He called me “hon”.
He is not prone to terms of endearment. This isn’t a man who slips into language like a diner’s waitress.
After no communication for days. Maybe a week.
I’ve lost track of time.
These days time is like taffy. Stretching, clinging, sticking.
The point is it just slipped out so casually.
And I want to bash my head into a wall repeatedly.
There’s a reason I grew up loving paperback mysteries, Stephen King, and Wes Craven movies. This isn’t a girl who believes in fairy-tale-happy-ending bullshit.
I am my father’s daughter.
And I know better.
I know that there isn’t some white knight who is gonna swoop in at the last minute and make all the hurt disappear. There isn’t even a constant weight on the other side of my bed, much less in less explicit facets of my life.
I am on my own. Always. Regardless of where I’m stuck in time.
Only a single friend has told me “You deserve to have him stay. You give so much.”
All others are silent. And it shows me what I already know, in that deepest heart of mine. That truest heart. That constant companion that’s been there since when I was little.
There’s no point in giving. There is no deserving.
There is only the taffy stretch of time and the constant stickiness of pain.