Tag Archives: horror movies

DID Media Spotlight: “The Ward”

(Note: If you haven’t seen this movie, I will completely ruin it for you. The main character having DID is supposed to be a twist. Sorry. This will happen with a couple of my reviews. DID is a common “twist” tactic in suspense/thrillers/horror. Still worth watching in my opinion, but this is my warning for you if you do care.)

(Note 2: Trigger warning for some frank clinical discussion of self-harm. Nothing graphic.)


The-Ward

Rating: 3.5 Stars (out of a possible 5)



The plot of The Ward is a bit confusing. At its most basic, the premise is a young woman named Kristen is found in front of a burning farmhouse by police and taken to a psychiatric hospital for treatment, as it appears she lit the farmhouse on fire herself (and possibly injured people?).

I will preface this by saying I am a rather large fan of John Carpenter. And I must give him props for using a common horror trope in a way that didn’t completely offend me like most DID thriller/horror movies. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

As I said before, since I’m dissecting this movie for how it pertains to Dissociative Identity Disorder (or the ol’ title of Multiple Personality Disorder, as it’s referred to in this movie) there will be spoilers ahead. I watched this movie twice so that I could more deeply react to the little “clues” and techniques used knowing that “Kristen” is physically by herself during her stay in the the ward, not accompanied by a couple other young woman, as shown to the audience initially. It’s done decently well. Although I’ll say as a avid fan/student of both the horror genre and someone with DID personally, I recognized what was going on with Kristen pretty early on. The other staff did not interact with the other girls (alters). With the exception of the main therapist/psychiatrist, who does address multiple alters. But only in counseling sessions. And it’s done in such a way that a multiple can tell he’s addressing a multiple.

Now to dissect.


The Good

#1 No psychopathic killers-  STILL a horror movie!
I truly enjoyed this movie for being the only thriller/horror I’ve ever seen to feature a person diagnosed with DID that did not kill or murder others. The violence in the movie is entirely self-harm related. And handled rather cleverly, if more Hollywood-tized that us average multiple systems, obviously.

The strife between alters is more dramatically violent than my personal systems’ experience, but there could be some argument made that Kristen’s system merely manifests the internal strife and memory/abuse issues differently. The main conflict is that the original personality (Alice) is upset by the alters and doesn’t want them around. The alters, in their fear of being destroyed, have tried repressing (“killed”) the original personality so that they could continue their existence. Though an extreme reaction, I find it realistic in the movie because the therapist was encouraging Alice to “get rid” of the alters. Almost like an “integration” as opposed to co-conscious to function in day-to-day activities.

But Alice wasn’t truly destroyed and she starts trying to fight back against the alters; they start disappearing. Again, extreme for a normal system, but it is a movie. And a horror movie. Still more legit in my opinion than someone like Norman Bates and his alter killing young women regularly.

#2 The alters/personalities
I must say I really enjoy the actual characters themselves. I think they did a good job trying to address a lot of the common archetypes systems tend to develop. I do have one major nitpick, but I’ll get to that in the next section. Mainly though, I could find parts of my own system in the archetypes they had. Unlike United States of Tara, where the personalities are sort of more just these “fun quirky characters” like “housewife” and “redneck” that sometimes serve the more standard coping mechanism of a system (like Buck acting as a protector alter at times), the alters in Alice’s system seem to serve a more standard DID system function. 
Screen Shot 2015-05-20 at 9.58.06 PM
#3 Self-harm actually addressed
A sensitive topic, of course, but one that is rarely actually referenced in the media’s interpretation of DID. But in “The Ward” it’s addressed not in one, but two ways! There’s the more standard self-harming alter (Emily) who has self-harm scars on her arm. The sassy Sarah ribs Emily about them derisively, reminding me of my own Rika’s scoffing at the self-harming alters in my system.

But there’s also moments where Alice or Kristen is seemingly attacking/harming another alter, but when the “twist” of DID is revealed to the audience, we can see that they’re truly just harming themselves. Sort of like “Fight Club”. It appears to Kristen that she’s in a brawl with Alice when what the hospital staff is seeing is her throwing herself at the ground and window, cutting and hurting herself. A bit dramatic, yes, but I know I’ve had minor versions of such issues myself.

Before the twist is revealed, this is what the audience sees. After, it's shown that Kristen was holding the knife to her own throat.

Before the twist is revealed, this is what the audience sees. After, it’s shown that Kristen was holding the knife to her own throat.


