Tag Archives: Kit

Idiosyncrasies

(We were inspired by Carol Anne’s post this evening having to do with “being recognized”.  Things are a bit hectic tonight and some sorting out would be helpful.  Our system always likes talking about being separate, even if we are trying this uniting/getting along thing.  It settles us.)
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There are little behaviors, movements, actions, words, etc. that usually identify a particular person.

With someone who has a system or is a multiple, the alters each tend to have ones to call all their own.

We’re all feeling a bit restless and needed a sort of “freewrite”, so to speak.

I thought listing some well-known idiosyncrasies we use to figure out who has control of the body would be a good way to settle down.

Kit had a similar list handwritten in a safe location when we were at our worse switching and losing time and had to try and attempt to figure out some order.
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Armes
-hums, especially Disney or Glee songs
-colors
-bites her nails
-tends to only whisper
-likes to eat food “in bits”, picking off pieces slowly and taking tiny bites (especially with cookies and pastries)

 

Charlotte
-flips her hair, especially when flirting
-expressive use of her eyes, especially with flirting
-always crosses her legs
-flicks her Zippo lighter case compulsively
-smokes like a true addict- savors the cigarette

 

Claire
-twirls pens and pencils
-tucks her hair behind her ear compulsively, especially when nervous
-won’t make eye contact with a male
-chews on pens and pencils’ ends while writing

 

Daria
-rocks back and forth, especially when nervous
-mutters under her breath and never speaks above a whisper or hiss
-leaves out self-harm implements (most of the self-harmers clean up after themselves)
-repeats words and phrases over and over

 

Kit
-eats pickles in a very slow and particular way, almost like an ear of corn
-likes to relax lying on her stomach, legs kicking in the air
-will compulsively play with jewelry the body has on
-likes to drive with all the windows down
-will leave the TV running when drifting off to sleep (especially during storms)

 

Midori
-sings when she thinks no one’s listening (especially while baking)
-foot jiggles when reading a “good part” in a book
-ability to block out practically any distractions when reading, baking, composing, or gaming
-smokes in a sort of distracted way, as if it’s only a placeholder for another habit
-will take painkillers compulsively if she can gain access to them


Rika

-leaves the radio in the car really loud
-smokes cigarettes like a chimney, not pausing at all
-drives a bit recklessly
-If someone on the road does something to piss her off, will talk to drivers in an angry patronizing way as if they can hear her
-cusses every other word

 

Roms
-prefers cats (with the exception of Zoe)
-enjoys water in any form, will try to swim or take long showers when out
-goes out of her way to check on any nearby children
-takes her time to examine art objects or photographs (like in a new place)

Serefina
-pulls hair into bun
-reads non-fiction books, especially relating to law
-speaks in a highly professional tone with a lot of large words
-doodles in margins of papers she takes notes on (she doesn’t like admitting this)

Victoria
-braids the body’s hair
-refuses to eat
-has long beauty regimes (face masks,
body lotion, sloughing cream, etc.)
-tries to have a self-harming item in one hand, even if not actively using
-only alter who does burning self-harm

Have I Ever….?

(Apologizes for the mess of posts today.  Thoughts are needing organizing.)

Okay, so someone on Facebook had this and it perked my interest.  Obviously I’m suuuuuuuper bored.

I thought it would be fun to do this as more of a multiple-themed thing.  So instead of “yes/no”, I’m going to put the name of which alter(s) have done the following:
*Note: the name will be put assuming we know who did it
*Note 2: some of these questions may be triggering to some.  The answers shouldn’t, as we aren’t planning to elaborate on our experience.
*Note 3: This is probably only remotely interesting to ourselves.  That’s fair.

