Zoe did something super scary this morning.
She woke me up by pressing herself forcefully against me (she is an affectionate dog, but not to this extreme and especially not during the summer) and the skin on her back and sides was trembling violently like she was shivering (the room was at least 60 degrees).
My initial concern was a seizure. I know a couple dogs who’ve had them. But she was responsive to me, let me move her and manipulate her while following my hands or mouth. She did not whimper, pant, or drool. Her legs did not stiffen or twitch.
When I tried to get up, she flung herself into my lap and continued to tremble. Her eyes stared up into my face and her nose tried to touch the nearest bit of me she could. I thought then that perhaps she was just scared (a bad dream?) and picked her up as I stood. I carried her to the couch and sat with her, saying soothing words and petting her lightly.
As soon as I was within a couple feet of the door, she started squirming and I put her down so I wouldn’t harm her. She ran to the front door and pressed herself against it, staring up at me.
Ok. She wants to go outside. I’m not an idiot. I took her outside where she halfheartedly sniffed and wandered around, sniffed, peed, had a small poo (normal-looking) and then let me take her inside.
She then proceeded to climb up next to me on the couch and do the same thing from the morning. Pressing herself against me almost painfully with her back and sides trembling.
I called the vet. They were not very helpful. They said it could be a toxin she ingested (though I informed them she hasn’t vomited or had diarrhea, or trouble eating and drinking), seizures (though they admitted they agreed it was unlikely with her responsiveness to me), or just “a behavior possibility” (i.e. she just freaked herself out).
My dog is not a timid thing. She comforts me during thunder storms, she asserts herself with all strangers (dog and people alike), she boldly goes in the car and into new buildings she’s never been in.
When I pressed the vet further, they stated they would have to have her come in for an appointment. However, until July 15th, I absolutely CANNOT miss any work (not to mention I don’t have any leave time left after my most recent hospitalization). They don’t have any openings before or after I get off.
Tomorrow is July 4th, a national holiday. They are closed. They say if she gets worse, I will have to take her to an emergency vet.
I desperately wanted to stay home with her. I desperately wish my mother wasn’t out of town so she could watch her.
Neither of those two things are an option.
So here I am, physically at work, while my mind is frantically trying to reach back and be with my guardian angel of a dog.
It breaks my heart that she is always with me with I feel unwell, but I cannot be with her.
My system is fractured too. I have yelling, crying, screaming, sobbing, begging, on and on and on in my head. It’s all I can do to try and maintain some semblance of normalcy here at work.
I am hoping our office closes early for the holiday.