The Bad

#1 All beautiful young perfect white women
Okay. I get that a lot of systems’ alters tend to reflect the body’s physical attributes, to a degree. But I know I have some with dramatic weight/coloration/height differences, some with dramatically different ages, and a couple with different gender attributes. I was disappointed that “The Ward” had all of Alice’s alters as young, beautiful slim white women. Even the little-alter, Zoey, is obviously no younger than 16 (and that’s pushing it), her “little” status more addressed by the addition of childish pigtails and a stuffed animal she babies constantly. The only real difference was hair color. Different hair colors does not diversity make.

Ignore that she's obviously the same age as Kristen (the blond), Zoey is sucking her thumb and clutching a stuff bunny! She's obviously a little!

Ignore that she’s obviously the same age as Kristen (the blond), Zoey is sucking her thumb and clutching a stuff bunny! She’s obviously a little!

#2 Therapy is maaaybe evil
This one I’m a little more torn on. Mostly because personally, I’m hugely against the whole idea of destroying parts of a system for integration or a similar prognosis. But I do give this movie’s therapist some credit for dissuading the nurse from dosing Alice for no reason at times, and for listening to each alter as much as possible. If his goal had been co-conciousness and trying to have the alters respect each other rather than “beat” each other until the strongest is left standing, then I would respect it much more.
Also they use freakin’ electroshock-therapy at one point. Granted, the movie takes place in the 1960s, but still. Not cool.

#3 DID is still technically the villain
Okay. I did say I respect this movie more than the average DID horror because the protagonist, despite having DID, is not a murderer/killer. She was abused as a child and splintered and now is still having trouble coping. However, by the end of the movie, DID is still clearly a villain. The goal is to “cure” Alice of it. She obviously couldn’t possibly function in society without it. The violence of the movie is caused by the alters’ fear of being destroyed by Alice, which is encouraged by their therapist. This movie definitely doesn’t have DID coming out smelling remotely rose-like.
United States of Tara still does a better job of trying to de-villify it more than the average media attempt. Which is disappointing, because if “The Ward” had ended with the alters finding common ground and deciding to unite against the stress/introject of the abuse instead of the origin personality of Alice, I would have given this a full 5 stars for merely doing something a movie never has. Vilifying DID.

But we are still the villain.

And that is sad to see.

Is busy good…or bad?

I have been sooooo busy.  And it isn’t over.

I did see Birdemic yesterday- it was FANTASTIC.  I will write about it more specifically in a future post when things have slowed down.

This is my week-

Monday: Try to recover from being sick on Sunday. My only easy day.

Tuesday: Went to get quotes on Texas and my tattoo’s.  I like the artist we picked and he’s charging really reasonably.  I’m very excited.  My insomnia also attacked this night.

Wednesday:  Went to get Halloween decorations and prizes with a coworker for the office party.

Thursday: Got an emergency call from Texas on my way to work.  Her grandmother is going into hospice (she has cancer) and Texas is distraught.  She is hyperventilating on the phone.  Her grandmother raised her pretty much (her parents are drug addicted shit-heads).  I quickly find out where she is, call work with an excuse, and jet over there.  I spend the day with her.  It’s mostly us dorking around, as she’s like me and would rather just have company and avoid the topic- not “therapy about it”.  It was still emotionally exhausting for me though.
Birdeeeemic in the evening though! That was great!  Again, will blog further in a couple days.

Friday: I have the Horrorama charity horror movie-thon thing tonight.  I’ll try to get a picture to upload of me dressed up for ya’ll.

Saturday: A couple parties I’m supposed to go to.  Probably will only pick one and disappoint people because I will be suuuuper tired from Horrorama and I need sleepage (Horrorama goes until 5am).

Sunday:  RECOOOOOOP…hopefully.

Next week: More crazy Halloween stuff….and my new tattoo!

_________________________________

Being busy has been good for having me distracted.
But…it also has me losing smidgens of time here and there.  I think some of the alters are feeling overwhelmed and trying to snatch moments of peace or something.
I assume this because, despite losing time, I don’t come back to myself with any damage or crazy shenanigans having been committed (at least that I know of).
I sort of wonder if this is possibly us starting to make things work better. It was like that briefly a couple years ago and it was nice then.  I just worry about that next thing to “set us off”.

Right- being positive.  Moving on.

But I still wonder about this amount of activity being good or bad in the long run.  I wonder what will happen come next week when we hit that metaphorical-wall.

Trying not to dwell though.

There are…whispers already though.  Of me not being good enough.  Not being able to handle this.  Of all the failings I’ve personally caused in the past.  The normal names of slut, whore, man-eater hissed in my ear.  I’m sure it’s Daria.

