Too much

No more no more no more.

I don’t want any of this.  I can’t handle any of this.  It’s just too too too much.

The bills, the health problems, the lack of social/friend support, nowhere to live after August.  I don’t want to do this anymore.  No one needs or wants me.

My mom has other kids and I’m just a financial drain anyway.

My dad doesn’t even want me around, especially if I’m “having a tough time”.

My brother I thought I was so close with doesn’t even want to live in the same house with me for a couple weeks.  I’ve obviously become such an awful shell of a person to be around.  Doctors can’t figure out why I have the medical issues I do and I don’t have the money or insurance to keep “trying other options”.

Maybe I have a mysterious unsolvable illness because I’m meant to die.

When I try to do otherwise it just piles higher and makes things worse.

I don’t want to be here anymore.  At all.

And yet I am.

I’m such a fucking coward.

4 thoughts on “Too much

  1. Bourbon

    Hey, have just come across your site. I’m sorry you are struggling so much. I am sorry everything is overwhelming you. I genuinely hope things calm down soon. take care, B x

  2. brandic32

    I am so sorry that everything is so hard at the moment. I can relate to money struggles, unexplained health problems, and the feeling like you can’t do it anymore. I appreciate the words of support you have given on my blog, and I hope to return the kindness you have shown. From the little I know of you, and the little I’ve read, you have a lot to offer. I’m glad that you found your way to my blog, and I look forward to reading more of yours.


    1. penpaperandcrazy Post author

      Aw, I’m touched you followed me over here. I appreciate that very much. Hopefully we can continue to be at least of small comfort to each other in our individual struggles.



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