I don’t deserve happiness. I don’t deserve healthiness. I don’t deserve love.
None of the glittering candy-spun things in the world are meant for a worthless girl.
I shatter the pieces of my already fractured life further. What’s the point? The fates, the angels, the gods, the demons, they all whisper the same thing.
I feel crazy. The shadows curl around me like a mantle and I wear it with my smiling lacquered mask of acceptance.
Worthless Shadow Girls should not be receiving support or love.
I pushpushpush Army away. I know the perfect insults, the chinks in the armor.
I always know.
He refuses to hear me. He says he won’t listen until I’m sober.
I know what he really means.
My skin is too tight.
I glance at the two small boxes on my nightstand. Their innards wink at me in shining steel.
What a worthless way to start the new year.
But that self sabotage tastes so sweet.