I dreamed last night that Army found an entry from this blog. And read it. And thought I was a horrible liar and seriously disturbed.
Then I went even crazier trying to delete posts and edit them to try and appear “normal”.
What I find the strangest is why didn’t I just delete the blog entirely? Why did I go through this whole modification plan. It was obviously flawed. Seriously flawed.
I think my subconscious is trying to tell me something.
The nightmare was terrifying and I woke up thinking the whole world could see through my mask.
I try so hard to appear normal.
(Note: I know I’ve been dramatically absent. The holiday season has been hard mentally as well as time-wise. My blog really is a secret from 99% of people I deal with in person, so I only blog when I’m safely alone and I haven’t been for weeks.
Doesn’t seem like I was missed much, but I understand the nature of blogging/blog-relationships and distancing. I do the same thing myself.)