I’ve been feeling like a third wheel lately.
Basically, Army and I are over with. We haven’t even spoken for a couple weeks now. I don’t really want to talk about the details on this post. Sorry.
Anyway, pretty much all of my friends have a partner and I’m finding it difficult and uncomfortable to hang out with them. It’s giving parts of me some triggering twitches and urges to “correct the problem” (as only Charlotte can).
But I don’t want that.
I want to be alone. I want to be on my own.
But I just…I just wish I had more social opportunities that didn’t involve couples.
It isn’t that they’re affectionate or macking on each other in front of me. In fact, sometimes I am only hanging out with one person out of the “pair”.
But it still feels like I’m missing an arm and they’re whole and perfect. Then they keep doing all these things with their two arms and trying to get me to join in and I’m like “I have only one arm…” but they don’t hear me or notice that I’m incapable.
Maybe that explains it?
I’m not sure.
All I know is I feel a bit dead inside lately and it’s worrying me because when I get this dead feeling, it means some sort of self-destructive fiasco usually follow. I am trying hard to keep a lid on Charlotte but she really dislike feeling ugly and unwanted. She always feels the need to prove that she can entice and ensnare.
But I don’t want to. I really don’t. I just want to….
I don’t know what I want.
I just want it to stop.