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100 Things

1. Had sex?
Audrey, Charlotte, Claire, Kit, Midori, Rika, Roms, Serefina

2. Bought Condoms?
Charlotte

3. Gotten Pregnant?
Charlotte, technically (all of us were pregnant though, obviously)

4. Failed A Class?
Charlotte, Kit, Midori (Serefina refuses responsibility)

5. Kissed A Boy?
Audrey, Charlotte, Claire, Kit, Serefina

6. Kissed A Girl?
Audrey, Charlotte, Claire, Kit, Midori, Rika, Roms, Serefina

7. Used A Little Paper Bag for Lunch?
Armes, Claire, Rika, Roms, Serefina

8. Had A Job?
Kit, Midori, Serefina

9. Slipped On Ice?
Armes, Roms

10. Missed The School Bus?
Armes, Roms

11. Had sex with a girl?
Audrey, Charlotte, Claire, Kit, Midori, Rika, Roms, Serefina

12. Bullied Someone On The Internet?
Rika, perhaps. But it would have been in retaliation to something most likely

13. Sexted?
Charlotte, Kit

14. Had Sex In Public?
Charlotte

15. Played On A Sports Team?
Mute, Rika, Serefina

16. Smoked Weed?
Charlotte (once)

17. Smoked Cigarettes?
Charlotte, Kit, Midori, Rika, Serefina

18. Smoked A Cigar?
Charlotte, Serefina

19. Drank Alcohol?
Charlotte, Daria, Kit, Midori, Serefina, Victoria

20. Watched porn?
Charlotte

21. Skipped class?
Charlotte, Kit, Midori, Rika

22. Gotten Arrested?
No one (astounding probably…)

23. Done meth?
No one

24. Been To A Wedding?
Armes, Claire, Kit, Roms

25. Fell in love with a best friend?
Claire, Kit, Roms  (Charlotte refuses to acknowledge ever “falling in love”)

26. Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?
Claire, Midori, Serefina

27. Watched TV For 5 Hours Straight?
Armes, Kit, Midori, Rika

28. Been Late For Work?
Kit, Midori, Serefina

29. Been Late For School?
Probably everyone at some point

30. Kissed In The Rain?
Charlotte and Roms (only ones not afraid of storms who will kiss someone)

31. Showered With Someone Else?
Charlotte, Kit, Midori, RIka, Roms, Serefina

32. Failed My Drivers Test?
Kit (Rika took the 2nd attempt and passed with flying colors)

33. Cheated on a ex?
No one

34. Been Outside My Home Country?
All of us.

35. Been On A Road Trip Longer Than 5 Hours?
Daria, Kit, Midori, Mute, Rika, Serefina, Victoria

36. Had Lice?
Unknown- someone in 2nd or 3rd grade

37. Gotten My Heart Broken?
…all of us  (except Rika -eyeroll-)

38. Had A Credit Card?
Technically all of us, but only Charlotte, Kit, Midori, and Rika really go shopping

39. Been To A Professional Sports Game?
Mute, Midori, Rika (it’s always been with Daddy…)

40. Broken A Bone?
All of us

41. Am I BI/Gay/Lesbian?
Hm…Audrey, Claire, Kit, Midori, Roms, and Serefina admit to it.  Technically we’ve all been in a relationship with a woman, but the other deny being “normally” attracted to women

