I’m feeling really awful today.
First of all, I’ve been feeling really fat and ugly lately. I suppose it’s the season and the whole Winter Blues thing. It’s been leading to a bit of craziness. I haven’t been eating much, though I’m trying not to let it get to dangerous levels. That’s been hard. I’ve also been a bit harsh with the beauty regime; using toner and cleanser and an expensive overnight cream.
Then Mom asked me to house-sit and watch my youngest brother for the next couple days. Tonight while he and I were watching a movie, he told me some nasty and hateful things his dad (my stepfather) said to him about me. My brother is thirteen years old. And I’ve always been polite and helpful to him. I don’t think I deserve such underhanded and rude trash talking.
But maybe I do….
I’m trying really hard not to self-harm. I’ve been so good the past couple weeks.
But tonight is hard.
I don’t think I’m strong enough.