She’s always had it out for me. She did seem to come to some sort of truce with Kit (at least temporarily), but she obviously doesn’t agree with the rest of the systems allowance of me “playing host” for a bit.

I know most of the names and whispers are true.  That’s what hurts the most.  But I’m trying to be positive.  Turn over that new leaf.  I’m not that woman anymore.

Maybe I need a new name…

“The Return” (A Blogtoberfest review!)

Recently I’ve joined the many people who have become instantly addicted to Becca over at Lady or Not…Here I Come.  She gets such major kudos for always making me smile (especially her stuff about the Ugly Cry- I thought that was a closely guarded secret in my circle of girlfriends!).

It helps that she reminds me of my best friend, Germany, so so much (trivia alert– technically they share the same name…but shhhh, I don’t use real names on here).  They’re both such positive and snarky fabulous women.

But that’s getting off the subject at hand….

BLOGTOBERFEST!!!!

I decided to participate in her lovely Blogtoberfest event- a Halloween themed month, perfect for me.  Also perfect for me- a movie review!
_______________________________________________

Last night I popped in “The Return” starring Sarah Michelle Gellar.

This is a newer movie than I normally watch for Halloween, but since it’s lesser known, I thought maybe it could be worth it.  Also, I read it has to do with some mental-health stuff, and I tend to like those.

It’s about a traveling saleswoman name Joanna who keeps having these weird violent dreams about something terrible happening in a small Texas town.  While in Texas for business, she decides to check out the small town of La Salle to see why the heck she keeps dreaming about it.

_______________________________________________

Yeah- it’s pretty crap.  Not even much of a B-rated enjoyment.

This is mostly because it’s just downright confusing.  I couldn’t tell when things were actually happening or Sarah Michelle Gellar was simply having “just another psycho daydream” (that usually ended with her cutting- apparently this is the “mental-health stuff”).

The scene cuts were very disjointed and there weren’t good cues (music, ambiance, etc.) to let you know that what you were viewing wasn’t “really happening”.

It also really weirded me out to see Ben from the T.V. show, Parks & Rec (Adam Scott) play a skeevey assaulting a-hole.  He did it pretty well though, despite his part being brief.

I think the end was supposed to be a twist? Maybe? I more saw it as a “Oh thank god they’ve stopped having confusing scene cuts and just freakin’ SHOWED what the hell was going on”.

It was a good laugh though.  And I did really like the idea behind what was happening to Sarah Michelle Gellar.  I just wish they’d explained it better.

I won’t ruin “the twist” in case someone out there does want to check it out.  I would say it’s okay to watch with a couple friends for fun if you’ve acquired a copy cheaply.

Maybe do a shot every time the scene turns out to all be in Sarah Michelle Gellar’s head.

You will need a lot. Like a pyramid.

Massage

(I’ve having a couple seemingly non-connected thoughts, but they will make sense at the end.  I hope Bourbon doesn’t mind if I snag her wonderfully understandable “heading” type flow.  We give credit where it’s due!)


Normally we don’t like being touched.

We have intimacy issues (big surprise there). Yes, Charlotte manages to have “relations”, but I can’t even describe the sort of things she requires of her partner in order to turn her fully on. It’s disgusting.  I’m flat-out disturbed the body requires such things in order to react to another partner.  She’s handled 90% of every sexual encounter of the body’s life (post abuse, that is).  The rest of us just…don’t like being touched.

It’s why, despite Claire’s attraction to Jeff, we’re all getting edgy with his advances.  I’m sure it’s the sort of physical things that are the norm for normal people.  Cuddling, kissing, head/hair stroking.  It just eeks us all.  Even Claire, though she tries hard not to get triggered.  It happens regardless a lot of the time.


We get crippling migraines

We’ve gotten them since we became more aware of being multiple and started the whole “switching frenzy” thing that led to a lot more blackouts and a period of just being complete dumbasses.  They’re bad- they involve crippling head, neck, and back pain, uncontrollable (and constant) vomiting (sorry Bourbon…), and swelling of our face (mostly around the eye area).

We were at a loss for treatment for a long time.  Most pills don’t work. The ones that do are hardcore narcotics and not something we can take and still function throughout the day.

Then Daddy insisted we try his massage therapist.  He got us a gift treatment. We balked.  We hate being touched, especially by strangers.  And this was a gift from Daddy.

