Pete is dead

This is not Pete, but it looks almost exactly like him.

Pete is dead.  I am heartbroken, petrified, and mental over this whole thing.

I should probably clarify though- Pete is my car. 

He has been my car for many years.  He was a good car.  A Honda Accord, comfortable, reliable.  Older, but Honda’s are angels for years and years.  And Pete had been babied since and before I received him from my father.

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Sunday morning as I was simply driving down the street in front of my apartment, the front tire suddenly snapped off.

Yes.

Snapped off.

According to the mechanic, it has so many things broken that it’s going to take over $1,000 to fix it.  Which is so close to what the car is technically worth that I can’t justify it.  Plus, the mechanic admitted it wouldn’t be super reliable after this bad of a fix.

So I have to get a new car.

I’m not really financially ready for that, so I’m stressing.  I’m freaking.  I’m trying not to let my mind go to dark places.

But it’s really hard.

This month has been so difficult.

I just wonder if there will be a time soon that the universe will be done shitting on me.

This is why I don’t deserve to be a normal girl who is healthy and happy.

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**Note** I’m sorry I haven’t responded much to your comments on my last post.  They were appreciated, but I really couldn’t respond too much without lashing out or getting even more self-loathing, so I didn’t think it was a good idea.  The comments are still much appreciated, despite being a bit triggery.  This month sucks.

Accident

I almost died today.

We’re having 60 MPH wind and sleet here in the Midwest and my poor car, Pete, does not handle that combo well.

I was going around the curve of a highway on-ramp when my car suddenly got caught in a nasty tailspin. I rotated 360 degrees three times before careening into a ditch. Facing traffic (so the wrong direction).

Through some divine intervention of the universe, I’ve managed to avoid the numerous poles that line either side of the road. But I can’t get my car out of the ditch.

Then a couple of good Samaritans pull over in a large boxy white truck. I am on edge at first when I see they’re grungy white trash looking men. But they sweetly ask if I’m all right and offer to help push me out of the ditch.

Their efforts are successful.

I’m still out out of it and very nervous about driving again (I already asked for assistance to get to work tomorrow).

But I am thankful for kind hearted people who stop and helped a terrified girl get her bearings again.