when I first came in about my program review process. It was all praise. He wishes for me to complete a manual so we can have it to show the state, which should lead to our grant being approved.

But I also found out….

I did get a raise!

In fact, I technically got in a month ago- it’s just no one informed me. It should be reflected on my next paycheck. I am so very excited and proud. I have worked my tail off at this job and I love it so much.

I was starting to get nervous about my pay rate, as my cost of living was starting to be too much for my paychecks to handle. It was making me extremely nervous and sad to have to consider the possibility of finding employment elsewhere.
Despite my supervisor driving me nuts sometimes (who’s doesn’t, though?), I really do enjoy my job and I feel very fulfilled here.
I help people in their time of need. I get to be an activist against the banks so that someone who has had a rough time gets to stay in their home. It’s a worthwhile career. And such a relief to not have to worry about leaving.

Thank you universe, for making sure I could stay.