But we were also told by our GP (an angel) that it would be an excellent idea, as she’d noticed that our migraines seem to have a lot tied to stress (HA!) and when we’d seen her during an actual migraine, our whole neck and back were wound tighter than a top.  She thought regular massage would be a perfect solution.  And it didn’t involve medications with terrible side effects.

However…it did involve touching.  Our GP is aware of that phobia.  She’s our Gyno too- we’d never had that kind of exam before and at the first (and last) one, the rest of the doctor’s office was aware they had someone with mental issues.  They’d never had a patient start screaming, crying, then black out when given that kind of exam.

She insisted we go.


Kit, Charlotte, Rika, and myself all love horror movies

The rest don’t, but since it’s a genre that has the most “supporters” in our system (and the host being one of them has a lot of pull), we watch a lot of horror movies.

We go to horror related events.  We used to assist a local Horror Host, Dr. Creep, with a charity Halloween Horror-moviethon every year.  And one year we were asked to help run a booth for Dr. Creep at nearby convention called Horror Hound.

We fell in love.

We go every year now.  This past year, it was in March.  We mentioned it to everyone we knew.

Including our new massage therapist.  Flippantly, of course.  Some of that nervous talking in the waiting area before she politely asks us to remove all our clothing except panties.  She suddenly grins and Roms detects sincere interest with her “reading ability”.

“I love all things horror!” She says.  Kit grins.  “I’m planning on going to Horror Hound myself! Did you hear Norman Reedus from “Walking Dead” is supposed to be there???”

Suddenly, she isn’t a stranger.
She’s married and has a daughter.  She talks about her daughter’s addiction to pickles with a grin. Anyone who is a sincere mother makes our system melt.

Sincere mothers are our weakness. We love our mother so very much.  It broke her heart to find out what happened back in that dirty alley behind our tiny two bedroom house.  She beat herself up for refusing Daddy’s handouts after divorcing him and trying to be a “strong independent woman”.  She tried to save us from one kind of abuse only to deliver us into the hands of a more insidious kind.

Ack. Tangent. Back to the massage therapist (MT).


The First Massage

We like her. But that doesn’t mean she can touch us.

She politely leads us to the private room, shows us the table and the function of every single thing in the room (the oil bottles, the heater, the stereo playing soft music).  She then calmly explains about removing everything except our panties. Shows us the thick blanket that will cover us the whole time.  She promises to only start out touching our head, neck, and upper back.  That is it. Unless we’re comfortable to allow lower back and legs.

We take a leap of faith that we haven’t done in a long time.

We crawl under the thick blanket in our panties, our chest down and back up, firmly cocooned in the blanket.  MT knocks on the door and does not open it, even a crack, until she gets verbal permission from us.

She is made for people like us.

She explains and asks before she does anything.  She starts by softly working on our scalp and hair.  We are floored by a momentary appearance of Armes, who loves her hair being played with but is terrified of people.  Except she loves Mommy-types.  She croons happily and MT remains quiet, doesn’t comment.

MT is smart.

The first massage passes with a bit of switching, but not in the scared/upset disassociating way.  It is the first time that has happened in a very long time.  We all get to share in her gentle, soothing touch.

It is healing.

For the first time since high school, we go a week without any migraines.


Financial and Medical Problems

We start trying to make regular appointments.  She gives us a discount when we’re able to produce a prescription from our understanding GP saying the massages are beneficial for a medical condition.

Then the bottom falls out.

We are hospitalized for hypertension crisis twice within a single month.  Our finances disappear as doctors struggle to find a cause.
We are no where near obese.  High blood pressure does not run in either side of our family.  We tend to eat rather healthy-ish (when we do eat).
Must be stress.

They throw pills at us.  The pills are insanely expensive. None seem to work, except to give us awful side effects.  But the specialists will not let us stop taking them, saying the pills “need time”.
The blackouts start, the depression, the self-harm.  It’s a string of events we’re familiar with.

We can’t see our MT.  We don’t have the money and we don’t even have the energy or drive to get ourselves there.  MT expresses concern.

Then Daddy does a surprising thing.  He is being surprising in general, having actually visited us the hospital (without criticism).  Daddy doesn’t believe in “psychology bullshit” but he does believe in our migraines and high blood pressure.  And he reads articles about massage helping those things.  He knows we spend all our money on medical bills and prescriptions to try and keep us from being hospitalized again.

He gifts us a string of treatments.