42. Won A Trophy?
Claire, Midori, Rika

43. Cut Myself?
Audrey, Daria, Midori, Victoria

44. Had An STD?
No one

45. Got Engaged?
Not legally- Ohio doesn’t accept same-sex marriage- but technically Katherine and I were engaged

46. Done ecstasy?
No one

47. Tried Out To Be On A TV Show?
No one

48. Rode In A Taxi?
All of us (from Chicago…obviously. Lol.)

49. Been To Prom?
Audrey, Kit

50. Played A Drinking Game?
Charlotte, Midori, Serefina

51. Stayed Up For 24 Hours Or More?
Charlotte, Kit, Midori, Rika, Serefina, Victoria

52. Been To A Concert?
Midori

53. Had A Three-Some?
No one

54. Had A Crush On Someone Of The Same Sex?
Audrey, Kit, Midori, Serefina

55. Been In A Car Accident?
All of us

56. Had Braces?
All of us

57. Learned Another Language?
Claire, Midori, Mute, Rika, Serefina

58. Killed An Animal?
No. Never. No one. Ever ever.

59. Been At A Yard Sale?
A variety of us

60. Been To A Japanese Steakhouse?
Kit, Midori, Serefina

61. Wore Make Up?
Charlotte, Claire, Kit

62. Talked To Someone Via Webcam?
All of us

63. Lost My Virginity Before I Was 16?
….

64. Had My Wisdom Teeth Taken Out?
All of us

65. Kissed Someone A Different Race Than Myself?
Charlotte

66. Snuck Out Of The House?
Charlotte, Kit, Midori, Rika, Serefina

67. Bought Porn?
Charlotte

68. Had A Virus On My Computer?
All of us

69. Had Oral Sex?
Charlotte, Claire, Kit, Midori, Serefina

70. Dyed My Hair?
All of us

71. Gone Skinny Dipping?
Charlotte, Kit

72. Graduated From College?
No one (technically our degree is a couple credits short)

73. Wore Someone Else’s Clothes?
A variety of us (mostly Germany’s or Texas’s)

74. Voted In A Presidential Election?
Midori, Serefina

75. Rode In An Ambulance?
Unknown- too triggery

76. Rode In A Helicopter?
No one

77. Caught The Stove On Fire?
Charlotte (haha, taught her to leave the cooking to Middi and Roms)

78. Got In A Verbal Fight?
Charlotte, Kit, Rika

79. Met Someone Famous?
No one

80. Been On Vacation?
All of us

82. Been On A Boat?
All of us

81. Been On An Airplane?
All of us

83. Broken Something Expensive?
Unknown….there’s…something about this question, but I can’t quite remember

84. Had Surgery?
Does wisdom teeth removal count? That’s the only surgery we’ve ever had.

85. Been In Love?
Ah…yes.

86. Beat A Video Game?
Kit, Midori, Rika

87. Found Something Valuable On The Ground?
I don’t think so…

88. Made A Survey?
No one

89. Stalked Someone On A Social Network?
No one

90. Prank Called Someone?
Kit, Rika

92. Spent Over $100 Shopping In One Day?
Charlotte, Kit, Midori

91. Been To A Library Outside Of School?
Armes, Midori

93. Cut My Hair And Hated It?
Charlotte, Kit, Victoria

94. Peed Outside?
Roms (she’s the only one who likes camping/canoeing)

95. Went Fishing?
No one

96. Helped With Charity?
All of us

97. Taken A Pregnancy Test?
Audrey

98. Been Rejected By A Crush?
All of us

99. Been Suspended From School?
No one

100. Broken a mirror?
No one (we’re a superstitious bunch)

Healing

(Trigger warning for talk of suicidal thoughts and sex. Not at the same time…)

We’re doing better now.  Kit’s not hanging around much anymore, but I’m not really surprised by that.
I never thought I’d be the one running the show for longer than an evening, but everyone seems to have decided I should indefinitely, especially after this weekend.

Let me explain a bit.

We got a surprising amount of support after Friday.
Partly from my mother and Texas, who sweetly made sure I wasn’t left to my own devices for long after the Friday night disaster.
Texas was mad at me for not calling or texting her, but when I explained that though I was technically suicidal, my true goal of that night was just getting drugged enough to not feel emotions.  Which is what happened. She wasn’t happy, but she forgave me.  She doesn’t normally do that, so I was floored.  And much nicer to her than I usually am, not usually being a “girl’s girl” myself.

However, due to the fact that it’s been a long time since I’ve taken that many narcotics, I was extremely sick/hungover most of Saturday morning and fought nausea, shaking, and dizziness for most of the day.  I managed though, and by the evening was completely fine.
Well enough, in fact, to help run a Halloween-related booth at a local downtown Halloween store event.  It was fun and healing to enjoy my favorite holiday.

Then Sunday I went to lunch with my mother and Texas and just talked about life, men, friends, careers, and girly crap.  It was great.  Strange that I enjoyed it.  Rika and Roms think I’m evolving or something.  Fuck if I know.

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I also got constant texts from Army throughout the weekend.  Starting Friday night, actually.  I didn’t reply until Saturday due to my state-of-mind, but we chatted amicably Saturday morning.  Then in a rare moment of emotional-mental-semi-psychic/understanding, he figured out something was bothering me Saturday afternoon.

Being that Army and Jeff are very good friends, I didn’t elaborate.  That wouldn’t be fair.  And despite being told otherwise, I do care about and respect Jeff enough to not fuck-up friendships.
Army was a bit upset that I wouldn’t talk to him about it, but when I explained vaguely that it had to do with Jeff and I didn’t want to be unfair to their friendship, he understood.

Then he started pestering me Sunday to hang out.  After Monday night, I wasn’t sure if that was a good idea, but when I said I was going to see “Hotel Transylvania” with Texas and her boyfriend, he said he’d love to join us.

I was surprised, to say the least.

First of all, Army is not really into hanging out with other people, especially couples.  Secondly, he isn’t a big fan of animated movies.

I pressed him on why he was so insistent, and he said he just wanted to spend time with me.  This again, surprised me.  This weekend was just Surprise Central, obviously.

