To get more of a narrative/emotional idea of me and my body’s past, check out the scribbles.
A young woman in her late-twenties who has been through various kinds of abuse and stressful upbringing.
The child abuse was partly sexual (see this entry), but not incestuous or ritualistic. She also dealt with extreme emotional and psychological dismissal by her father (outlined here and here).
She’s been in and out of hospitals (for physical and mental-health reasons) and spent a stint in a psych ward that was severely damaging (written about here).
Due to her mostly high-functioning ability, most doctors were hesitant at first to diagnosis her with anything further than Borderline Personality Disorder or manic depressive disorder. Her highly logical and legal-background mind lends itself to hiding many things from mainstream society.
The official dxs (diagnoses) thus far are:
-autoimmune disorder (including dermatomyositis)
Pen is the collective name I use for my whole system. I used to talk about all my alters and list them individually on this page, but I want to seem more cohesive.
I’ve been mostly co-conscious lately and I though I still split into just one facet of the DID part of me, I try to focus on the co-conscious side for my own health.
I am still struggling with my eating disorder a lot (sometimes personified by the alter Victoria). I haven’t gotten rid of the description of my alters- you can see it in the drop-down list right under the “About Me” heading. I’m just not at a time in my life where it is healing to identify with collective pronouns anymore. I’m sure it’ll slip out still occasionally. I’m not “integrated” (I hate that word) by any means.
I’m still just trying to figure out who I am and not completely destroy this body I’ve been given in the process.