Sweet sweet sabotage

I don’t deserve happiness.  I don’t deserve healthiness.  I don’t deserve love.

None of the glittering candy-spun things in the world are meant for a worthless girl.

I shatter the pieces of my already fractured life further.  What’s the point? The fates, the angels, the gods, the demons, they all whisper the same thing.


I feel crazy. The shadows curl around me like a mantle and I wear it with my smiling lacquered mask of acceptance.

Worthless Shadow Girls should not be receiving support or love.

I pushpushpush Army away. I know the perfect insults, the chinks in the armor.

I always know.

He refuses to hear me.  He says he won’t listen until I’m sober.

I know what he really means.


My skin is too tight. 


I glance at the two small boxes on my nightstand.  Their innards wink at me in shining steel.

What a worthless way to start the new year.

But that self sabotage tastes so sweet.

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