I knew work was heading this way. I knew a possible breakdown was just on the horizon. Currently I’m at my desk in the office with a hot chocolate (plus a shot of cappuccino) and an ice pack on the back of my neck.
Seems dumb, I know. Only thing I can think of to try and ground me and keep me from having a breakdown. Sensation helps keep my mind from going mental, so I thought the combination of hot and cold might keep me together for at least the next two hours (the extra caffeine can’t hurt).
I’m being hit in two different ways.
First of all; files being thrown at me and threats being dangled about audits and probationary period (not me, my contract- but basically the same thing). I absolutely have to get shit done and done fast if I don’t want to be jobless in less than a month.
But then my supervisor pulls me into a one-on-one meeting this morning to go over an elaborate plan to elevate me and give me more responsibility and all the new things that will be expected of me. The good part is more hours and a raise, but I don’t know. I just don’t know.
My mother has asked if I’ll come back and work for her as a paralegal for her firm. She’s said she’s pretty sure she can promise me full-time hours. It’s so very tempting…
But I do love so much about this job.
Just not right now. And not today.
This moment, I just want to go into a corner (or the bathroom), curl up, and cry.
I’m not sure how much longer I can handle this without letting my coworkers see me cracking. I can’t let that happen. I have to remain sane in the eyes of others.