We know they are gifts of apologies that he doesn’t have the vocabulary to say.  After he does anything a parent shouldn’t do and he realizes it, he showers us with gifts.  We’ve gotten laptops, a car, cash, vacations, etc…

In this case, we suspect his gift has to do with his suspicion the sudden inexplicable high blood pressure is caused by the stress of our recent miscarriage.  And the bastard was relieved that the miscarriage happened.

Tomorrow

We have a massage tomorrow afternoon.  It is much needed after this crazy week.

Though we do not have an actual therapist, or any sort of mental treatment, we are always grateful for people like our GP and MT for keeping us from that suicidal edge.

-Midori

Gin and Sex

(Roms says I have to put a slight trigger warning since I tend to talk a lot about sex….so…slight trigger warning)

I really don’t like admitting any sort of fault or wrong-doing but….even I have to admit I think I botched something last night.

Due to my “behaving” lately , and the fact that Kit isn’t even hanging around, I was allowed to have a bit of “out” time.
Army invited his best friend over to watch movies and started mixing drinks, as he likes to do for people. I obviously asked for something with gin. Gin is my man.

I got pretty nicely sloshed, as I prefer to be when I have strict “no sex” orders. Doesn’t stop me from flirting of course. And this is the part where I botched things I think.

Ahem. There is some back story I have to state quickly. Bear with me. Army’s best friend? He’s actually a guy we’ve known for a long long time. We went to school with him when we were younger.  He is the male we’ve confided in the most.  We actually almost ended up dating him before we starting fooling around with Army.  And by “fooling around”, I of course mean me fucking him at every opportunity.

Which was mostly my decision to begin with. I don’t like us being with anyone who can understand our mental state. Army has Asperger’s and is just…a complete dick and doesn’t care about our emotional or mental state. Which is entirely safe and fine by me. And Rika thankfully. Decisions are always easier for us when you’ve got the protector backing you up.

Army’s great in the sack too, which just rocks my world.

But I digress. I should probably come up with some sort of alias/name for Army’s best friend. Let’s go with…Jeff.
So Jeff is a fantastic guy. Much more attractive than Army, honestly. But there are a couple bad bad things about him that have caused us to withdraw and not be close friends over the past couple years:

1. He understands us way too easily. It’s effin’ creepy.

2. We’ve been friends for so long…I don’t want to say he’s “friend zoned” because I don’t believe in that shit. But there is a certain amount of tentative-ness we have just because he’s so valued. Something to do with that some friends are gold, some friends are silver bullshit.

3. Dude’s a virgin. We found this out one particular night when I tried to make the moves on him. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate virgins. I’ve de-virgintinized my share of people. But he’s the type of virgin where you know he’s just going to read so much into that “first time” and it’s going to be “magical” and shit. Ugh. Don’t need that.

4. I started fucking his best friend. About a month after I found out Jeff was a virgin and stopped putting the moves on him. I know, I’m a bitch. It’s okay, I’m highly aware.

But actually, Jeff was surprisingly cool about the whole thing. I think it’s because he has the creepy understanding of us and got that we were just with Army because he was so emotionally safe. Not to say Jeff didn’t withdraw a bit, he’s only human.

Which brings me to last night. Hm, that was a longer tangent that I thought. Sorry about that.

Anyway, Army’s being his normal distant self. Except when Jeff’s in the bathroom. Then Army decides to paw and grope me to his heart’s content. Whatever.

Point is, Army went to bed before us because he had a long work shift in the morning. Jeff decided to put on a stupid campy horror movie because we were both drunk and it seemed like an excellent idea.

I then proceeded to cuddle and nibble at him.  Hey, the rules only said no sex.  And Jeff seemed to enjoy it, but he was really drunk, so I suppose I don’t really know.

Then I went to bed a little after the movie was over.  Because Jeff was staying over, Army insisted on sleeping in my bed so Jeff could have his.  I went into my bedroom and Army immediately tells me to shut the door. I do and we proceed to have some rough (albeit, quiet) sex.

And I keep thinking about Jeff.

And I sort of wonder why Army was so “raring to go” as well.

It’s sort of freaky.

Anyway, this morning when I take Jeff home (he doesn’t drive), everything is normal, chatty, and not really awkward. I imagine an air-pump with my arm, as I’ve really gotten away with my shenanigans!

Then effin’ Roms decides to text him after dropping him off like a STUPID COWARDLY CONSCIENCE WE DON’T NEED, and apologize for “any inappropriate behavior” from last night.

And the part that hurts the most….it isn’t Roms sending that text.

It’s that he hasn’t replied.

I think I’m growing effin’ morals.

I hate them.

-Charlotte