The movie was good.  A father-daughter movie, which made me a bit uncomfortable, but still enjoyable.  I had ridden to the theatre with Texas, so as we were leaving, I mentioned this to Army and he said he’d be happy to take me home.

We ended up making a detour to my mother’s law firm….because…ahem, despite my “evolving”, I’m still Charlotte.  And there wasn’t really anywhere else private for Army and I at 10pm on a Sunday. And I have keys to the small office and knew no one was going to be there.

I learned a couple things.

First of all, desk-sex is not as easy as porn and erotica would have you believe.
And floor sex is effin’ painful.  My back is killing me and I have rugburns in places a woman should not have rugburns.
And Army did this thing that…normally would have me uber-triggered (I won’t elaborate), but actually didn’t bother me at all.  If anything, I enjoyed it.

I never thought time with Army would be healing.  We actually spent most of the time just talking.

He was kind about the recent cuts on my thigh, which in the past he’s flipped out about.  I talked about some of my insecurities and all the ways I’m obviously a fuck-up and not a normal woman.  I talked a bit about James The Stranger.

He spent way more time that I thought he ever would in reassuring me that there’s nothing wrong with me not being able to do a lot of normal emotional things, and certainly nothing wrong with me physically (see Victoria??).
He only lectured me on driving into the middle of nowhere unsafely when it came to James.  When I joked about wishing he’d just murdered me in his creepy house in the middle of nowhere, Army got angry.  But then…he actually read my body language and emotional distress, and comforted me instead.  It’s like he’s possessed by an alien.

Afterwards, we went to Shadow Dragon’s.  He was supposed to just drop me off, but he said he really wanted to see Zoe if he could.  I hesitated, as I don’t like being a rude roommate and having people over without warning.

But Zoe is our weakness, so I caved and let him in, making him promise to be quiet.  Zoe was ecstatic to see him, which made me smile.  They played outside and then we sat on the couch together and talked a little bit more.

It’s been such a long time since I’ve actually just talked to Army.  Since before…yeah.  I even mentioned the whole miscarriage thing being part of what had me so depressed lately and he showed a surprisingly caring side.  I don’t want to talk about it in too much detail.  It was private and my moment and I don’t want to share it with the others.
The moment it’s written about in this blog, all the others have access to it.

I dunno why I feel possessive about Army.  I suppose to be fair, he’s always been mostly “my relationship”.  Kit and Audrey handled him for moments at a time, but it was usually me that spent time with him.

I just never thought I’d get so touchy-feely that I’d need some sort of healing.  And I never, ever thought he’d be the best one to provide it.

Self-sabotage and wishing

I know it’s bad when I can’t shoot vodka or rum. Just the attempts almost had me vomiting.

They want me to feel this heartbreak.  Won’t even let me drown these worthless emotions.

Thankfully, Victoria helped me manage Vicodin and T4. I won’t say how much. I don’t think it will kill me, but I sort of hope it does. I don’t think so though. Middi and Rika have too much control and they know exactly how much is too much.

Why can’t I deal with pain and heartbreak normally?
Why can’t I even deal with confrontation verbally?
I don’t remember most of this afternoon.
Mute “recorded” some of it internally for me, as Mute does when it’s out, but there are others who were out that won’t share.
One must have been Victoria or Daria, as I vomited a few times.
One was definitely Char or Middi- my clothes reek of cigarettes.

Claire actually screamed/yelled at Charlotte. She showed true anger.  That never happens. And Charlotte took it. Didn’t fight back at all.  But she’s also my main ally in taking these pills, so I know she isn’t guilt free. Claire refuses to talk to anyone now. Even Roms.
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Things are over with Jeff. Completely. Obviously it’s my fault. Completely. I sabotaged it. Like I do with all my relationships. I don’t know if I’ll even have any friends left in a couple days….

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Well that would be because the fuckhead can’t keep his goddamn mouth shut. You just fucking vent anonymously on a blog, but he decides to fucking vent to people who already love to fucking judge us and shit-talk us at the drop of a hat.
But we don’t fucking need friends. This is what happens when you fucking expose your fucking weaknesses like that.  Fucking men aren’t trustworthy. Take a goddamn leaf out of Charlotte’s book and just use them for sex. At least she doesn’t reveal deep fucking personal system secrets. Or get fucking attached. You fucking romantic drama fucking queens. All of you.
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I don’t know where to go from here.

