I don’t deserve happiness. I don’t deserve healthiness. I don’t deserve love.
None of the glittering candy-spun things in the world are meant for a worthless girl.
I shatter the pieces of my already fractured life further. What’s the point? The fates, the angels, the gods, the demons, they all whisper the same thing.
I feel crazy. The shadows curl around me like a mantle and I wear it with my smiling lacquered mask of acceptance.
Worthless Shadow Girls should not be receiving support or love.
I pushpushpush Army away. I know the perfect insults, the chinks in the armor.
I always know.
He refuses to hear me. He says he won’t listen until I’m sober.
I know what he really means.
My skin is too tight.
I glance at the two small boxes on my nightstand. Their innards wink at me in shining steel.
What a worthless way to start the new year.
But that self sabotage tastes so sweet.
I’m sorry for the struggles. Good and healing thoughts to you.
Thank you. Trying to smooth things out a bit. Happy thoughts help 🙂
this sounds difficult and i’m sending you *safe hugs if you want them*. sending positive thoughts and hopes for things to improve.
Thanks. Unfortunately they sorta went down the shitter tonight. Hoping the weekend’ll be better.