Third Wheel

I’ve been feeling like a third wheel lately.  

Basically, Army and I are over with.  We haven’t even spoken for a couple weeks now.  I don’t really want to talk about the details on this post.  Sorry.

Anyway, pretty much all of my friends have a partner and I’m finding it difficult and uncomfortable to hang out with them.  It’s giving parts of me some triggering twitches and urges to “correct the problem” (as only Charlotte can).

But I don’t want that.

I want to be alone.  I want to be on my own.

But I just…I just wish I had more social opportunities that didn’t involve couples.

It isn’t that they’re affectionate or macking on each other in front of me.  In fact, sometimes I am only hanging out with one person out of the “pair”.  

But it still feels like I’m missing an arm and they’re whole and perfect.  Then they keep doing all these things with their two arms and trying to get me to join in and I’m like “I have only one arm…” but they don’t hear me or notice that I’m incapable.

Maybe that explains it?

I’m not sure.

All I know is I feel a bit dead inside lately and it’s worrying me because when I get this dead feeling, it means some sort of self-destructive fiasco usually follow.  I am trying hard to keep a lid on Charlotte but she really dislike feeling ugly and unwanted.  She always feels the need to prove that she can entice and ensnare.

But I don’t want to.  I really don’t.  I just want to….

I don’t know what I want.

I just want it to stop.

7 thoughts on “Third Wheel

  1. Mooselicker

    How long have you been friends with these people? If it’s been for a long time that’s probably the big problem. I know people I have been friends with for a while get trapped in the same social circle and it becomes incestuous and impossible to meet new people. Either way, try to befriend just one new person. That’s all it takes. Or so I tell myself :-/

    1. Pen Post author

      That is a good point. These are probably 80% people I’ve been friends with since high school.
      And one of the people I feel the most comfortable with is my single coworker I’ve become good friends with, so I see the wisdom in this advice.
      My problem is I tend to hate being “friendly” with people I don’t know. Hah.

      Thanks for your thoughts 🙂

      1. Mooselicker

        I hate everything and everyone so I know what you mean. Have you tried forming a friendship over hatred? Some of my best friendships began because we hated the same person or thing.

      2. Pen Post author

        I actually had a moment like that the other day! I bonded with a neighbor over our shared hatred of the people behind us who are constantly dumping trash in the alley. Asshats.
        But alas, she is elderly and married, so I don’t think we would be able to socialize on a regular basis.
        Though perhaps I just need to force myself to love prune juice and reruns of I Love Lucy.

  2. GrayEyedAthena

    Oh my god this sucks. I’m so sorry. Breakups are so incredibly painful and I’m not at all surprised you’re feeling muted. Charlotte sounds like someone’s itching for a rebound?

  3. Mental Mama

    Sorry to hear about Army. And not having any friends to run with totally sucks. All of my real life friends are at work and the rest of y’all are online. I wish you the best of luck sweetie, hang in there.


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