I wish the one-night stand situation with James, The Stranger, had gone further south.

I wish he had killed us.

Practically Friendless

Hello.

It’s been a while.

A long while.

Things went…completely to shit for the past couple weeks. I don’t remember most of it, as the switching was ridiculous.

It pretty much started with my ex, Katherine, contacting me out of the blue.  Really for no reason.  I don’t know why I answer the phone.

Ok, I don’t answer the phone. Obviously. I have no idea who did, honestly.  There were a couple who talked to her throughout the conversation.  But most of us don’t have any interest in remaining acquainted with her.  Except for that alter who answer the phone- when the rest of us wanted to throw it against the wall.
And all it did was send us into a tailspin and what she said make me turn into my normal ostrich coward-self.

I had another mini-hibernation session, so to speak.

After the crippling conversations and texts from Katherine, Charlotte decided to run amok.
It was a disaster.  None of us never really been a person who thinks about carrying weapons around, but last weekend, we all had a desire to start carrying a gun (at least in the car).  Charlotte made a stupid, stupid decision that could have cost us our very livelihood.

We still have bruises. Though to be fair, she started that part.

If it hadn’t been for a firm direction on Shadow Dragon’s part, we would have let him pick us up and drive us all the way to Buttfuck, Nowhere, over an hour from our house.

And been stuck.

Thank god we drove.
The drink we were given…we are suspicious of something possibly being in it.  It was a simple bottle or two of hard cider we drank, but even Rika couldn’t shake the cobwebs enough to drive home until the morning.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

This is only now coming completely to light.  I wasn’t even completely aware of it until Saturday.

Saturday, when all the walls came down and all us alters decided to just be honest and work together for one simple day so we didn’t end up downing a bottle or two of narcotics.

October 6th, one year ago, we miscarried.  And it was the worse day of our life.

It’s been a huge chunk of what’s caused all this triggery switching and stupid destructive behavior.  Sabotaging relationships.  It’s what we do best.

We don’t deserve to be even liked.

And so, despite most of my friendships being currently down the toilet, I can’t really be mad at Midori or Claire for talking to Katherine.
I can’t be mad at Charlotte for acting like a self-destructive slut.  After all, it’s coping mechanisms that were creating years and years ago because they had a semblance of success.  They need to unlearn years of knee-jerk responses to our psyche swirling the drain.

Or maybe not.  Maybe it’s best if we just stay “that sort of girl”.

Our friends are better off anyway.

Windchimes again

Perhaps this is what the warning was for.

Everything going sideways.

I think it was from Audrey.  I’m so sorry Audrey.  I’m sorry for everything that happened to you, for everything you went through.

I understand why you went away.

Sometimes I think about joining you.

Sometimes I think we should all join you.

But I know that’s wrong and bad.
It’s just…everything She did…everything She didn’t.
I don’t understand how it means nothing to Kit and Midori and Serefina.  We lost Audrey over everything She did.  Sweet, soft, gentle Audrey.  Audrey who only ever loved with every bit of herself as deeply as she could.
And all it did was hurt her.  And destroy her.

Then there was Cordelia.  Our darling. Our light. Our life. Two against the world.
…I didn’t know my heart could break this much.  And now the anniversary is approaching, rearing it’s ugly head and reminding us of all the ways we aren’t good enough.

Rika has a theory that Audrey and I are twinned (Shadow Dragon talks about that concept occasionally).  I guess I can see that.  It would explain why I only have felt like half of a whole since she’s been gone.

Maybe if I keep talking to her…if I don’t act like she is gone…maybe Audrey will come back.  She could come back and fix everything…

Sideways

(warning for Rika’s language, as per usual)

Sometimes I hate being the fucking protector.  Claire’s in the goddamn corner, curled in a ball, crying and apologizing to an imaginary Audrey like she’s fucking schizo.

All because of a fucking phone call.

I tried to not let goddamn Kit answer, but then Charlotte and Middi got behind her and I was fucking pushed back like I’m nothing.  Really bruises a protector’s ego, you know?

Kit’s determined to prove that she can “be normal” and carry on a “casual conversation” with Her.  Goddammit Kit, you don’t have to.  She lives in a different fucking state. It doesn’t fucking matter.

