After my last two weird posts, I did end up going to the doctor. He got me in quickly because he wanted to check if I had other signs of a stroke or seizure. Apparently I did not.
After that was ruled out, he became rather apathetic about my strange symptoms. He did some more history stuff (we talked about my psych-ward stay) and he rearranged my meds slightly again.
And then yesterday I got hit with a baaaaad migraine. Vomiting for hours, BP of 187/125 or higher. Finally it started coming down in the afternoon enough that I could get an anti-nausea to stay down. Called the doctor. He did some more med rearranging and said to call if it got dramatically worse, otherwise he’d see me Saturday.
I just feel like I’m falling into this hole again. Unsolveable, doesn’t respond to treatment. I know the doctor is trying but I’m just starting to feel entirely frustrated and hopeless again. My body seems to really be sure it should have this high pressure no matter what. I don’t understand it. I’ve been so good now for over a month on EVERYTHING, even food.
But now I’m feeling that ED nipping at my heels and curling around my head. Stating that I’m too fat/ugly/disgusting and that’s why I have high blood pressure. Of course the pills aren’t working. I just need to lose this fat. Just stop eating and the blood pressure will drop. It’s not hard.
My mind is messing with me a lot. I’m aware this is damaging thinking. Not healthy. Not normal. But I can’t stop.
Nothing seems to be working and I don’t know where to turn to.