Overload

I knew work was heading this way.  I knew a possible breakdown was just on the horizon.  Currently I’m at my desk in the office with a hot chocolate (plus a shot of cappuccino) and an ice pack on the back of my neck.

Seems dumb, I know.  Only thing I can think of to try and ground me and keep me from having a breakdown.  Sensation helps keep my mind from going mental, so I thought the combination of hot and cold might keep me together for at least the next two hours (the extra caffeine can’t hurt).

I’m being hit in two different ways.

First of all; files being thrown at me and threats being dangled about audits and probationary period (not me, my contract- but basically the same thing).  I absolutely have to get shit done and done fast if I don’t want to be jobless in less than a month.

But then my supervisor pulls me into a one-on-one meeting this morning to go over an elaborate plan to elevate me and give me more responsibility and all the new things that will be expected of me.  The good part is more hours and a raise, but I don’t know.  I just don’t know.

My mother has asked if I’ll come back and work for her as a paralegal for her firm.  She’s said she’s pretty sure she can promise me full-time hours.  It’s so very tempting…

But I do love so much about this job.

Just not right now.  And not today.

This moment, I just want to go into a corner (or the bathroom), curl up, and cry.

I’m not sure how much longer I can handle this without letting my coworkers see me cracking.  I can’t let that happen.  I have to remain sane in the eyes of others.

Figure it out your damn self

Can I just pretend I don’t have any legal expertise?  A 8+ paralegal experience and plans of going for a proper law degree.
Can I pretend I am not planning on going to law school? (eventually. hopefully. maybe. if money and mental-health allow.)

I wish it was legal to get a bar license under a pseudonym so no one except really close friends knew I was practicing. 

And I really wish I wasn’t a paralegal today.

One of my friends who I don’t see often asked me for some “unofficial legal advice” late yesterday/this morning.  Without going into too much detail, let’s just say it was regarding a small claims matter and trying to get money out of an ex.

I really didn’t want to touch it with a 50 foot pole.

But she’s a friend I’ve known a loooooong time (longer than Germany, actually), and even though our friendship has had many ups and downs, I am a sucker for that ol’ nostalgia.  Ever the Taurus.

So I tried.  I gave her the disappointing news that she didn’t have much of a case as she wasn’t technically legally involved in the matter (technically it’s a matter regarding Texas, but Texas isn’t super interested in pursuing it).  Said friend got pissed.  Obviously not what she wanted to hear.

I gave the best disclaimer I could.  I told her my expertise is mostly criminal and property law and I know very little about small claim civil matters.  And that I am not an attorney.

She send me a nasty text this morning saying a “real attorney” told her she has a “really good case” on her hands.

Okay.

Fine.

Next time, how about you don’t come to me for a free legal opinion.  Just figure it out your damn self.  I don’t need this resentment.  I don’t need the drama.  And I certainly don’t need the stress.

I hate being the only legal-type person in my group of friends.  I’m constantly the one called or texted at weird hours and told “Omg, I have to know what to do about this matter right now“.  Like I’m on a freakin’ retainer for them.

So I’m done.  I shall be playing dumb any time anyone asks my advice.
I have no idea how to go about handling that situation. 
Why don’t you consult a real attorney? 
Yeah, you do have to drop at least 300 bucks. 
Funny how free legal advice is scarce, huh?

I don’t need this.

A Message For those random search terms

Good afternoon to you, Random Searcher of blog terms.

Yes.  Landlords do suck. 

I’m not sure when I ever addressed that though, so I apologize that you stumbled across my blog.  It is most obviously not a main subject of discussion in this space of the internet. 

I do acknowledge your pain though.  Having lived as a renter since I was kicked out of my father’s house on my high graduation day, I certainly do understand.

Most recently, at my new apartment, my landlord does not even return my phone calls and has yet to give me a copy of my signed lease.  I would be more annoyed, but I guess I don’t really have that much going wrong that I need to speak to her about and later I can use it as blackmail when she claims I’m doing something that pisses her off. 
Being a paralegal, I can talk legal circles around many subjects, but especially property management (as that is my area of expertise after criminal law).

I do wish you luck on finding a landlord that does not suck, but so far the only time that happened for me was when I briefly rented my mother’s second property. 
But that may have been because she birthed me from her loins and that gave her just a twinge of sympathy.  However, I will admit that our relationship improved drastically when she was no longer my landlord.

So apparently all landlords suck.

Would you like a cookie instead?

P.S.  In filling in the tags of this post, I noticed that “landlords suck” did actually already exist.  I seem to have forgotten I wrote something regarding that before.  Good on you, Random Searcher for finding something that was actually semi-relevant.  As opposed to my many many many many many other unrelated and mostly extremely gross and creepy search terms.

Serefina’s Shit-Fit

Okay. I am usually a very calm and collected person. But I need to vent a bit.

I’ve been a paralegal (at least part-time) for 6 years. I was a Purchasing and A/R agent for 4 and a half years.  I practically ran a whole office that grossed $100 thousand a year during that time.

I’ve easily adjusted to this Housing Assistance job we got back in March that requires extensive knowledge of legal foreclosure proceedings as well as intimate knowledge of multiple financial grant programs.  I increased productivity within days, and reduced almost all file errors within weeks.

Within a mere two months I became the top expert at our entirely company on the entire Ohio Restoring Stability (RSS) program.

Yet I still make less than $800 a month.  Not because of the pay rate, which actually isn’t that bad, but because I can’t even go over 20 hours a week.  Yet I have stacks of files waiting for me every day and get chewed out constantly about “pushing productivity further”. I’m only one person with extremely limited time and I can only work with what I’m given.

Not to mention I also occasionally assist three different counselors because they won’t hire true assistants for each one, despite the workload demanding it (and more).  We lost our RSS counselor three months ago and I’ve been doing her job, her responsibility- without her pay, benefits, or recognition.

This is because I can’t be a full RSS counselor, as Ohio’s stipulations on being an accredited financial counselor requires at least 6 months of experience shadowing of another counselor or Bachelor’s degree in finance/accounting.  They aren’t counting my first month or two (claiming it was all administrative), so I’m a couple months away from even “qualifying”.

And now they want me to train the new counselor in RSS.  My supervisor claims it’s a “temporary” thing and that I’ll be elevated to counselor status as soon as I’m certified, and they’ll switch this new counselor to some other program or function.

So I’m supposed to still stay at less than $800 a month, but train someone to know the RSS program as intimately as me??? That is just…just-
I know life isn’t fair. Of course I know, I mean, I’m a flippin’ alter in the broken mind of an abuse victim.
I’m also competent as hell.  I’ve single-handedly kept this system afloat at times. I am goddamn amazing and I know it.

I don’t deserve to be forced into training my own boss.