Charlotte and Middi mostly want to prove to themselves that they can “not care” or something bullshit like that.  But all it does is put the system into a tailspin that we definitely don’t fucking need.

Why is she calling us?

Well, I listened in on the whole goddamn conversation and it was stupid bullshit.  Just stupid life updates.  Yeah, she mentioned Kally which had Kit flicker back and I got excited, thinking I could fucking wrestle control, but Middi easily stepped up for a bit before Kit settled down.  So I got jack-shit.

Then she ends with some goddamn offer of us playing this stupid role-playing game over Skype with her and some of her friends. Ugh. Fucking…just fucking no. I don’t care if Middi is interested (girl has a strange interest in gaming for being a fucking loner).  It’s not fucking happening.

I’m putting my fucking foot down.

Hear that, everyone? The protector’s foot is down. Ya’ll ain’t going nowhere. Sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up.

Itchy

Forgot codeine makes me so effin itchy.

Shoulda taken the vicodin.

But needed something to make the others calm their shit down. Way too rough and switchy of a night. Hell, weekend.

Kit cannot keep this shit together like she used too.

Something needs to change. I’m going to run out of pills if I have to keep self-medicating at this rate.

We need to take stock and figure out our options. In the morning. Right now, we all need to sleep.

If I could just stop feeling so damn itchy!

Windchimes

Windchimes has been a codeword used by us, our system, and friends for over a decade now. It’s always been a serious sort of warning, a secret in-crowd sort of all-encompassing “there is danger ahead, check yourself”.

It was written on the inside of my car’s windshield tonight.

I don’t know how long it’s been there. It’s writen in the thin layer of smudgey grime that’s built up on my windshield since the thorough cleaning I gave it back in April. Because of this, the word is only truly visible at night when it’s hit just right by a streetlight or passing car’s headlights.

This is the first evening I’ve driven since last week. It could have been scrawled at any time over the past couple days.

I also have no idea what it’s referring to. My job? My health? Internal (switchy-type) stuff? I dunno.

I just know that when I think about it, I get this scary sinking feeling in my stomach.

And no one is fessing up.

Windchimes. A warning. A serious warning. I know none of my system would ever use that codeword as a joke.

But a warning for what?

Rough Weekend (and apologies to all of you)

This weekend sucked.

I don’t really remember what caused the previous post.  Obviously it was from Victoria, not me.
I do know that Friday night was a swirl of triggering from the storm and reflection on our life so far.  Not sure why we were thinking about all that.

Okay. That’s a lie. Heh. Obviously don’t want to lie to myself, especially after the last post. I won’t do that.

I do know why we’ve been so reflect-y lately, but I don’t want to talk about it.  Right now at least.

There was some self-harm, but it saved us from being even stupider, as it usually does.  Victoria knows what she’s doing sometimes.  I have a respect for her that I can’t seem to find for Daria at all, even though deep down, I know she technically serves a purpose too.  But her violence towards Charlotte is unacceptable.

This weekend sucked because of Friday night but also after that, as we had a wicked bought of hypertension, migraine, nausea, and pain that kept us in bed (or the bathroom for throwing up) for the rest of the weekend.

So so much thanks and love to Shadow Dragon, who took lovely care of me over the weekend, even though she didn’t have to.

I’m still not sure about eating much, as even late last night when I attempted simple corn chips, my stomach was not happy.

I have managed a cup of hot apple cider, which is my comfort drink fall-back.  It seems to have worked to settle it temporarily.  I’ll try real food in a bit.

I obviously haven’t been online checking blogs or commenting, and I apologize for that.
I also apologize for the delay in my replies to your lovely comments of support on my last entry.
I did read them Saturday morning and even though I couldn’t bring myself to reply then, they meant so much to me and really made me feel better.

Thank you for being there when I had it rough.

I’m going to try to get back into the swing of the blogging circle here.  Hopefully you’ll be patient with me.  I’m having a really hard time reading others’ entries lately…

I know it’s unfair to make these connections and then just suddenly not be able to handle reading other people’s problems due to triggering and unstable-ness we’re having.  That seems just terribly wrong.

I’m still here and supporting all of you, even if I can’t manage to read your concerns and comment.  I’m so very sorry.

I also can’t talk about today’s Suicide Prevention Day.  I know it’s important and you guys are great for posting about it.  But I’m not strong enough at the moment.  Especially after Friday.

Warm thoughts to all of you.

-Kit